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I actually have a really high self esteem. I really do only attract the losers. Maybe it is the way I carry myself! the way I dress, my hobbies, my language.. Don't know, but I love who I am and think I am pretty spectacular. I have lots of friends that agree.
You have the hobbies that guys I know would love their GF to be interested in, I don't think that is the problem. The two different kids to two different fathers will eliminate a lot of good guys, even though it is just one of those things that happens. I doubt your dress is stopping anyone and you say you are pretty spectacular (makes me wonder when a woman says this about herself because I have met some real nutjobs who describe themselves this way) so that shouldn't be a problem. Cussing however is a problem if you are a big user of the "F" word, because most of the guys I know (decent ones) have a BIG problem with a woman who uses the F word. The ex cons, hillbillies and others you say you attract seem to not have a problem with that language I have found. Personally, the F word coming out of a womans mouth can make the most attractive woman become unattractive to me.
There has got to be something wrong that you are only attracting losers as you say. I have to wonder if it's not that you are passing on the good guys because they don't fit the mold of what you are looking for in a man, and choosing losers over the good guys.
Right now, you are a FWB to a guy whether you want to admit it or not. You already know he doesn't want to live with you or marry you and you are settling for that. This is a problem in itself. You say you wasted your prime and you are still wasting time with this guy.
Online dating has it's problems but I can't believe you couldn't find a decent guy if you tried and not be narrow minded in your search. Finding a nice guy should be your goal instead of a perfect guy.
There are many guys who wouldn't mind being a father figure to two kids and being a good husband to a good woman. You are in a rut for whatever reason. I know it seems hopeless now, but if you don't give up it will get better.
I actually have a really high self esteem. I really do only attract the losers. Maybe it is the way I carry myself! the way I dress, my hobbies, my language.. Don't know, but I love who I am and think I am pretty spectacular. I have lots of friends that agree.
In my experience, women with high self-esteem don't end up with a string of loser guys. They also don't seem to need to mention their high self-esteem. If anything, they are somewhat self-depreciative when describing themselves. They also don't seem to have the need to have to have a husband.
I have a feeling that your high "self-esteem" is an outward mask for someone who, underneath, doesn't really think she is worthy enough.
Frankly, I am not a therapist but I am a retired teacher. If she has had all of those father figures and she still is "in therapy for years " because she is fixated on having a "real father" she has more problems than you are admitting.
I suspect that this obsession is just some type of power ploy to get you to do what she wants you to do (get married to anyone with a Y chromosome) or the symptom of a much bigger psychological issue.
Does her therapist say that her issue really is not having a father, even though she has an uncle, grandfather, ex-step-father and other adult males in her life? I rather doubt it.
Or does your daughter say that is her only issue.
Wrong. There is no substitute for a father. I know, because I live with this every day, and I'm 38 years old. My dad is still alive, but he's an on again, off again dad, mostly off. I only hear from him once a year, or less. He has missed most of the important milestones in my life, including my college graduation, and that was his decision. I have always wanted him to be a part of my life (until recently, when I finally gave up reaching out to him to save my own sanity), am a great daughter every dad should be proud of, and my dad is very wealthy, so I have no clue why he doesn't care. It hurts, and I think it always will. Nothing anyone can say or do will fix this huge rejection. And no other person can fill that hole that a parent does. I am fortunate that I have many people in my life who love and care about me, a great job, and a wonderful home, but I will always feel that loss. Parenting is not a short term or part time job, and too many so called parents fail to understand that their kids never forget that.
Wrong. There is no substitute for a father. I know, because I live with this every day, and I'm 38 years old. My dad is still alive, but he's an on again, off again dad, mostly off. I only hear from him once a year, or less. He has missed most of the important milestones in my life, including my college graduation, and that was his decision. I have always wanted him to be a part of my life (until recently, when I finally gave up reaching out to him to save my own sanity), am a great daughter every dad should be proud of, and my dad is very wealthy, so I have no clue why he doesn't care. It hurts, and I think it always will. Nothing anyone can say or do will fix this huge rejection. And no other person can fill that hole that a parent does. I am fortunate that I have many people in my life who love and care about me, a great job, and a wonderful home, but I will always feel that loss. Parenting is not a short term or part time job, and too many so called parents fail to understand that their kids never forget that.
Too bad the latest guy, to whom she is very attached, probably won't stick around either.
You need to STOP the merry-go-round of men in your daughter's life despite her desires. It's more harm than good. My mother, bless her heart, didn't expose me to all sorts of men after her divorce. On the contrary, I only remember one man in her life (my stepfather) during the years from when my parents split up and my 18th birthday. She refused to expose her child to random relationships of little to no substance for whatever reason, even if it meant sacrificing her prime dating years. I will ALWAYS admire her for that. You think you are doing good by having those guys around but you're not. You're doing just the opposite.
You need to take a break from men. PERIOD. Put on your big girl panties and try and strengthen your relationship with your daughter. You can't compensate for a strong male figure but you can make your relationship as strong as it gets to lessen the blow. My parents divorced when I was very young. thankfully my father was a great man who was in my life even at a distance but as with most kids of divorce, I didn't see him everyday. However, a strong bond formed between me and my mother and grandmother and I learned to adapt to having females as the everyday role models in my life. I turned out fine.
Too bad the latest guy, to whom she is very attached, probably won't stick around either.
This is true. But single parents, mothers and fathers both, are caught between a rock and a hard place. The marriage/relationship with the ex didn't work out. So what do they do? Be alone and avoid relationships until the kids grow up and move out? Even if they are very careful about whom the kids meet and only bring around people they are serious about that they think they might marry or will marry, there's no guarantee they will stick around. That's why I think people are too quick to suggest couples break up, especially when there are kids involved. The consequences to the kids are very negative, often more negative than a bad relationship between the parents, especially if the problems are temporary. People automatically assume that parents splitting up is better for the kids than arguing parents and that isn't always the case.
Wrong. There is no substitute for a father. I know, because I live with this every day, and I'm 38 years old. My dad is still alive, but he's an on again, off again dad, mostly off. I only hear from him once a year, or less. He has missed most of the important milestones in my life, including my college graduation, and that was his decision. I have always wanted him to be a part of my life (until recently, when I finally gave up reaching out to him to save my own sanity), am a great daughter every dad should be proud of, and my dad is very wealthy, so I have no clue why he doesn't care. It hurts, and I think it always will. Nothing anyone can say or do will fix this huge rejection. And no other person can fill that hole that a parent does. I am fortunate that I have many people in my life who love and care about me, a great job, and a wonderful home, but I will always feel that loss. Parenting is not a short term or part time job, and too many so called parents fail to understand that their kids never forget that.
Your mom is as much of the problem as your dad was. She's the one who picked him, which means she had on idea how to teach you about good men.
A girl can grow up without her biological father in her life and have no negative repercussions if she has the right kind of mother.
If I remember correctly, he either died or is in prison.
I believe he died. Her exH is/was in prison.
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