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My 17 year old son told me last night that he may hang out with his female coworker friend on Saturday after work. I asked what their plans were (considering he isn't off until after 9pm). After a suspicious long pause he says that she invited him over to just hang out and maybe they'd have something to drink. Her sister (they are both 18) would be there as well. He thought this sounded great considering he's had a rough time at work the last few months (broke up with co-worker, not enjoying his job, etc). She does live with her mother - not sure if the father is present. He claims the mother would be home, but whether they would be sneaking alcohol or have moms permission to drink is unclear. He says that he would just end up staying the night because he knows not to drink.
Ok.... so first and foremost I am thankful he shared this with me. Many kids would just present an innocent version of their plans to parents and then go do what they want anyhow. I am happy he told me because I want him to be comfortable talking to me. For this reason I don't want to flat out tell him no, but believe me I SO want to. I am aware that kids will drink - I know this is part of teenage experimentation but I really don't know how to handle this. I don't know this girl other than the few times I've seen her at his job. I don't know if she is a regular drinker or uses drugs and I don't know her parents or their lifestyle. I tend to worry excessively and I know this dictates my decisions sometimes.
I did tell him that I am glad he shared with me and that although I'm not saying he cannot go at this point, I also can't condone him planning a night of drinking. We kinda left it at that. What am I worried about? Him drinking too much to the point of being dangerous or fatal. Them making a drunk decision to drive to Taco Bell or something. Him enjoying it so much that he starts using alcohol as an escape. Him doing other drugs there. Him getting the wrong impression that I am okay with it because I don't say "no" flat out. She lives about 15 minutes away, roughly 10 miles down a 2-lane highway which is notorious for accidents and drunk drivers coming back from the casino... of course I worry about this as well.
What is your guys' opinion? How would you handle this?
If he were my kid, I would let him go, but I'm also the type to definitely have a curfew (probably somewhere between 11:00 and midnight at his age) so the window for problems has shortened given his 9:00 work departure. If he is going to drink and meet his curfew, he will have to call us to pick him up or use Uber. Staying overnight is not an option. If he doesn't have a curfew then this approach wouldn't work
I'm split. I wouldn't be happy about it but at the same time he's telling the truth and not planning to drink and drive. I think I'd let him go but pick him up at a set time (say 11/12) so he doesn't stay the night. And give advice that he shouldn't drink and why but not to the extent he'd feel the need to hide it from you. My parents always had a no questions asked pick up policy when we were in high school which I plan to do when we get to that point.
There's nothing wrong with 17 year olds having a drink or two on the weekends as long as he isn't going to be driving.
You mean, other than it being illegal?
No sleepovers with two women. Either have one of the others drive him home, he comes home himself or you go get him.
At what time is his regular Saturday curfew?
If he were my kid, I would let him go, but I'm also the type to definitely have a curfew (probably somewhere between 11:00 and midnight at his age) so the window for problems has shortened given his 9:00 work departure. If he is going to drink and meet his curfew, he will have to call us to pick him up or use Uber. Staying overnight is not an option. If he doesn't have a curfew then this approach wouldn't work
Hmm, this isn't a bad idea. He would be getting a little of what he wants and I wouldn't have to worry about him all night.
I'm split. I wouldn't be happy about it but at the same time he's telling the truth and not planning to drink and drive. I think I'd let him go but pick him up at a set time (say 11/12) so he doesn't stay the night. And give advice that he shouldn't drink and why but not to the extent he'd feel the need to hide it from you. My parents always had a no questions asked pick up policy when we were in high school which I plan to do when we get to that point.
Right? I'm happy he told me but not loving the idea of him planning to drink. I know teens do this though.. I'd have my head in the sand if I thought otherwise.
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