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I just don't understand how anyone could regret having children. It is a choice and yes you end up giving something good for something great. It is nice to have the ability to take off and do as you please. When you have pets, big or small you still have more freedom than if you have children. While I think that it is great to take care of an animal that isn't the same commitment as a child. Watching a child progress through life is amazing. Watching them make decisions on their own is amazing. As parents we teach our children right from wrong, we give them a base to build from. Our kids ask for advice on whatever is ailing them. Eventually they move onto their own accomplishments and life.
I have a lot of friends that don't have kids and don't want them. That is a choice they make. Nothing wrong with a choice. They are happy doing what they do. My thought is that if they had children they would realize what they were missing. Their is a lot of joy in raising kids. We love it and though it may not be for everyone it is for us.
I would rather die than live a life where I had to raise children. I find nothing positive about it for me. 10 minutes and I’m done; this includes my friends kids, as well.
The arrogance of your statement that I’ve bolded is unbelievable. It’s as if you know better than they do about their lives. Quite a bit of judgment on your part. Why isn't it sufficient to accept them as they are?
Last edited by chielgirl; 03-16-2008 at 04:03 AM..
I will never regret my children. Truth be known I never actually wanted kids but I ended up with 2. They made my life have more meaning. I wish I Could do it over again as a matter of fact. I miss those hugs from them. LOL after about 12 years old hugs don't happen nearly as often.
I was just reading a news article on French psychiatrist and author Corinne Maier, who has written a best selling book called No Kids - 40 Reasons Not To Have Children.
In her book she states that she regrets having her 2 kids and encourages women not to have children.
I know this sounds pretty extreme, but I suspect that there are a lot more people who feel this way than one might think. For example I know that my Mother loves me more than anyone or anything else, but her life would have been much easier without me (nothing I did, outside forces). I know she doesn't 'regret' having me for a second, but I suspect that if she knew then what she knows now, she may have chosen to remain childless although she would never say so.
My husband and I are unsure about having kids. My husband leans slightly towards 'no', but says he may be open to kids in the future. I lean slightly towards 'yes', but not sure how much of that is biological clock and a selfish desire for the 'perfect family', and how much is genuine desire to have and raise a child.
I realize that almost everyone loves their children more than anything else.
However, if you could do it over, would you still have your kids?
Is parenthood what you thought it would be?
Did having children bond you and your spouse, or put a wedge between you both on a sexual and emotional level?
Do you feel disappointed by your children? Did they turn out how you hoped?
Have you made a choice not to have kids and feel that you will never change your mind?
Honesty appreciated! : )
I don't regret my son for one second! But you shouldn't base your decision on how others feel. I strongly feel if people don't want kids or if they are not sure if they want kids then DON'T have them. Kids aren't toys you can just give away at a later date if it doesn't work out. I suspect a lot of these bad parents roaming around may have had their doubts about having kids in the first place as well.
That may be the case for you, if so, it would be better to say that YOU didn’t reach full emotional development until YOU had and raised a kid. What about the thousands of parents who abuse their kids? Are they reaching full emotional development, too?
I never had the desire to breed; neither did 4 of my 5 siblings. No problems growing up, just want our own lives.
I live in the Pacific Rim at the moment, have lived in Asia, Europe and North America several times for each. If I had chosen to breed, I wouldn’t be fulfilled, my kids would be resented and neglected. I’m an introvert and need a lot of time to myself, totally in my control.
Good thing I got myself sterilized in my early 20s.
If you call raising children 'breeding', then it sounds like you made the right choice.
I was just reading a news article on French psychiatrist and author Corinne Maier, who has written a best selling book called No Kids - 40 Reasons Not To Have Children.
In her book she states that she regrets having her 2 kids and encourages women not to have children.
I know this sounds pretty extreme, but I suspect that there are a lot more people who feel this way than one might think. For example I know that my Mother loves me more than anyone or anything else, but her life would have been much easier without me (nothing I did, outside forces). I know she doesn't 'regret' having me for a second, but I suspect that if she knew then what she knows now, she may have chosen to remain childless although she would never say so.
My husband and I are unsure about having kids. My husband leans slightly towards 'no', but says he may be open to kids in the future. I lean slightly towards 'yes', but not sure how much of that is biological clock and a selfish desire for the 'perfect family', and how much is genuine desire to have and raise a child.
I realize that almost everyone loves their children more than anything else.
However, if you could do it over, would you still have your kids? I would do it ALL over again.WITHOUT hesitation and without a second thought. My son is the BEST thing I've ever done. He is the reason I wake up every morning. I wouldn't want to be living my life without him and can't imagine what it would be without him in it. I feel my life would be empty without him.
Is parenthood what you thought it would be? It's more than I could ever imagine. I never knew I could love someone so much. My goal is to be the best mother I can for him and it's awesome looking at your child and seeing all the possibility.. waiting to see who he will become and making sure that he has all the right tools (ie" knowledge , etc.) a long the way.
Did having children bond you and your spouse, or put a wedge between you both on a sexual and emotional level? This is a complex question. I do believe that having my son Has in some ways made us closer.. but in others has made us ..well different. The problem , for us, is not neccesarily our child..but more of a money pressure issue with a lot of stress.. husband works so much.. I don't feel "sexy" and we're both so tired that it has left a little lacking in the you know what department. It takes a lot more work after children for all that and right now we're just so drained between money woes , etc. However, neither of us would change any of it right now.. and soon we want to have another child so we'll have to really work at the part that's been missing.
Do you feel disappointed by your children? Did they turn out how you hoped? My son is only 2... so this is hard to answer.. however I can not imagine being dissappointed in him. He'll be who he is.. all I can do is teach him and instill in him the same moral compass I have and then some. It's important to remember that while they are your children, they are also their own individual with their own path in life. My biggest fear as a parent is keepign him away from drugs.. but I know that as long as he is loved and taught all that I know and then some,he will turn out just fine. I think if things go wrong I would be more dissappointed in myself as a parent than in him.
As long as he is happy..I'll be happy.
Have you made a choice not to have kids and feel that you will never change your mind?
Honesty appreciated! : )
I wish I would have known how wonderful it is to have a child..I would have done it sooner. And, I wnat to have atleast one more child. It's indescribable.. and I can't imagine going through life without a child and then someday grandchildren. To me it seems a very lonely and sad existence.. it's just my opinion. Sometiimes I feel really bad for older people with no children or grandchildren in their livs and can't help but feel that they missed out on something wonderful that life has to offer. Being pregnant and birthing a child and then watching them grow makes you realize that life is so much more than the dull hum drum stuff we worry about everday. If anything ever happend to my child and I was left on this earth without him.. I don't know how I would survive.. he truly is my heart and he makes me happier than I have ever been in my entire life. .. even when other things are not so good.. he is what pulls me through.
I certainly don't want them for anyone else - none of our parents bug us about it at all and we don't worry about conforming.
My main concern is that I worry my desire for a child is more hormone driven than anything else. Hormones are not a good reason to have kids, but they are strong! : )
Think we'll revisit the issue in a year, but still interested to hear people's responses to the question.
The author basically says that having kids destroys the parents relationship and stops the Mother fulfilling her full potential.
It is interesting I think - and I respect her bravery in admitting how she really feels. Also interesting that the book has become a best seller indicating that she is not alone in her feelings on this.
The last part of this..about fulfulling her potential.. it all depends on what you want out of life..
If you expect to be a high powered executive with lots of money and travel..etc.. then don't have kids..because they'll only be neglected whilst you go on making the money ..etc.
As for as not living up to "my potential" on the contrary..I think my son has brought out MORE potential in my in any job I've ever faced.. raising children is a huge responsibility.. commands attention, consistency.. all of it.. and its a full time job with no vacation or sick days.. that being said.. I'm a better person for being his mother, I feel. It makes you realize that all that other stuff..money and power.. is not important and not what life is really about..
I will never regret my children. Truth be known I never actually wanted kids but I ended up with 2. They made my life have more meaning. I wish I Could do it over again as a matter of fact. I miss those hugs from them. LOL after about 12 years old hugs don't happen nearly as often.
EVERY time I hug and kiss my two year old I think .. " I better savor this " .. knowing that someday a kiss or hug from mommy or daddy won't be as cool.. and so they won't be so forthcoming.. .. the day he won't hug me will break my heart!! LOL
I would rather die than live a life where I had to raise children. I find nothing positive about it for me. 10 minutes and I’m done; this includes my friends kids, as well.
The arrogance of your statement that I’ve bolded is unbelievable. It’s as if you know better than they do about their lives. Quite a bit of judgment on your part. Why isn't it sufficient to accept them as they are?
My sis was one of those I am never having children people like you. She got preg on accident had baby and cannot believe she waited so long. I don't find anything arrogant and unbelievable about what was said it is rather true in most cases.
Just in general, I do think it is quite arrogant to presume that what works in your life, will work for others. I think we should all make decisions on how to live our life, without trying to discredit the choices others make, all for our own reasons.
__________________
The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. ~Henry David Thoreau
The last part of this..about fulfulling her potential.. it all depends on what you want out of life..
If you expect to be a high powered executive with lots of money and travel..etc.. then don't have kids..because they'll only be neglected whilst you go on making the money ..etc.
As for as not living up to "my potential" on the contrary..I think my son has brought out MORE potential in my in any job I've ever faced.. raising children is a huge responsibility.. commands attention, consistency.. all of it.. and its a full time job with no vacation or sick days.. that being said.. I'm a better person for being his mother, I feel. It makes you realize that all that other stuff..money and power.. is not important and not what life is really about..
Well, I'm not a high powered executive and have no children and have had a happy, fulfilling life....I depended on myself for that...not someone else(a child).
So, you see, there ARE more than TWO options for women.
Biology is not destiny.
""If you expect to be a high powered executive with lots of money and travel..etc.. then don't have kids..because they'll only be neglected whilst you go on making the money ..etc."""
Same advice for men??????
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