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I would like to know if this admission (if this is really how things went) was made during a casual conversation or expressed in the heat of a battle about other things, perhaps when the parent tried to reign in the curfew. If during an argument, perhaps the child was just blurting out anything that might be ammunition to regain some 'control' over the parent - and in that case, it may not even be true at all. Seems as though a lot of details were given that most kids would not have offered, perhaps even in the best and most open of families - not only 'I am having sex' but 'with all sorts of (theoretically) random strangers', etc.
I believe this^^is key to the situation described by in the OP. Until this^^is answered, the information is just too vague.
The only concerning words that jumped out at me in the OP were "random" and "all the time." It could very well be the case that the daughter is desperately crying for help...Or maybe she's just having fun? Enjoying discovering sex and boys?
I'm a pretty modest person, hate PDA, have relatively "sheltered" children, but I'm honestly surprised how many posters here are quick to believe there must be an "issue" with a 17 year old girl having sex outside of a serious relationship. I don't have an agenda, I'm just surprised. I honestly thought the consensus these days was that girls were as free to enjoy sex as boys (I mean the literal enjoyment, not that the repercussions and consequences are the same.)
Yes, birth control and STD testing is paramount (that's teaching responsible adulthood) but, is it really still the case that girls can't enjoy sex without stigma? Overall, it's interesting to me that "multiple" (which is an incredibly broad adjective in this context) indicates an "issue" and not sex itself. Strangers, Internet hook ups, "different" "random" boys everyday, at school, etc would all be alarming to me, yes. But "multiple" as the primary indicator of a much deeper problem...I'm not convinced...
Could be, could be not. While we get lots of those, so far in this case we have no indication, so we have to treat it seriously.
Last night she told me she's having sex.
I've cried myself to sleep for the past few nights (presumably from the news).
Stated from the OP.
Also, the way it's worded is very reminiscent of the wording of a few other similar forum posts which talk at length about undeveloped teenagers having sex. Aaaaand one post count for the OP. I'm smelling troll, but carry on.
BTW, don't forget HIV/AIDS testing, too. Young women, even high school age, can be exposed to HIV/AIDS.
To the person who asked me if I realized that HIV/AIDS is a STD. The answer is "Yes, of course, I know that."
However, not all doctors routinely test for HIV/AIDS because of the "it's not happening in our community philosophy" or the "high school students are not ever exposed to HIV misconception".
Uh, OK. Nobody is saying that someone can't have sex at high noon. Or that as soon as 1 AM rolls around everyone who is not at home is automatically impregnated. The point is that if your kid is out at 1 AM, then by definition you're an outlier in terms of discipline. How your kid behaves is often based on how they were raised. That doesn't mean always, but often. People like to remove responsibility from actions, so they claim that you can raise anyone any way you want and it's complete random chance what actions they take. That's clearly not true. The less discipline a parent has, the higher chance their kid has to do dumb stuff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nor'Eastah
This thread doesn't pass the smell test. The OP (go back and read it) is not the type of thing a real parent would write. Some smart aleck kid is getting free laughs on anyone who responds to this thread.
I'd hate to tell ya how many 17 yo's out there are having sex.
We are a middle class family, all kids do good in school and have good upbringings. Three kids are very respectful. My oldest daughter, who is 17 years 5 months old is still very immature for her age. She looks very young, not really developed maybe looks 14. She still is a 'mommas girl'. She is not one of these 17 year olds that you see who looks and acts 25.
This year I let her get more freedom by going out with friends at night as long as she is in by 1am. She started staying out later, hanging around not so nice kids, and drinking. I put a stop to her going out as best I could.
Last night she informed me that she lost her virginity a year ago and is having sex with random teenage boys from school. I was mortified! Not only is she very immature for her age, but she is also not in a serious relationship with a boy she's known for years. Rather, she is having sex with different guys all the time. I was literally physically sick. I told her she is way too young to even have sex let alone with multiple guys. I'm so upset I cried myself to sleep the past few nights. I'm just so disappointed with her.
Me and her father are going to sit her down for a serious talk.
Asking teen parents here how they feel. Do you think I'm over reacting? Is sex with multiple boys by immature girls the 'norm' now? Would any other parents out there feel disgusted as well? All of her very close lifetime friends are still virgins and very good girls. Her old friends have stopped hanging around her as they don't like this behavior. If she was very mature for her age and maybe a year older with a serious boyfriend I would be more understanding, but this is just making me ill.
If she waited until 16, she is not the norm. That's OLD now-a-days, and she did well resisting peer presure until that age.
You can't stop her, that's the bottom line. She's going to do it no matter what. You really have two choices, help her be safe, be a shoulder when she needs it, and be amazed and thankful that she felt comfortable to tell you. Or, you can destroy that trust by judging her, voicing disappiontment, cause her to never tell you again... but she will still do it. She is going to do it- that's not a variable. The only variable is what YOU do your relationship with your daughter.
Tell her the enjoyment factor would greatly increase by switching teams. Less football players and more basketball players. At a later date girls volleyball maybe the solution.
My sister told our mother she was pregnant at 17, the conversation went somewhere's along the lines of she was quitting school, mom said no, my sister said she would have to when the baby came. My sister went back to school got a degree, has done quite well for herself. My niece is now in her 40's has an MBA, a consulting company, seems to go to Hawaii and all kinds of places for conferences, so I guess everything turned out ok.
17yr olds having sex isn't anything new, The Who has a song with the line "Girls of 15 sexual knowing" that's from the 70's. Just get her counseling by a doctor, and as a friend used to say, nothing good happens after midnight.
funny you wrote that, that was told to me by my parents, and I used to say that to my 3 sons when they were teens.
We are a middle class family, all kids do good in school and have good upbringings. Three kids are very respectful. My oldest daughter, who is 17 years 5 months old is still very immature for her age. She looks very young, not really developed maybe looks 14. She still is a 'mommas girl'. She is not one of these 17 year olds that you see who looks and acts 25.
This year I let her get more freedom by going out with friends at night as long as she is in by 1am. She started staying out later, hanging around not so nice kids, and drinking. I put a stop to her going out as best I could.
Last night she informed me that she lost her virginity a year ago and is having sex with random teenage boys from school. I was mortified! Not only is she very immature for her age, but she is also not in a serious relationship with a boy she's known for years. Rather, she is having sex with different guys all the time. I was literally physically sick. I told her she is way too young to even have sex let alone with multiple guys. I'm so upset I cried myself to sleep the past few nights. I'm just so disappointed with her.
Me and her father are going to sit her down for a serious talk.
Asking teen parents here how they feel. Do you think I'm over reacting? Is sex with multiple boys by immature girls the 'norm' now? Would any other parents out there feel disgusted as well? All of her very close lifetime friends are still virgins and very good girls. Her old friends have stopped hanging around her as they don't like this behavior. If she was very mature for her age and maybe a year older with a serious boyfriend I would be more understanding, but this is just making me ill.
You're not over-reacting at all. A teenage girl who is bed hopping has some serious self-esteem issues and if she doesn't stop bed hopping and sort them out, she will think that sex is a weapon for manipulation, and she'll never understand love with a partner.
Get her into therapy so she can discover how to be confident with boys without sex.
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