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My mother loved us unconditionally, knew our strengths and weaknesses and supported us with all her heart. We all had to do chores, we were all equally disciplined. We were treated equally.
But her oldest was special. My mom took forever to get pregnant, and when she had my sister, she was a colicky wreck until they figured out she needed soy formula -- about 4 months. The bond between those two was strong and wonderful. We all laughed when Tommy Smothers first shouted Mom always liked you best because it was so true in our house!
Their bond didn't diminish us in anyway. It didn't affect my relationship with my mom. She was a strong woman, and there was room enough for all of us in her heart.
My mother is a narcissist and her favorite is me. She played favorites so she could always be the center of attention. It's a sick game with only one winner.
By showering the favorite with more gifts and attention, the favorite is more compelled to obey the mother and reject their own individuality. It's called enmeshment, and emotionally-damaged mothers love it. The non-favorites are also compelled to try harder to "win" the mother's affection, which the insecure mother loves. The children will develop animosity toward each other, which keeps them from forming strong bonds with each other in favor of trying to please their mother.
When it comes to parents playing favorites, children need to realize it really has nothing to do with them and all to do with their parent's shortcomings.
My mother was the same way with my brother. He was the treasured one and the more screwed up and dysfunctional he was the more she pampered him. They both had this codependent thing going on and he lived off of her until the day she died. I can see how sick the whole relationship was now that I'm older but it hurt like hell when I was younger. That whole dynamic made me an over achiever and I have an amazing life. I guess I should thank my parents for all the pain and abuse? Maybe not. I think I could have gone even further in life if I would have had the right parents. I'm just glad I had the intelligence and insight at a young age to know that I did not want to be like them.
My mother did this. She loved my middle sister the most, and she still does. I don't know why. It used to bother me when I was a kid. Now my sister is basically a copy of my mom...their houses are stuffed with a junky mismatch of furniture, they wear the same shoes, carry the same kind of purse, dress their husbands the same...but my sister doesn't realize it and complains all the time about Mom's lack of style, her house, etc. She also refuses to help my parents at all and won't visit them for more than an hour every couple of months because she's uncomfortable with my dad's dementia. It's really kind of funny and sad at the same time.
So I was curious due to something a friend has told me growing up her mother greatly preferred her older sister and would take her shopping, buy her nice clothes etc. whereas she'd make my friend (who was 2 years younger) work and do chores when she had no issue with the older daughter not working or doing chores but she was always happy to support her cheer leading but my friend played soccer and her mother never went to her games. She got the older girl a car at 16 but made my friend buy hers. As well as other things.
I'm just curious what the general reasons are, especially if you are a woman that has experienced something similar growing up I'd like to hear what it was like.
My brother is a prince. No really. He never lift a freaking finger. He would eat snacks and meals in his room. He'd leave mountains of paper plates, dishes, glasses, and silverware in his room. Every week I'd go empty it out. When I moved out, my mother realized how bad it was because they would run out of silverware! She still didn't tell him to knock it off.
My spoiled sister is a functioning alcoholic who has MAJOR depression issues. My brother hates his life and feels stuck with many things, but they were all situations he put himself in. Oddly enough, I'm the only one who's not miserable in life. It took me a loooooong time to get here though!
In a way, you should be thankful that your parents spoiled and enabled your siblings; they will be taking care of them the rest of their sorry lives, while you actually became an adult and can take care of yourself
So I was curious due to something a friend has told me growing up her mother greatly preferred her older sister and would take her shopping, buy her nice clothes etc. whereas she'd make my friend (who was 2 years younger) work and do chores when she had no issue with the older daughter not working or doing chores but she was always happy to support her cheer leading but my friend played soccer and her mother never went to her games. She got the older girl a car at 16 but made my friend buy hers. As well as other things.
I'm just curious what the general reasons are, especially if you are a woman that has experienced something similar growing up I'd like to hear what it was like.
Stopped reading at "So". What are you, a HS chick?
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