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I studied hard, didn't join a frat, got good grades and landed a kickass job at NASA.
My buddy studied hard, then joined a frat, grades went in the toilet, dropped out and shuffled from crap job to crap job.
The greek "system" sucks unless you are a legacy with a trust fund or a business major in need of connection-making skills (in lieu of brains). I wouldn't worry about hazing, I'd worry about the gigantic waste of money of paying for a University education only to get sucked into a dumb frat.
Edit: I don't have any advice, and I'm sorry your son is going this way. I hope he does well in spite of making the mistake of joining a frat.
I'm female, but I had a very good experience in the Greek system. It seems the people bashing it here were never a part of it, so I'd take their advice with a grain of salt.
My 18 year old son, a freshman in college, a month into school let us know that he is joining a fraternity. My first reaction was OK but don't get involved with any crazy initiation antics. My wife is freaking out. The school he is attending has a strict anti-hazing policy. Should we be worried? Any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Whether this is good or bad really depends on the particular chapter that he wants to join. My son is 21, a senior and a member of a fraternity. He is graduating a semester early with a double major and he has a job lined up after graduation. He is not unique or special in that regard. Most of his fraternity brothers have jobs lined up upon graduation.
I would go to the university's website and see if they have anything about the greek system on the website. My son's school publishes the GPA of every greek organization broken down several different ways. This makes the greek organizations very competitive with respect to academics. You may be pleasantly surprised.
If it makes you feel any better my son's grades were fantastic during the semester he pledged. The university publishes the collective GPA of new members so the brothers were very concerned that the pledges get good grades.
I would be concerned but I wouldn't freak out about it. FWIW we don't pay for our son's fraternity related expenses but it has been less expensive for us. Housing was less expensive than the dorms (and still considered university housing). The meal plan was less expensive than the university's meal plan (and still considered a university meal plan). His chapter requires students to live at the house for 8 semesters. Their house has no alcohol as their chapter does not allow alcohol in fraternity housing or at fraternity sponsored events.
She didn't say that they don't drink...just that they don't at the house or through animal house type parties.
Many frats...and college overall....are changing...not all...not perfect and still filled with a good percentage of douchebags...but it's just not automatic anymore.
Most frats have GPA requirements (my sorority was a 3.0) so I wouldn't worry about that.
Some Greek chapters are great, some aren't. Your son is away at college, trust he's making good decisions.
I thought one of the benefits of the fraternity was the easy availability of prior years' tests/papers for the younger students to use to "review"? This helps keep the grades up. [Maybe now in the era of the internet, this is widely available now anyway]
Many frats...and college overall....are changing...not all...not perfect and still filled with a good percentage of douchebags...but it's just not automatic anymore.
"Not automatic anymore"? Are you saying that at some point, any fraternity member, anywhere could automatically be assumed to be a douchebag?
No. Like anything else the Greek system has good and bad. How schools, chapters and individuals handle it varies. I completely understand the concern, but also know the potential for it being a positive experience. If he's generally got a good head on his shoulders and a history of making good decisions then he's probably capable of continuing on that path. I think there is nothing wrong with OP having honest conversation with their son about their concerns.
"Not automatic anymore"? Are you saying that at some point, any fraternity member, anywhere could automatically be assumed to be a douchebag?
No. Like anything else the Greek system has good and bad. How schools, chapters and individuals handle it varies. I completely understand the concern, but also know the potential for it being a positive experience. If he's generally got a good head on his shoulders and a history of making good decisions then he's probably capable of continuing on that path. I think there is nothing wrong with OP having honest conversation with their son about their concerns.
Frats used to be A LOT worse than they are now...there is no denying that. There is more oversight now and schools don't turn as blind an eye to the shananigins as they did even 15 years ago.
And if you note...I am the one that said from the start not to freak out over it...but keep the communication going and how losing it over this would make that much harder. Would I have suggested that I didn't think there was something wrong with the parents talking about it with their son?
Frats used to be A LOT worse than they are now...there is no denying that. There is more oversight now and schools don't turn as blind an eye to the shananigins as they did even 15 years ago.
And if you note...I am the one that said from the start not to freak out over it...but keep the communication going and how losing it over this would make that much harder. Would I have suggested that I didn't think there was something wrong with the parents talking about it with their son?
I only disagreed with your contention that there was a point in time that any kid who joined a fraternity was automatically a jerk.
Regardless that things have gotten better, that assumption is just wrong.
I studied hard, didn't join a frat, got good grades and landed a kickass job at NASA.
My buddy studied hard, then joined a frat, grades went in the toilet, dropped out and shuffled from crap job to crap job.
The greek "system" sucks unless you are a legacy with a trust fund or a business major in need of connection-making skills (in lieu of brains). I wouldn't worry about hazing, I'd worry about the gigantic waste of money of paying for a University education only to get sucked into a dumb frat.
Edit: I don't have any advice, and I'm sorry your son is going this way. I hope he does well in spite of making the mistake of joining a frat.
Joining a fraternity isn't a mistake if you know what you're doing.
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