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The key is to expose to kids at a young age that being drunk is stupid looking, asinine, clownish, and that weak and stupid people abuse substances. Contempt for alcohol can and should be taught. You don't want to say it's wrong or make it a forbidden fruit. You want to show the idiocy and weakness of it. This can be done by showing them movies that contain the usual idiotic drunks and pointing out that one would never want to do this to themselves on purpose. You do this continuously in their formative years and the message will sink in.
Then, later in life, they will automatically look down on kids who get drunk and stoned. Perfect. At some point, they will still try it, but it won't do much for them after all the excellent training they have received. I always remember thinking in my school years that kids who drank and smoked dope were total losers, and I did not want to be that way. It worked great. I had a healthy and abiding distrust of substances and appreciated the stupidity of drinking booze.
Today, I will have the occasional glass or two of wine at a party. But that's about it. I was trained about what alcohol did to the brain, I was conditioned to have contempt for the sight of a drunk, and to this day I have no use for drunks or people that put up with them. Alcoholism is a character defect, and that is exactly what kids should know as they grow up.
It's really all about love and training. Put those 2 things together, and kids will grow up to be good adults.
So basically, you are the epitome of "well brought up" and the standard of perfection as far as children go?
Lol.
*It's attitudes like these that make actual parents Another poster has a very apropos expression that most parents experience at one point or another. The "humility child". Usually that child, or that phase, pop up just as we are feeling smug about what awesome parents we are.
Most kids of involved, caring parents grow up to be "good adults" - even if they had a rough year or two.
Last edited by maciesmom; 01-04-2017 at 07:01 PM..
So you're not a parent, nor are you an alcohol counselor; you're a real estate agent. Just how do you know all this?
Again, the personal attacks bore me, but I will be happy to answer the serious underlying question.
Observation, research, deduction, Reason, logic, common sense, and solid philosophy. So for example:
If I love my children, and am responsible for their health and well-being and positive development, why would I feed my children a substance that does what is shown in the links? Why would I not discourage consumption of this substance which does no good at all and makes you stupid, sloppy, ineffective, and potentially dangerous?
So the stuff is going to make my kids stupid, damage their brains, damage their livers, damage their hearts, have a myriad of other deleterious health effects, waste their time, and maybe even loosen up my daughter's inhibitions so she can be penetrated by some teenage hound dog, and possibly addict them for life if the roll of the dice reveals that their characters are sufficiently attenuated by the numbing effects.
And yet, there are "experts", which is to say "experienced parents", who are going to lecture me on their empirical parental credentials and ask what could possibly be wrong with feeding the kids this poison at the family dinner table "in moderation"?
Alcohol has been a part of human culture for some 8000+ years. Alcohol can be drunk responsibly. And it's probably better for kids to have experience with responsible, mild consumption than what you are advocating.
Um, no, absolutely not. There is no possible responsible or intelligent reason to feed your kids poison. In moderation, or otherwise. They should be trained that the reason to drink alcohol is to evade reality and extinguish your consciousness, which does not work, and cannot work. They should be trained that alcohol is a poison and does this:
8,000 years? 800,000 years, it would still be astonishingly incompetent for a parent to encourage this in any way, shape, or form.
There is no moderation or compromise or excuse. Kids should be thoroughly schooled, trained, and encouraged to avoid ANY alcohol consumption at all.
By the way, I can find 5,000 videos like the ones above. And if I transported in from another planet and watched parents drinking with their teenagers "in moderation" at the dinner table or in front of the Patriots game, the only question I could ask would be: "Why do these beings hate their kids?"
Ah yes, the world's most perfect drivers are those that have never actually driven anything.
Actually, the world's best drivers are those who have done the research and actually learned how to drive. Instead of what we actually see, people getting into cars and playing with the knobs, buttons and gear shift, while half drunk, until the car accidentally starts moving.
Spare me the lectures about "If they want it theywill find it ...". I know that. I WAS the kid that wanted it & found it.
And Pot & Coke & LSD & Mushrooms & Speed ... all by or before the age of 14. I've literally been "The Minor" in three different "Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor" cases. Trust me; I KNOW whats out there, how to find it & what to do with it when I do.
So, it would stand to reason that I might know what the consequences are too, right? Maybe, I've even lived some of these consequences? Attended my friends funerals; overdoses, suicides, homicide, drunk driving ... even renal failure from home-cooked meth.
Now, as a parent; it's BECAUSE I know; that I say NO. Not on my watch. I know that despite what I do, they might find a way.
Despite me knowing their friends, making a point of knowing their parents, knowing where they are, who they are with, providing them with a functional phone, having their friends AND the parents phone numbers, access to their social media, TELLING them when they will be home (vs asking them) ... despite all this & more; they could still find a way.
And if they do; they will know that they did it in spite of me & not because of me.
And I need to know that too ... God forbid if anything were to ever happen; I will NEED to know that it happened in spite of me & NEVER because of me.
You can't be apathetic about this sort of thing. You can't entertain variables: " Just beer, nothing harder. It's only weed, we won't leave, her mom said it's ok, there won't be any boys, it's the same thing as that glass of wine you had after work, my birthday is next month anyway, yes, we will stay here, we don't want to go anywhere anyway, I'm old enough to die for my country, I aced my English Final, ..."
NO.
They need for me to say NO. Their friends need me to say NO. Those friends parents, need for me to say NO.
The fact that I say NO; needs to be noted on every school file, police report & court document, that could ever exist, should they disrespect me & "find a way".
And then, there is the one possibility that hasn't been mentioned yet on this thread but has the most potential for being what might actually result from saying "yes": That in the event that DHS/CPS knocks on my door out of concern for my competency: I will need to be able to truthfully answer that "I said NO".
Above all though; I have to know I said NO. And one more quick point: Thinking that your kid won't get into trouble out running the streets just because you allow an open bar safe at home is just as counter-intuitive as a parent who thinks their kid won't find any trouble because they aren't allowed to. It just doesn't work that way.
I'm not a parent but my friend lets her daughter drink as long as they don't go anywhere but also let her friend drink. Someone she hadn't met before and doesn't know the parents. My friend and her cousins told her she shouldn't especially not knowing her parents. She doesn't think it's a big deal.
I think it's a big deal. These posts always get derailed...whether US drinking ages make sense or not, how to teach responsibility, etc... . In my state minors can imbibe (despite the legal drinking age) with parents, guardians, or with a legal spouse of age. If your friend wants to let her daughter drink, not knowing the laws in your state, that's one thing. Providing or allowing her friend to drink in the home, not even knowing that child's parents, I think that's a huge deal.
I'm not a parent but my friend lets her daughter drink as long as they don't go anywhere but also let her friend drink. Someone she hadn't met before and doesn't know the parents. My friend and her cousins told her she shouldn't especially not knowing her parents. She doesn't think it's a big deal.
Would I let my 16 year old daughter's friend drink alcohol in my home?
NO WAY. Let us start with the fact that it is illegal. Let us move on to the possibility that one of them could drive or walk home after wards and have an accident or fall into trouble.
I don't want a child's death on my consistence, I do not want to be sued and lose my home or reputation - and I do not want to break the law.
So - NO!!!
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Another poster has a very apropos expression that most parents experience at one point or another. The "humility child". Usually that child, or that phase, pop up just as we are feeling smug about what awesome parents we are.
