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I'd guess he's using his mom as an excuse. Lots of kids use the "my mom said no" excuse when they don't want to hang out with somebody anymore. I know I did. It's less hurtful than saying, "Hey, I don't want to hang out anymore."
Friends come and go at that age. It's just part of life.
And he's probably ready to move on to other friends...and girlfriends. There may be another girl in the picture that he sees as a girlfriend rather than a girl-friend. And a girlfriend is not going to want her boyfriend to have a girl-friend, even at that age.
When I was 11, I spent a whole summer with the son of one of my mom's oldest friends. We had the best time. Once school started though, our friendship just disappeared. He went back to his school friends, and I went back to mine.
Your daughter will find new friends. Maybe she might like to join a school club or an after-school sport. Good ways to make new friends.
That's what I was thinking, but to put it off on my daughter giving her a weird vibe was so wrong. Now my daughter is upset. I just don't understand why she couldn't have come to me and talked about it. They are never unsupervised while here, so if that was the issue she could have asked.
If it were my daughter, I would go to his mother and ask her what the issue is, but do it privately, not in front of either child.
It could be that she knows her son's hormones are raging and she's afraid his having a girl for a best friend will get them both in trouble. I know as a mother of two girls, I wouldn't be real comfortable with them hanging out at that age.
I have a mom and a wife and it always seems that the bad vibe thing is caught in the early stages of a friendship, not three years later. I doubt it is the mom.
My guess:
He is 14 and has discovered girls that he may want to date. Chances are he does not see your daughter as someone he would date. To him she is a best friend. The problem having a best friend that is a girl when you are a guy is that the other girls are going to think that they are an item.
At 14 he is in high school or starting soon? He may have even been told from his other "friends" that he needs to drop her so he can move on to the hot chicks at the school. Guys are so misguided like that. They don't always realize what they will be losing when they drop their best friend that happens to be a girl.
It hurts and is not cool but that may be how it is.
The only way around this is to talk it out, something that guys are not always into doing.
My daughter has a boy best friend. They have been friends for 3 years and are now both 14 years old. My daughter is a really good student, doesn't do drugs and doesn't get into trouble except for the normal teenage back talk not doing chores on time, etc...
They and another friend hang out pretty much every weekend. They are good kids, never any issues with the three of them getting into trouble.
Her male friend hasn't been able to hang out hardly at all this Summer so today my daughter straight up asked him why? He said his Mom told him a while back she gets a "weird vibe" from my daughter. I have no idea why this is coming up now after 3 years of friendship. She is just beside herself now and doesn't know what to do and neither do I. I don't even know what weird vibe she could be getting? All of her other friends parents think she's great and have never had any problems.
I don't think she would be comfortable with me going and talking to her, teenage thing ya know, so I'm at a loss as how to help.
Has anyone else had this issue?
Let's see how this option goes...and please, let us know.
Have your daughter go to this boy's house when his mom is home and have your daughter speak to the mom to clarify her 'weird vibe' comment. This gives your daughter an opportunity to handle her own problems in an adult way, and convey to his mom that her thoughts about them having sex (if that's what it is and she admits it) is not going to happen.
If she really wants to know the meaning, she needs to ask... I honestly hope she does this and it works out well...
His mom will have more respect for her and she'll be proud that she took care of this issue herself.
Then you need to take her for an ice cream!
I have a mom and a wife and it always seems that the bad vibe thing is caught in the early stages of a friendship, not three years later. I doubt it is the mom.
My guess:
He is 14 and has discovered girls that he may want to date. Chances are he does not see your daughter as someone he would date. To him she is a best friend. The problem having a best friend that is a girl when you are a guy is that the other girls are going to think that they are an item.
At 14 he is in high school or starting soon? He may have even been told from his other "friends" that he needs to drop her so he can move on to the hot chicks at the school. Guys are so misguided like that. They don't always realize what they will be losing when they drop their best friend that happens to be a girl.
It hurts and is not cool but that may be how it is.
The only way around this is to talk it out, something that guys are not always into doing.
1. If all it takes for him to pull away is some 'bad vibes' comment by mom, then he's not much of a friend or he's a puss, or both. I mean he's 14, not 8! Grow a pair.
2. They are already messing around....hence the 'bad vibes'.
3. Everything Steve McDonald said.
Agree ^^^. Quite possible that the mother said nothing and now at 14, he prefers not to be best friends with a girl, and making mom the bad guy is easier than explaining why he is just moving on to new types of relationships.
My daughter has a boy best friend. They have been friends for 3 years and are now both 14 years old. My daughter is a really good student, doesn't do drugs and doesn't get into trouble except for the normal teenage back talk not doing chores on time, etc...
They and another friend hang out pretty much every weekend. They are good kids, never any issues with the three of them getting into trouble.
Her male friend hasn't been able to hang out hardly at all this Summer so today my daughter straight up asked him why? He said his Mom told him a while back she gets a "weird vibe" from my daughter. I have no idea why this is coming up now after 3 years of friendship. She is just beside herself now and doesn't know what to do and neither do I. I don't even know what weird vibe she could be getting? All of her other friends parents think she's great and have never had any problems.
I don't think she would be comfortable with me going and talking to her, teenage thing ya know, so I'm at a loss as how to help.
Has anyone else had this issue?
Don't help. This is a teachable moment, and this is real life.
Not everyone stays friends forever. You don't know if this boy has just used his Mom as an excuse not to keep hanging out with your daughter. If he has avoided hanging out with your daughter all summer I'm pretty sure it is because he has other interests.
Teens change a lot, especially during this age when they are figuring out who they are. There are a lot of differences between 11 and 14 that do occur for males and females. It isn't quite the same for teens to be exclusively hanging out with the opposite sex at 14....maybe his guy friends have been teasing him. Who knows.
As her Mom you are supposed to be letting her figure out things like this on her own, even if it is painful. Be there to support her and encourage her to make other friends. Anymore will stunt her own coping skills.
You should enable your daughter to understand that and help her learn some coping skills because this type thing does happen during the teenaged years.
Last edited by JanND; 08-23-2016 at 10:45 AM..
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