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Sure, there are some decent places. It would depend for me if this was going to be a routine. Say, a pattern some creep could follow and know when they're home alone. That makes a difference. Then I'd make sure to inform a neighbor that my kid is home alone everyday at this time so they could keep an eye and ear open. Molesters often stalk a child first to get a good time.
Every situation is different. But, like I said, one should just use common sense. It's not rocket science.
So you expect the neighbor to watch out for your child? I could see neighbor getting caught up in his/her own business and not even thinking about the kid till it was too late.
Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot
This reminds me of parents I know (my sister being one of them) who kept her kids in the back seat "because it's safer" until they were old enough for driver's licenses. Probably not a coincidence that her oldest is almost 21 and still not interested in driving--and they don't live where you can walk or catch a bus; they live in Podunk, Oklahoma. Sister drives him to college every day.
Anyway, off topic. There is no doubt that the single most dangerous thing parents do on a daily basis is put their kids in the car and drive somewhere. If the child is old enough to make a phone call and know not to unlock the door or turn on the stove, and if they are A-OK with the idea, then they are old enough to stay home for 20 minutes while Mom runs to the store. Yes, in the vast majority of cases it is safer than driving off with Mom. I do live in one of the top 5 safest cities in the country so that no doubt colors my way of thinking.
My oldest was not OK with staying alone until she was 11, so I didn't push her. The other two were fine at 8 or 9. They're all teens now and I will leave them all day if I need to. Haven't done overnight yet, but that would probably not be a problem.
Yes, cars are dangerous. I think we're all aware of that. I guess your point is we do it every day, sometimes multiple times a day.
I will say however, that these dire predictions that kids will not be able to take care of themselves because their parents didn't let them do whatever, in this case stay home alone before middle school, are foolish. FWIW, the 10 1/2 year old who ended up in the closet with her brother during a thunderstorm didn't have any interest in learning to drive either until well into her 20s. What's the reason there? Too much responsibility? Always the fault of the parents, isn't it? (Her brother was ready to go at 16. So why was that?)
But many kids don't know that, even if they've been told it a few thousand times. That conditioning to answer the phone is pretty strong. They're hungry, they want something to eat. You can start a fire in a microwave, too.
We moved from the city, out to a very rural area. Back in the city I rarely left my twelve year old alone for longer than fifteen minutes at the most. Usually it was the fifteen minutes between me leaving and my husband getting home from work. The neighborhood wasn't super safe, and I only felt comfortable with one set of neighbors but they were rarely home for our kids to go to in an emergency.
Now we live in a very safe area, where the kids are very comfortable with our retired elderly neighbors, and the neighbors down the street are friends of ours too. In case of an emergency the kids have multiple places they can turn to for help, as well as a phone they can call 911 with, and they are instructed to not open the door, use the stove etc.
They are now ten and thirteen. The ten year old doesn't like to stay home alone, but will with the thirteen year old with no complaints. They are both responsible trustworthy kids so I am ok with it where we currently live.
My younger brother and I were 8 and 10 when we walked or rode bikes to and from school and would get home about an hour before our mom got home.... Our parents waited until we both got out of school at 3PM and we were supposed to travel together.... yeah, right!!
I was babysitting around the neighborhood at around 12 or 13....
I think they were 8 and 9 the first time I left them alone in the house for 15-20 minutes without supervision. They did fine (when I got back I don't even think they had moved from their claimed hangout spots in the house).
I will say however, that these dire predictions that kids will not be able to take care of themselves because their parents didn't let them do whatever, in this case stay home alone before middle school, are foolish. FWIW, the 10 1/2 year old who ended up in the closet with her brother during a thunderstorm didn't have any interest in learning to drive either until well into her 20s. What's the reason there? Too much responsibility? Always the fault of the parents, isn't it? (Her brother was ready to go at 16. So why was that?)
Of course, not always the fault of the parents. People are all too ready to blame parents for everything that goes wrong with their kids, and the parents are all too ready to take the credit when things go well. It's not that simple.
But, I don't think you can deny that "helicopter parenting" is a real thing and has real consequences. Overprotective parents can't hold down an ambitious, motivated child forever. But if the child is naturally more timid, then nervous and coddling parents are the last thing they need. What they need is encouragement to build up their self-confidence and do age-appropriate things that they are not naturally inclined to do.
My daughter didn't want to learn to ride a bike when she was 5, but we made her do it anyway. She learned, and even enjoyed it. In regards to staying home alone, I wouldn't have let one of my kids get to say, 13, without doing that, even if they said they didn't want to. Look, you know how to call me in an emergency, you know not to open the door to strangers, you know not to play with matches. Watch TV or read a book, you will be fine. See you in an hour, bye.
I was walking to the school alone, staying home and running around with a home key on a shoelace around my neck since I was 6 year old girl. Was totally happy, and never thought it is something abnormal.
Right? I can't imagine these people who can't trust a 10 year old alone in their own house for 15 minutes. Don't kids walk to school any more or play outside by themselves at the neighborhood parks?
My children were born in the 1960s and 1970s. We did it all the time. Now, we are supposed to think a parent who does that is a criminal. Also, you can't leave your dog in the car either.
Am more than happy to leave my 6 year old home alone for twenty minutes or so now, building up towards August when she'll have at least two days a week when she'll be home alone for an hour or two (depending on how long it takes her to walk home from preschool) or possibly alone every morning for about an hour (depends on whether I'll be carrying on with my second job or not though I'm leaning towards no because I'd rather see her off in the mornings to be sure she leaves on time)
I've discussed this plan with her social worker who has no problem with it before anyone worries it might be neglectful or illegal - its not in Finland, where children are expected to be responsible and independent from a younger age than in many other countries.
I know you are not in the US, and it might be the norm there, but this is absolute insanity in my book, and by US standards. I think more parents in my neighborhood should let their kids walk home from school earlier, but not at age 6. What age does regular school start there? Age 6 is 1st grade here. That's after kindergarten. Preschool is age 3-4.
40 years ago, I walked home with a group of kids at age 5, but not to an empty house.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katarina Witt
So you expect the neighbor to watch out for your child? I could see neighbor getting caught up in his/her own business and not even thinking about the kid till it was too late.
Why on earth not? You aren't asking the neighbor to babysit from afar. You are letting them know there is a child alone, so that if they happen to notice something, they'll know. Maybe they look out and see a persistent sales person at the door. If they know a kid is home alone, they'll keep watching to make sure the person leaves. If they thought no one was home, they would just go about their day. Maybe you told the kid to go next door if they happen to need something. The neighbor should have a heads up.
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