Three Year Old Boy Locked Outside - Time Out (teenagers, single mom, parent)
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My first thought was: how do you know he's out there for a punishment?
Could it be that she wants him to play outside and use up some energy for ten minutes a day? Maybe he's crying and yelling to be let back in because he wants to play on his tablet or something. Three-year-olds yell about everything.
Can you see into their back windows or doors to see where the mother is during this? He could be in full view of her the whole time. Ten minutes in a secure backyard in normal summertime weather is not going to injure anyone and it's certainly not abuse unless there are other factors at play.
A bit of devil's advocate, but jumping to the most horrible assumptions doesn't help the situation. Find out the facts before you condemn and get the police or CPS involved. If it concerns you, knock on her door and express concern. Listen and watch her reaction.
He's three years old. At that age, unless there is someone else to play with,I can't imagine why a three year old child would want to wander around in the back yard.
The OP also mentioned that the little boy was crying along with her dog.
This doesn't feel right. I don't know anyone who "puts a toddler out in the yard" - for punishment or any reason. It strikes me as odd.
I think when my children were both around 5 and 6 that I let them play outside, however, I usually sat on the deck to watch.
Any they were playing TOGETHER - not alone.
If it isn't for punishment, it may be for banishment. Maybe he annoys her and she wants some "peace and quiet".
What are the other factors you can observe, i.e, does he appear well fed and groomed or physically neglected (dirty, stained clothes, grubby nails, too thin?)
Have you seen the Mother interact with him and the other children? Does her interaction seem within the boundaries of "normal"? Does she shout or curse at them?
Why not go over and SPEAK to the little fellow next time he is outdoors? That'd be my first move. See what he says. He may be a hellion and needs the timeout or he may be a "scapegoated"child who is being unfairly treated. You need to collect more data.
Please don't confront the Mother. It will antagonize her if she IS abusive and may result in her taking it out on him.
Please don't ignore the situation either. Try to gather more data.
I agree about not talking to the mother. It could make things worse for the child.
This is the first rational post on this thread. Something very wrong is going on.
I thought the same thing!!! Going through some of these posts made me ill, or to think that some people may not have a heart, or children for that matter.
It's not OK. 3 is too young to be outside without supervision. And it's cruel. I'd call child services ASAP. It sounds like neglect to me, and dangerous.
Why not go over and SPEAK to the little fellow next time he is outdoors? That'd be my first move. See what he says. He may be a hellion and needs the timeout or he may be a "scapegoated"child who is being unfairly treated. You need to collect more data.
This might work if the OP is on good terms with the mother. But if not, then the mother might think that the OP is up to no good and is intending to harm her son.
I think that talking with the mother is the best bet. But not in a confrontational way, but rather in a "I heard your son crying and wanted to make sure everything was OK" kind of way.
I haven't read all of the other responses yet but unless it is for hours on end, daily, I would say it is likely ok if it is just an occassional 5 minutes. Definitely speak with her about it if you are concerned though to ease your mind and conscience.
Before I had children, I honestly had no fathomable idea how difficult it could be some days. As a SAHM, sometimes you really do just have to let your toddler/preschooler have their tantrum and let them get all of their frustration out.
About a year ago, the police actually turned up at our house due to two of my children's tantrums. It was mortifying! My oldest two were 2 and 3 at the time and my youngest was 1. When one of my children starts throwing a tantrum, it often sets off the other two unfortunately.
At our house, we have a covered patio area at the back which has a door into the house and an outside door into the garage. DH had been working in the garage (he often keeps the patio door open for ventilation when doing so) but had locked it up when he went to the auto parts store. My 2 and 3 year old were convinced he was still in there, and that I was being an awfully cruel person by not unlocking the garage door for them to be able to see Daddy. Redirecting them didn't work and their tantrums spiralled into them both banging on the garage access door and screaming and wailing.
I gave up and took my 1 year old inside to try to relax her down for a nap...
I wasn't inside 5 minutes when the police showed up to do a welfare check. The children had been yelling for perhaps a total of 10 minutes at that stage (and they could get back in the house, I had our sliding door open).
Thankfully they quickly saw that it was fine, and they were just having a (very long) moment... but holy moly I was embarrassed!
I am not sure if it was called in or they heard it while patrolling the street- either way though, please talk with the Mother first if it continues to concern you! Good luck to you (and her!).
P.S. I just read the other responses and thought of a few things...
When this occurs, had the Mother and other children been outside previously with the 3 year old? Or does she seem to be 'placing' the crying 3 year old outside?
I've never personally put my kids into time out outside without me present, but my children have thrown tantrums about not wanting to come inside (after we've all been outside) for lunch/dinner/bath/quiet time etc.
If one or two kids are cooperating, I'll get them into the house first, and then come back outside for the uncooperative child and have a little 1 on 1 talk before taking them inside.
Also, are these incidents only in daytime? If they're after dark at odd hours, that would be worrisome.
It sounds to me like that mother is at the end of her rope. She's most likely got postpartum depression. Putting him outside is maybe giving her 10 minutes for him AND the mom to cool off.
Some days I had a hard enough time when my two boys were young, 3 years apart.
Taking care of five young kids all day, every day, with the youngest being 3 month old twins would have sent me around the bend. I sure hope she has a supportive husband who helps out with supper and bedtime when he comes home at night.
I think I'd ignore it unless you feel there might be neglect or abuse going on over there. Have a look at this child and the other children to see if you see any signs such as too many bruises or cuts out of the ordinary. That is when I'd call authorities and have them check the situation out.
Hopefully, she's doing ok and hopefully the kids are doing ok and she just needs a small break and I don't mean in a condom
This doesn't feel right to me. Unless there are other circumstances involved it's hard to imagine banishing a 3 year old to the backyard by himself.
Cringe worthy comes to mind.
Unsure if any 'reason' can be justified when it's a toddler. And yes I had two sons.. I loved the terrible twos stage..I listened intently..And most times found them trying to be empowered and not dismissed . Some days I had to dismiss myself though! But my hubby was a great tag team partner ...We didn't remove our kids to the yard .
And yes I had a CPS show up once. It was MY wake up call.. my neighbor had every right to care about the welfare of my kids...
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