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I wish parents would just let their children be. Forcing them to be more or less of something has never and will never work in the long run.
I'm in my 50s and my mother is still not too happy that I am not extremely feminine, never have been never will be. What do you know, my daughter is extremely feminine. She is her own person, imagine that.
She may never "bloom" into a girly girl, and that's fine. I'm guessing at 5, she doesn't have a huge opinion on what she wears (I could be wrong). Parents do what they know. If mom is into dresses and hair, she'll do the same for her daughter. I'm having trouble understanding how dressing her a certain way keeps her from "just being a kid."
If you're always dressed in fancy frilly stuff that doesn't wash well, then yeah, that will likely discourage any rough and tumble play - don't want to get all dirty, do we?!
If you're always dressed in fancy frilly stuff that doesn't wash well, then yeah, that will likely discourage any rough and tumble play - don't want to get all dirty, do we?!
I dont know how many 5 year olds that think about laundry and stuff like that. Mine certainly dont think about the stains on their clothes. They just do what they want to do as kids. I certainly didnt worry about whether my clothes washed well or not as a 5 year old myself.
Did your cousin marry-down? His wife sounds like she's from a social class beneath yours. The lower one goes on the Social Totem Pole, the more exaggerated gender issues become, and the more importance is attached to them. Same with IQ: dumb people obsess over "manhood" and "femininity", while people at the top are more androgynous.
But why is everybody beating around the bush, here? I think it's always been assumed, in less-than-ascendant social strata, that being a tomboy will lead to lesbianism. The same people who obsess over gender-specific behavior, tend to obsess over sexual preference. In your cousin-in-law's tiny brain, "encouraging" her daughter to be a "girly-girl" will prevent her growing into a - well - a - um... you know...
In reality, it seems that making children uncomfortable with their gender expression (or lack of it), tends to push them off the Bisexual Spectrum (where most people remain), and into full-blown same-gender preference. Calling a little boy "sissy" is the best way to be SURE he won't want girls, when he gets older. Making a boy hate his own "femininity" seems to make "feminine" qualities repulsive to him, while making "masculine" qualities, in others, attractive to him. Making a girl hate her own "masculine" traits, may cause her to be repulsed by "masculinity" in men, and attracted to the "femininity" of women. That's how self-hate seems to work.
And while it's far harder to push a girl off the Bisexual Spectrum, FORCING her to priss around in bows and dresses, when all she wants is to play on the beach, might just do the trick. She may come to detest femininity, and the 'female role'.
There are plenty of straight women who do not wear frilly clothes, wear much makeup, etc. (think british upper class). I would not equate appearance, (plain versus pretty), recreation preference, or clothing and makeup preference as being indicative of sexual preference. The same can be said for boys and men, but in reverse - just because a man is pretty or leans to the softer side of life, it does not mean that he is on a gay spectrum of sorts.....
I think the "one or the other" dichotomy is foolish. I'm and older man, and close friends with a young woman I used to work with. I think of her as young, but she's about 40 now. In her 20s she was a Miller Light Girl, tight jeans, push up bra and the whole painted face thing. If she decides to dress up, she is really nice to look at. In her spare time she's restoring an old International Scout, and you will sometimes find her under it replacing a drive line or brake lines. She married a logger and has a little girl that she dotes on. At work she is regional comptroller for a major state agency. Did I mention that she is really bright? She gets along great with men. She gets along great with women. She can go dancing or camping, your choice. Is she a girly girl? Is she a tomboy? I just think of her as a complete woman.
My 10-year-old is going through this phase and I don't like it. No girl color clothes or shoes, no dresses. She has curly hair that she won't take care of. When we shop for clothes the shirts have to be blue, gray, black with no lace, or anything frilly yada yada. I guess I should be happy and hope it keeps the boys away from her a little while longer.
My 10-year-old is going through this phase and I don't like it. No girl color clothes or shoes, no dresses. She has curly hair that she won't take care of. When we shop for clothes the shirts have to be blue, gray, black with no lace, or anything frilly yada yada. I guess I should be happy and hope it keeps the boys away from her a little while longer.
don't worry mom, one day she will grow out of it, i think the trick is to help introduce her to dresses, makeup and all that junk without being too overbearing about it, let her pick out stuff, let her know she has a choice in picking out things for herself.
don't worry mom, one day she will grow out of it, i think the trick is to help introduce her to dresses, makeup and all that junk without being too overbearing about it, let her pick out stuff, let her know she has a choice in picking out things for herself.
Don't count on it. My ex and his wife tried to turn my kid into more of a girl, bought tons of 'girly' stuff for her as she grew up, dresses, pretty shoes, make up, all of it. Mostly it just made her mad at them for not accepting who she chose to be, and as an adult she still almost never wears any of that stuff. Just because your'e a girl it doesn't mean you like all that stuff.
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