Daughter had to get stomach pumped upset at sorority. (insurance, 18 year old, school)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why do you think she joined that organization? That sort of thing is what they're all about. Their main purpose is to avoid restrictions that the colleges and society put on such activities. What they teach young people, is that if they're members of the "in" group, they're immune from the rules applied to the common folk. If you don't pull her out of that outfit immediately, she'll be handicapped with that kind of thinking for the rest of her life. She's not innocent nor is she a victim and should not be treated like one.
It's not like that for sororities, at all. They have incredibly strict house rules. They don't ever host events with alcohol. It's simply not allowed.
I'm so incredibly tired of this whole blame Greek life when most people don't even know what they're talking about.
I am not sure what university you are basing this statement on...maybe BYU
All national panhelenic sorority houses are dry. All of them. Drinking is allowed at fraternity houses. That's where the parties are. That doesn't mean people don't drink in sorority houses. When people did in mine, it was on the down-low out of plastic cups while getting ready to go out. There aren't sorority-sanctioned keg parties. The OP is wanting the school and/or the sorority to act as a parent for this young adult. It doesn't work that way. There is no adult sorority official that will go around to parties with her daughter to make sure she doesn't drink. Mom needs to wake up and place responsibility on her adult daughter where it belongs.
Why do you think she joined that organization? That sort of thing is what they're all about. Their main purpose is to avoid restrictions that the colleges and society put on such activities. What they teach young people, is that if they're members of the "in" group, they're immune from the rules applied to the common folk. If you don't pull her out of that outfit immediately, she'll be handicapped with that kind of thinking for the rest of her life. She's not innocent nor is she a victim and should not be treated like one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WeHa
It's not like that for sororities, at all. They have incredibly strict house rules. They don't ever host events with alcohol. It's simply not allowed.
I'm so incredibly tired of this whole blame Greek life when most people don't even know what they're talking about.
That's what it says in the little handbook of rules they give them. And that's as far as that ever goes. In practice, they learn how to do whatever they want and find ways to get away with it. That's why they are known as "secret societies". The more strict their upbringing, the more eager they are to go wild. That's why practicing hard discipline on children usually backfires, because there's so many opportunities like this for them to escape it, when they get away from home. They need to be given practice at handling their own decisions about such things, beginning at an early age.
It's not like that for sororities, at all. They have incredibly strict house rules. They don't ever host events with alcohol. It's simply not allowed.
I'm so incredibly tired of this whole blame Greek life when most people don't even know what they're talking about.
Your response is a vast generalization that may be 100% correct for the specific organization at the specific institution in the specific circumstances with which you are familiar but that certainly doesn't make it true for all organizations at all institutions at all times.
My daughter is a great person and has always made good grades and helped in the community but like many young people she can still make mistakes. When she went off to college she joined a sorority, I admit I was a bit apprehensive due to what kind of stuff can go on in these Greek houses whether they be sororities or fraternities but didn't say anything.
But my fears came to pass when last Saturday she ended up drinking so much she had to be taken to the hospital and get her stomach pumped. My husband and I drove over two hours to get to her when we found out. Thankfully she is okay but she is only 19 and I am furious she was allowed to drink. Neither my husband or I drink and she never drank in high school, we even warned her about it.
But I understand peer pressure especially when you are in something like a sorority, and as far as I know they are looking to find out who supplied the alcohol.
She is thankfully fine, and I am not saying she is completely innocent but the fact she was allowed access to it at all and no doubt peer pressured into it greatly bothers me. She has said she just made a mistake and doesn't want anyone to get in trouble and she said she doesn't know who supplied it.
Shouldn't this kind of stuff be closely monitored by the school?
The issue isn't the fraternities or sororities. As you yourself have said, you know what kinds of activities go on there (I imagine worse things go on than you currently imagine). Underage drinking is passively condoned at these parties.
The issue is your daughter's immaturity, wisdom (or lack thereof) and decision making. Who knows why she drank that much. She either wanted to, or was pressured into it. Either way... she made the decision herself. There will always be men around willing to give young women alcohol to get them drunk. Unfortunately, there is very little that you can do at this point. She is 19 and she *has* to develop survival skills (like making decisions that don't end up with her going to the hospital) herself.
You could cut off any/all funding for her sorority. That would force her to withdraw from the sorority, but it will not prevent her from attending parties and being offered alcohol.
If I were in your place, i would send ONE parent to corner one of her non-sorority acquaintances (acquaintance, not friend) and try to get some frank information out of them on what your daughter is like and if she has any unhealthy tendencies (like binge drinking often).
Sorry for her troubles. Hopefully she figures out that its possible to enjoy a social scene without endangering her health & well being.
oh please. The only reason you join those groups are for socializing with others that think like you. most people relate socializing with alcohol.
I think this really depends on the school and the greek organization. When my son was in college he belonged to a dry fraternity. The students were not allowed to keep alcohol in the house and they did not serve alcohol at chapter functions (although they did at private parties held outside the house).
I would say that overall being a member of a greek organization was a net positive for my son. He did get some drinking buddies out of it but he also had academic support, participated in community events, and has had help in getting his professional life started.
The OP should have a long talk with her daughter about being safe around alcohol. It is clear that drinking is part of the young woman's life. Learning safe behavior, how to protect her friends and herself should be part of her preparation for adulthood.
Your daughter is a grown-up. She made her own decisions. Peer pressure is an issue for all of us-- as children, as teenagers, and as adults. We all make our own decisions. Sometimes I've made decisions I can be proud of in the face of peer pressure, sometimes I haven't. In this case, she made a decision that could have killed her.
Schools can't control the decisions adults make (and they shouldn't). I want to a small, religious college. It was "dry." Do you really think it was dry? Ha! Small. Religious. And definitely not dry. When people were caught with alcohol, there were consequences, but the school officials couldn't monitor everything going on. Nor should they.
Your upset and blame are misguided in this situation. I'm glad your daughter is fine.
My daughter is a great person and has always made good grades and helped in the community but like many young people she can still make mistakes. When she went off to college she joined a sorority, I admit I was a bit apprehensive due to what kind of stuff can go on in these Greek houses whether they be sororities or fraternities but didn't say anything.
But my fears came to pass when last Saturday she ended up drinking so much she had to be taken to the hospital and get her stomach pumped. My husband and I drove over two hours to get to her when we found out. Thankfully she is okay but she is only 19 and I am furious she was allowed to drink. Neither my husband or I drink and she never drank in high school, we even warned her about it.
But I understand peer pressure especially when you are in something like a sorority, and as far as I know they are looking to find out who supplied the alcohol.
She is thankfully fine, and I am not saying she is completely innocent but the fact she was allowed access to it at all and no doubt peer pressured into it greatly bothers me. She has said she just made a mistake and doesn't want anyone to get in trouble and she said she doesn't know who supplied it.
Shouldn't this kind of stuff be closely monitored by the school?
Did you or your daughter report it?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
