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We are a middle class family, all kids do good in school and have good upbringings. Three kids are very respectful. My oldest daughter, who is 17 years 5 months old is still very immature for her age. She looks very young, not really developed maybe looks 14. She still is a 'mommas girl'. She is not one of these 17 year olds that you see who looks and acts 25.
This year I let her get more freedom by going out with friends at night as long as she is in by 1am. She started staying out later, hanging around not so nice kids, and drinking. I put a stop to her going out as best I could.
Last night she informed me that she lost her virginity a year ago and is having sex with random teenage boys from school. I was mortified! Not only is she very immature for her age, but she is also not in a serious relationship with a boy she's known for years. Rather, she is having sex with different guys all the time. I was literally physically sick. I told her she is way too young to even have sex let alone with multiple guys. I'm so upset I cried myself to sleep the past few nights. I'm just so disappointed with her.
Me and her father are going to sit her down for a serious talk.
Asking teen parents here how they feel. Do you think I'm over reacting? Is sex with multiple boys by immature girls the 'norm' now? Would any other parents out there feel disgusted as well? All of her very close lifetime friends are still virgins and very good girls. Her old friends have stopped hanging around her as they don't like this behavior. If she was very mature for her age and maybe a year older with a serious boyfriend I would be more understanding, but this is just making me ill.
More importantly, in my opinion, is to get her to a doctor asap. If she's been having sex without the use of condoms with multiple partners she needs to be tested for STDs. You also need to consider getting her some type of hormonal birth control unless you want to be a grandparent. The serious talk should not solely focus on the morality of her behavior. It needs to focus on health issues also.
Just my opinion, but a 17 year old having multiple sex partners, MAYBE a sign of some underlying psychological/emotional issue that needs to be addressed.
While she may not look mature or developed, she is 17. I assume she menstruates? If that is the case, she's just as physically mature as the 17 year old that looks 25.
It's not the norm, but neither is it the norm that someone lets their 17 year old stay out to 1 AM and that's actually the compromise. Sounds like you basically raised her loosy-goosy and now want her to suddenly want to respect boundaries, which doesn't really make sense.
1 am curfew? At 17!
Commend her for honesty. I never had that with my parental unit.
She need to get on birth control tomorrow. And from one who has been in her shoes ( at age 19 however) there is some issues there whether self esteem, addiction or more. Too soon to be labeled as a sex addict but I.m sure there's probably alcohol or drugs involved.
Get her some medical and behavioral care stat.
I had a 1am curfew at age 29 or whenever i was under their roof so that needs some curtailing.
Straigten her out before college or she.s really gonna go hog wild.
It's just as easy for a kid to have sex at 5 PM, 8 PM or whatever as it is at 1 AM. So staying out late has little to do with her behavior.
I agree with rrah said. Off to the doctor a.s.a. p. to be tested for STD's, then long discussion on various birth control methods. In your daughter's case a preferred method would be a long term one, not a daily pill. She'll forget to take it or will deliberately forget about it. Also needs to know that she carries condoms with her and insists that male partners uses them. Good luck with that though.
Most important your daughter needs to see a counselor to find out why she has become sexually promiscuous. This isn't about immaturity, this may be more of a self esteem issue.
Your daughter has some serious emotional /psychological problems that are going to require professional help to try to solve. There are likely drug & alcohol things going on too. Your daughter trusted you enough to tell you what she has been doing. That may be a cry for help. She may realize that she has problems but doesn't how to stop or control them.
Keep anger out of your discussion with her. Just get her help quick.
I WOULD have done things a little different but whats done is done. Don't freak out on her; your actually in a pretty good spot as far as strategy goes because she is talking to you & thats alot better than where alot of other parents of teens are.
Hold off on the dramatics. Take her for a checkup. They will ask if she is sexually active; say "YES". They should know where to go from there.
If you call an Ob/Gyn and explain your daughter needs to be seen as she is sexually active they will take it from there. I did this for my daughter and it worked out beautifully. (Not the promiscuity part, necessarily)
It's just as easy for a kid to have sex at 5 PM, 8 PM or whatever as it is at 1 AM. So staying out late has little to do with her behavior.
Uh, OK. Nobody is saying that someone can't have sex at high noon. Or that as soon as 1 AM rolls around everyone who is not at home is automatically impregnated. The point is that if your kid is out at 1 AM, then by definition you're an outlier in terms of discipline. How your kid behaves is often based on how they were raised. That doesn't mean always, but often. People like to remove responsibility from actions, so they claim that you can raise anyone any way you want and it's complete random chance what actions they take. That's clearly not true. The less discipline a parent has, the higher chance their kid has to do dumb stuff.
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