Is living close to your parents important when having a kid? (stepmother, babysitting)
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I hope free day care isn't the only reason you want to be near them. I'm not familiar with that area, so I don't know what kind of distances you're talking about.
Full time child care is a major commitment. I hope you aren't assuming they'll be agreeable to that.
Pearland is about 25 minutes and 15 to 16 miles from Clear Lake City depending on where in Pearland they relocate and where in Clear Lake City the parents are. That's really not a lot of distance or time.
My parents are actually trying to convince me to live near them so that they could help with babysitting. My mother would love to take care of her grandchildren and I think it'd be great for them develop a close relationship when they're young. Living near parents is common in Houston (at least around my friends and work). With all that said I might still place them in daycare early on because I think it'd be an enriching experience.
I feel that some people are thinking that I'm using my parents but there's much more depth to it than that. Maybe my first post wasnt clear enough and caused people to make the wrong assumptions. I did start the thread via my smartphone so I didn't want to be lengthy.
I guess I can always help my parents relocate if they want to be near me.
I live very close to my parents and child care is part or that. I don't leave my child with a baby sitter and never have. He went from being with my parents to kindergarten. I don't trust anyone besides family and not all family either. I never had an outside baby sitter growing up. I had my grandparents and aunts and uncles.
If your parents don't mind helping out than I don't see the problem. I help my mom out whenever I can (taking her to the doctor, grocery store, things around the house).
I honestly only find the people who think its a problem are my white friends. My family is west indian and I would rather pay a family member (even though none of them would take my money I have tried) before a stranger.
I looked at the map. Personally, I would live within a reasonable commute of work. If the grandparents are interested in the grandkids, they'll find a way to see them. You and your finance will have your lives too.
My parents are actually trying to convince me to live near them so that they could help with babysitting. My mother would love to take care of her grandchildren and I think it'd be great for them develop a close relationship when they're young. Living near parents is common in Houston (at least around my friends and work). With all that said I might still place them in daycare early on because I think it'd be an enriching experience.
I feel that some people are thinking that I'm using my parents but there's much more depth to it than that. Maybe my first post wasnt clear enough and caused people to make the wrong assumptions. I did start the thread via my smartphone so I didn't want to be lengthy.
I guess I can always help my parents relocate if they want to be near me.
I wouldn't go that route.
What are the other pros and cons? Is one location closer to work? Nicer area? Newer area? All things being equal, then I'd probably choose to be closer to them. If it is only one factor, I guess you have to prioritize. It sounds like all areas are pretty close to them, though.
My sister had the perk of her MIL babysitting her son for the first 5 years of his life. It's common for her to do that though. She did it for his siblings as as well. The MIL also wanted them to send him to the school that her neighborhood goes to so she could continue to see him though my sister nixed that idea.
I was quite jealous that she had that perk. It would have saved a quite a bit of money for us over the 6 years our kids needed babysitters,daycare and preschool.
My husband's sister used to brag that she never once had to pay a dime to a babysitter or nursery school or day care as her parents (my in-laws) cared for her son fulltime, plus most weekends and every date night, from the time he was a newborn until he started school, then provided after school care & date night care until he did not need a sitter any more.
Yes, my husband and I were a little jealous, too. But, since we lived 1,000 miles away it would have a very long commute to the grandparents house each day!
I know someone that has 4 daughters and 2 of the daughters have children. I think they have 5 kids between the two sisters. Their father is in his 80's and he watches all 5 kids in the summer. The ages are 2, 2, 4, 5 and 12. He does get help from the 12 year old. It's a regular thing during the school year for one of the daughters to come to her parents house after school and drop the 2, 5 and 12 year old off. The grandma still works and so does grandpa. He has an occasional part time job. It's a lot of work all around.
I think every now and again the grandparents above get overwhelmed as we hear about it through a mutual person. Mutual person is horrified that it happens but she also gets overwhelmed when she has all 6 of her grandkids in one house (and that's with their parents too).
I think it all comes down to expectations and how one was raised and what their families did. I spent a lot of time at my grandparents growing up. Days off school, summer, parents going out of town and sometimes just because. My husband never spent a single night at either grandparents houses on his own. ever. I don't think his grandparents helped out when school was out either.
My paternal grandparents had 34 grandchildren. My maternal grandparents had 18 grandchildren. No matter how much you spread it out they certainly were not able to equally and fairly provide child care & babysitting to every family & every grandchild (plus numerous great-grandchildren). I think that is one reason why my grandparents did not babysit or provide childcare, even though almost all of their grandchildren lived close by. They did not want to "play favorites" with their children and grandchildren.
Plus, by the time that the youngest grandchildren were born the grandparents were all in their late 70s to mid 80s and needed a significant amount of care themselves. They certainly were not in any condition to care for babies & toddlers, let alone multiple babies & toddlers.
If you have a close familial unit, then I truly believe it is important to live close to your parents with children.
Denying your child to have a relationship with your own parents, and denying your parents to have a relationship with your children - these to me are sad scenarios. It's heart breaking when someone has to watch their grandchildren grow up through telephone calls, Facebook, etc. I have a deep connection with my grandchildren, and that only comes from seeing them in the flesh.
And how do you choose between the parents of the husband and the wife?
It isn't heartbreaking to live hours away from grandchildren, it's reality. Grandparents who want to be involved in their lives will make it happen. Parents who want to foster the relationship will step up to do so.
My paternal grandparents had 34 grandchildren. My maternal grandparents had 18 grandchildren. No matter how much you spread it out they certainly were not able to equally and fairly provide child care & babysitting to every family & every grandchild (plus numerous great-grandchildren). I think that is one reason why my grandparents did not babysit or provide childcare, even though almost all of their grandchildren lived close by. They did not want to "play favorites" with their children and grandchildren.
Plus, by the time that the youngest grandchildren were born the grandparents were all in their late 70s to mid 80s and needed a significant amount of care themselves. They certainly were not in any condition to care for babies & toddlers, let alone multiple babies & toddlers.
My MIL has 2 sisters and 2 brothers. One brother only had one child and she lived with her mom. The other brother didn't have kids until my husband and his siblings were almost in high school. One sister had older kids they are 8 and 10 years older than my husband. The other sister is MIL's twin. Her oldest is a couple of years younger than my BIL ( who's the 3rd of 3 of MIL's kids).
I think it has to do with their parents never did it for them meaning MIL's grandparents so they didn't do it for there's. No harm no foul. It was just something that was odd to me seeing as I spent loads of time with mine. It can also be a regional thing too. I'm from the Midwest originally and DH is from somewhere else.
My husband's sister used to brag that she never once had to pay a dime to a babysitter or nursery school or day care as her parents (my in-laws) cared for her son fulltime, plus most weekends and every date night, from the time he was a newborn until he started school, then provided after school care & date night care until he did not need a sitter any more.
Yes, my husband and I were a little jealous, too. But, since we lived 1,000 miles away it would have a very long commute to the grandparents house each day!
My mom had offered to do it once we were living 3 miles from them. Then she never brought it up again and I later found out that she had then offered to watch my nephew.
I can tell a difference in my kids and my nephew and know that one grew up in daycare and preschool full time and one did not.
Everyone makes their own choices and what's best for them. My nephew is scared of the some of the simpliest things and I wonder if it has to do with not being exposed to it or if that's just who he is.
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