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I am a male and have two sisters that both have children. I notice at times my sisters are overly critical and trying to tell our mother how to handle the kids. For example my mother today was holding my 1 year old nephew and my sister would say hold is head etc.. Does this really need to be said to a 60 year old that had 3 children of her own? It's not only that it's a lot of different things and at times both sisters go overboard and use the words "my kid". "Can you put my kid down" "Can you just listen to me it's my kid"
My mother was not doing anything that would harm the welfare of the kids she is very loving.
It makes my mother sad and upset sometimes that she gets criticized over things that shouldn't be. Yes the kids aren't hers but she doesn't have to be treated like that.
Just wondering if this is normal for young parents to treat their parents like this.
I am a male and have two sisters that both have children. I notice at times my sisters are overly critical and trying to tell our mother how to handle the kids. For example my mother today was holding my 1 year old nephew and my sister would say hold is head etc.. Does this really need to be said to a 60 year old that had 3 children of her own?
If we're talking about a newborn and she's forgotten how to hold a small baby? Yes. Absolutely. There were times my MIL would hold my youngest daughter without supporting her back (she'd hold her with her arm across her bottom), and she (daughter) was known to jerk back and wriggle around a lot. My husband had to remind her a few times to support her back. There was actually one occasion where she did jerk back when she was holding her and my husband managed to catch her from falling completely out of her arms.
There were things that she just seemed to forget, or was fuzzy about. Like giving <12 month infants honey. That is a no-go, but since my FIL gave my husband bites of honey/peanut butter sandwiches before a year old then that means it still must be okay. She'd mention things that were just outdated.
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It's not only that it's a lot of different things and at times both sisters go overboard and use the words "my kid".
Well, it is her kid.
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"Can you put my kid down" "Can you just listen to me it's my kid"
I have no problem establishing boundaries and making it known how we do things with our kids. I likely wouldn't phrase it in that way, but I wouldn't (and don't) hesitate to let her know our expectations and practices.
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My mother was not doing anything that would harm the welfare of the kids she is very loving.
She can be loving and well-meaning and still cross the line or do something the parents don't approve of.
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It makes my mother sad and upset sometimes that she gets criticized over things that shouldn't be.
It isn't up to her or you to decide how her daughters choose to parent and their expectations.
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Yes the kids aren't hers but she doesn't have to be treated like that.
Like what? Being told not to do something the parents don't like, or being reminded about baby/child-related practices?
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Just wondering if this is normal for young parents to treat their parents like this.
It's not about young parents. I've never dealt with my mother overstepping boundaries, giving unsolicited advice (her mother did both and she hated it), or undermining me. Ever. She's awesome. But my MIL, my current husband's mother, was pretty overbearing when my youngest was a baby. And she was passive-aggressive and just... too much. (yes, yes, first grandbaby, I get it, but still)
My mom still thinks car seats are made up stupidity, and there are tons of people on this forum who think that safety features are making us weak instead of saving children's lives. So, yeah... despite the fact that some of these people's children survived, you can't just blanket trust them to know or remember everything...especially 30 + years later.
It is up to your Mother to deal with this issue with your sister.
Parents are difficult a lot of times and honestly all your Mother has to do is tell your sister to stay home and when your sister asks why your Mother should tell her the truth.
my mom still thinks car seats are made up stupidity, and there are tons of people on this forum who think that safety features are making us weak instead of saving children's lives. So, yeah... Despite the fact that some of these people's children survived, you can't just blanket trust them to know or remember everything...especially 30 + years later.
1yr olds have control of their heads, so that seems like a silly thing for your sister to tell your mom. But I think it is completely acceptable to tell mothers or anyone else about parents' preferences as well as standards of care which have changed.
I visited my son & DIL for a week when my grandchild was about a year old. My DIL asked her mother to come over to "supervise" me the first time that I babysat by myself. I am a retired early childhood teacher, with a master's degree in Early Childhood Development who also taught parenting classes. And , of course, I raised my own children. Luckily, I was fine with her concern.
Her Mom & I laughed about it together. Yes, new parents can be overprotective. However, it is also true that new information is available on raising children safely, so it is important that grandparents are (politely) informed on current best practices.
I am a male and have two sisters that both have children. I notice at times my sisters are overly critical and trying to tell our mother how to handle the kids. For example my mother today was holding my 1 year old nephew and my sister would say hold is head etc.. Does this really need to be said to a 60 year old that had 3 children of her own? It's not only that it's a lot of different things and at times both sisters go overboard and use the words "my kid". "Can you put my kid down" "Can you just listen to me it's my kid"
My mother was not doing anything that would harm the welfare of the kids she is very loving.
It makes my mother sad and upset sometimes that she gets criticized over things that shouldn't be. Yes the kids aren't hers but she doesn't have to be treated like that.
Just wondering if this is normal for young parents to treat their parents like this.
I feel bad for your mom, OP; it must hurt her feelings!
I do notice some grandparents being a bit "fuzzy"with particulars that are so second nature to me because I didn't have 25 years inbetween my own kids & my grandkids.
Let me tell you; a LOT has changed. I have 11 kids; the oldest is 30 & the youngest is 12. I have 4 grands; the oldest is 7 & the youngest is almost 1 month. This means I only had 5 years inbetween my own babies & the grandbabies.
When my oldest was born car seats were encouraged but not required. There was no such thing as seat belt laws. Breastfeeding was considered "backwards" (I did it anyway). Parents were told to rub whiskey on the gums of a teething baby & NO ONE put a baby in a crib on their backs. This was in 1986.
By the time my youngest was born in 2003; everything had flip-flopped. You don't leave the hospital with baby unless your car seat is properly installed, moms nurse in public, you don't DARE put alcohol in a child's mouth & the motto is "BACK to sleep".
It IS a pet peeve of mine to see a 6month-18 month old carried upright in 1 arm without it's back or head guarded. Kids that age have a way of randomly pitching backward or to the side ... drives me crazy to see that (the other one is a kid standing up in a shopping cart that is not sat down & belted, ugh!).
But make no mistake; my grandkids ARE my babies. My older boys that are the parents & the moms know better than to correct me on that one; I'll pull rank in a heartbeat!
Now, today I spent 5 hours straight holding my 1 month old granddaughter (with one 20 min feeding time break) at a church festival so my son & his wife could relax & chase the 2 year old around & I must have had 100 people come up to me & say "How old is your baby?" or "Your baby is so beautiful!" & of course I said "Oh thank you; she's my new GRANDbaby!" & I'd point to my son or his wife & say "Thats momma/daddy over there".
I mean really, I've been bouncing babies on my knee since I was 17 years old ... it's my kids' turn to be the proud parents.
I am a male and have two sisters that both have children. I notice at times my sisters are overly critical and trying to tell our mother how to handle the kids. For example my mother today was holding my 1 year old nephew and my sister would say hold is head etc.. Does this really need to be said to a 60 year old that had 3 children of her own? It's not only that it's a lot of different things and at times both sisters go overboard and use the words "my kid". "Can you put my kid down" "Can you just listen to me it's my kid"
My mother was not doing anything that would harm the welfare of the kids she is very loving.
It makes my mother sad and upset sometimes that she gets criticized over things that shouldn't be. Yes the kids aren't hers but she doesn't have to be treated like that.
Just wondering if this is normal for young parents to treat their parents like this.
I think the child's mother has good intentions and has every right to protect HER child, but her "delivery" needs some work. I understand why your mother (the Grandmother) would be upset or offended.
Your mom still deserves respect. Your sisters are not the professionals on parenting. They are trying to control without regard. I can sincerely relate to having a "corrective" statement made... It devalues the loving grandparent as if they are inept. Which is far from the truth. Children are held in different manners... In certain cultures... So there is no one size fits all.
Your sisters may be protective.. And that's acceptable. They can address it with a team attitude.
Being possessive will wear off...
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