Is everywhere in the US getting highly competitive for kids? (average, parents)

[JNAENJOY]

Hi Everyone,

I've been doing a lot of looking and haven't found any threads on this topic so I apologize if it's a duplicate. I'm looking for some feedback and insight as to the atmosphere at schools and within communities in the US. Specifically, I'm interested to find out if many others are experiencing the same dynamic that is prevalent where we live.

We live in Texas in an area that is growing rapidly and highly desirable with "exemplary" schools and championship sports teams etc. We have 4 children in a large range of ages from high school to elementary school. We have lived here many years and have watched the area become more and more competitive and high pressure in everything from sports to academics and just about everything in between. There is a prevailing attitude of competition and drive to be the best at everything and it has gotten really old.

My question is whether this seems to be the case in most other places around the US as well? We have been thinking that it was due to the rapid growth and prosperity in this particular area but as we've researched places to relocate, we seem to find some similar situations.

Are there still towns out there where sports are fun and kids can participate without spending thousands of dollars on clubs and private coaches? (We don't do that.) Are there family friendly areas with decent schools where the kids don't spend hours and hours doing homework every day but have time to enjoy life as well?

We are self employed and can live just about anywhere as long as it is has high speed internet and is within about 2 hours of an airport for travel once a month.

I would love some suggestions for places that may still have opportunities for kids to be active and get an education while still being kids and not feeling so much pressure to be the best at everything.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

[nightlysparrow]

Originally Posted by JNAENJOY

We live in Texas in an area that is growing rapidly and highly desirable with "exemplary" schools and championship sports teams etc....Are there family friendly areas with decent schools where the kids don't spend hours and hours doing homework every day but have time to enjoy life as well?

Sounds as if you're saying you wish to downgrade your children's schools from "exemplary" to "decent"? So will this wish apply to them getting into "decent" colleges? Because the competition for college, scholarships, etc. is not going to change. Fewer and fewer colleges mean admissions officers can pick and choose only the most accomplished.

Same for future employment. Why hire somebody from NoName College when another applicant has a degree from Stanford?

Are your children complaining, or are you despairing that things today aren't like they were when you were in school?

[JNAENJOY]

nightlysparrow,

I might have given the wrong impression. I am not wishing to sell my kids short in any way. My son is 3 years ahead in math and has 3 years of foreign language completed and he's only a sophomore. He will have almost enough credits to graduate by the end of his sophomore year because he's been taking high school classes since 6th grade. In hindsight, I don't think that was necessary at such a young age. In the area that we live, there is a lot of pressure on the kids to perform beyond what I feel is necessary for them at this point in their lives. My children spend all of their free time doing homework and I don't think that's necessary to be successful in life. I'm pretty sure they can still excel in college and be successful in their lives if they don't spend their entire childhood doing homework.

Another example, in 7th grade, my daughter was one of almost 100 girls trying out to play middle school basketball. Over 60+ girls were cut over the course of the 2 week try out time. It was very stressful for the kids. My daughter made the team, I'm not bitter because my child didn't get to play. It is just very large and intense in this area and I would like to know if that is the way it is in other areas as well? We have lived here since my kids were in preschool, so it's the only district we have experienced and I am interested to know what experiences other parents and kids have had, for comparison purposes. Kids in this area specialize at very young ages and there is a lot of parent pressure to do so.

I am not despairing because of anything about when I was I school, I'm not sure where that came from. I simply want my kids to have a good quality of life and not feel like they're stressed out all the time. I would like them to be able to enjoy learning and enjoy extracurricular activities without feeling like they're training for the Olympics. It's a little over the top in this area.

[MrRational]

Originally Posted by JNAENJOY

"exemplary" schools and championship sports teams etc...

...are almost always and almost entirely about the parents of these kids.
High achieving, well educated, involved with their kids, well paid ...and suburban.

Most have done well BECAUSE of their academic nature and those who may not have such
can clearly see the benefit of cultivating academic achievement and social involvements.
It's not rocket science.

My question is whether this seems to be the case in most other places around the US as well?

Everywhere that parents worry about what sort of life and lifestyle their kids can have.
Those who can't afford to move to the outer suburbs push for charter schools closer in
so that their kids can be surrounded by kids from similarly well motivated families...

Are there still towns out there where sports are fun and kids can participate without spending
thousands of dollars on clubs and private coaches? (We don't do that.) Are there family friendly areas
with decent schools where the kids don't spend hours and hours doing homework every day
but have time to enjoy life as well?

I think you'll need a time machine to find them.
A time when most Mom's were home all day and Dad had time to build tree houses.

I would love some suggestions for places that may still have opportunities for kids to be active
and get an education while still being kids and not feeling so much pressure to be the best at everything.

As soon as this sort of list is compiled the RE costs there start to rise.

In short order you get to the point that ONLY the really well off can afford to live there
but few of these folks will have the sort of time the prior parents in that enclave would spend.
The result being that was once great soon declines into it's own mediocrity.

[fadeddaisy26]

I will give you a basic summary of the local school system to me. Little background on the town-->Rural MI 6000 Residents. McD, Two Banks, Three Gas Stations, Bowling Alley. 7th- 12th grade students are considered High School and are in the same building. There are around 70-90 students per Graduating Class. Opportunities are limited to what last name you have [Parents "pull" in town], followed up by talent. Academies aren't stressed, most are just happy to graduate [which most do]. Houses-Rentals in the city limits are an average value between 40-85k. We are both living on different ends of the spectrum. Too Much vs. Too Little --drive and competition within the school system. Answering the Question. No, not everywhere.

[Mattie]

In our experience, towns/cities with well developed parks and recreation programs offer a lot of opportunity for sports at all levels of play. We've found it to be the case in three states now, NJ-FL-GA.

Academically, not really. Perhaps because we've made it a point to seek out high performing schools at each move, but it does seem there is less acceptance for being middle of the road students. The bigger the school, the less it is an issue though, here in GA our local high school is 2000+ students from 9-12. But, the flagship universities have far more applicants than spots, so those hoping to benefit from in-state tuition as well as the Ga HOPE scholarship have a great deal of pressure to stand out academically. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing either.

[Irish Eyes]

I live in NJ and I don't love what I see in sports. My son is in Kindergarten and so far expresses no interest in sports. I always played basketball and softball in grammar school so I assumed my son would too. But I'm kind of hoping now he doesn't want to play anything. Parents are insane and the way sports and players are idolized makes me sick to be honest.

[Coldjensens]

They are out there. Generally smaller schools.

You tend to find more of that hyper-competitiveness in newer/trendy areas (Southern California, Seattle, Portland, Austin, Denver etc.) However you will find it everywhere.

You might find private schools where they discourage that, but they are pricey. Our kids attended a private school for a time where they believed kids should learn to enjoy school, not hate it and they thought a good teacher can teach 1st - 5th graders what they need to learn in class without homework. Homework started in 6th grade and was optional for that year. It was all very relaxed. Kids had to spend half an hour each day working in the zen garden (pulling weeds, planting, etc). Kids from that school did incredibly well, but then the average class size was 8 students and it cost $12,600 per year per student.

We currently live on an island near Detroit that is a small community (10,000 people). the whole place is a little bit of a throwback of the 1960s or 1950s. Kind of Mayberryish. The schools are small (high school has less than 600 kids) but it does produce a lot of overachievers. Part of the issue is wealth. Kids get private lessons in things because their parents can afford private lessons. In our schools, it depends on what the kids do. The robotic team does well, and I do not thin anyone of them are getting private lessons (although many of them have engineers for parents). Soccer, football, - pretty much just learn it at school and practices. Sailing, Equestrian, Hockey, Crew, golf are expensive semi private club sports and many of the kids are on travel teams or at least doing summer club competitions (crew is the least expensive). Singing, Music, Gymnastics, figure skating, Dance - all of the top kids have private teachers. However if the child is not striving to be the top performer on the team, they do not need to go through all the machinations, they can just participate during the school part and that is it. It seems like, in most areas, if they want to do their sport or performance in college - yes, they have to be one of the best at it. If they want a shot at a scholarship, they have to out extreme all the other kids who are going to extremes to get the scholarship in that sport or skill area.

One of my sons wants to play trumpet. The better music programs take 1-4 freshman trumpet players each year out of 70-250 contenders for each position. So, yes, he has to have private instruction, play with professional bands or at church whenever he gets a chance, take all available band/music courses at the high school, take college music at a nearby college. All so he can land a job that will pay $70,000 a year if he is lucky. He is not likely to get a scholarship to one of those schools. He could also get a hefty scholarship to a state school that has a football team band and wants superb trumpet players for the marching band. But he is not likely to get the training, exposure or experience he needs to play trumpet professionally.

While hyper-competitiveness is common everywhere at the high school level, it is much less everywhere at the elementary and middle school level. Inmost of the schools we encountered in Claifornia, it was insane. Unhealthy. At our current location, no one much cares at that age.

[aridon]

As for kids wanting to be on the team, that is perfectly normal. There is a lot of prestige for a young person and wearing that letter is a big deal in their small, inexperienced lives. Hopefully it isn't the peak of their existence.

You have to realize for a lot of people High School was the peak of their lives. Especially in a heavy sports school with a tradition of winning championships, sports is a big deal to a lot of people that go there or people that graduated there. Some of them base their existence through it and some even try to live through their kids. They have a real dream of "making it pro" and are in the earliest steps of the process so things look better. Many people don't understand math, probability so it is no surprising that people that peaked in high school really don't get the concept that it is very unlikely to be an important factor in the end for their child. Not many kids grow up thinking they'll be a secretary all their lives or wait tables.

High school has always been a slightly bigger fish bowl than middle school but still a small fish bowl. Life doesn't really open up until college and after. If you peaked in high school and still live within 30 miles of where you were born and your kids are now playing for the same school as you that might be a new highlight for your life. This is serious business to some people.

[pkbab5]

Yes of course there are areas where schools aren't competitive. But the problem with those areas is that their schools aren't competitive. Your kids seem to have competitive advantages, and you seem to be proud of those competitive advantages. Just upset that they had to work REALLY REALLY HARD to get them. Well, that's what a competitive advantage is. It's something that takes a lot of REALLY REALLY HARD work.


There is no such thing as a school that takes *normal* kids, doesn't put any pressure on them or given them any homework, and then turns out exemplary kids with academic achievements and competitive advantages. There might be some private schools for the insanely gifted or insanely rich that come close, but for the most part what you are looking for is a pipe dream.


The fact of the matter is that there are a whole lot more people around trying to go to a good college and get a good job than there used to be. It has gotten more competitive. Kids have to work a lot harder and do a lot more when they are kids in order to get the same level of achievement as the kid of yesteryear. So if you give your kid the same childhood that you or I had, spending hours romping through the woods, then they likely will not be able to achieve as much as you or I have as adults. Just a painful fact of life in 2017, I'm afraid.