Wife wants to buy plane ticket for her parents (legally, newborn, support)
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We have a 3 year old and will have another baby in 8 months. We are fortunate that my wife doesn't have to work but I travel for work Mon thru Thurs for about 3 weeks a month. My mother will probably be available to help my wife for about a month after she delivers our newborn. However, my wife wants to fly her parents all the way from Korea to spend a couple of weeks with us and see the new baby as well.
Her parents are by no means hurting for money. My wife wants to do this just as a token of appreciation. In my mind, it should be almost expected for her parents to fly here on their own to see the baby, especially since they can afford to do so. They certainly did for our first child. I support my mother financially as well every month and she just lives by herself. My wife puts this against me but she knew going into the marriage that this was the case.
Long story short, my wife and I had a huge argument over this and she keeps saying I don't understand due to cultural differences. I am Korean as well but raised in the U.S. I call complete B.S. On her claim of cultural differences. She even stated that some of her Korean friends did this. I told her what we decide to do is our own business. Two plane tickets will cost us almost $3000. My wife ended the argument stating that she will just have to hire a nanny then, which is another BS because it's not like her parents were going to stay here long anyways.
The thing that really frustrates me is that in the past, her 22 year old brother from Korea lived with us for a year and her parents did not send a penny for food, utilities, etc.
Thoughts and opinions?
Last edited by purekoryo; 10-12-2017 at 12:10 AM..
She misses her parents and wants them to share a very precious time in her life. Can there be a compromise such has split the cost of the tickets? It's very understandable for her to want her mom.
Your wife's glass is full, so she is not able to accept your perspective. I totally understand your frustration. If I was you, I simply do my part, meaning taking care of the family to the best of my ability. If the plane ticket doesn't cause you arm and leg, just pay for it because that will avoid the argument between you and your wife. Regardless if you care about the relationship with your wife or not, look at it this way, you are simply living this life to repay your debt in the past life (that's just my opinion).
Is it really worth it to argue? In my opinion, no, because life is too damn short, the next moment you know life might be over already. What we have in possession doesn't belong to any of us, we are just living in this society and borrow all resources that can gather. At the end of the life, nothing belongs to you. The money in your bank doesn't follow you to your grave. The nice house no longer matter because your flesh and blood is no longer exist.
I know I went off the topic, and my point to you is enjoy a peaceful life as much as you can. Give everything you have until you have nothing to give but your life, and don't complaint about others simply BS, which I can totally get, but just deal with it.
A drop of black ink in a cup of water would ruin the cup of water, but a drop of ink in a ocean has no effect. Be the ocean and don't be the cup of water.
Compromise. She misses her parents and wants them at a very important time. I'd say have some compassion and try to figure out how to help your wife. I don't blame her for bringing up the fact you are financially supporting your mother but won't help with bringing her parents,what it says is you care about your filial responsibilities (which is wonderful) but you don't care about your wife's ( and it doesn't matter if you think they can afford it or not).
As for her brother living with you for a year why were his parents supposed to pay anything? He is 22 adult and could contribute himself as a guest in your home.
Family is everything. Your mother is not her mother. Since you have a one income family, you need to respect her and allow her to choose how to spend some of that income. Let her do this before her parents get too old and can't make the trip. Let your children meet these grandparents.
They say you can tell where your heart is by looking at your checkbook. Do it, you'll bring joy to everyone.
Wow that was deep. If you don't mind, I would like to PM you for life's advice when it gets tough. Your words are very encouraging.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nybklyn
Your wife's glass is full, so she is not able to accept your perspective. I totally understand your frustration. If I was you, I simply do my part, meaning taking care of the family to the best of my ability. If the plane ticket doesn't cause you arm and leg, just pay for it because that will avoid the argument between you and your wife. Regardless if you care about the relationship with your wife or not, look at it this way, you are simply living this life to repay your debt in the past life (that's just my opinion).
Is it really worth it to argue? In my opinion, no, because life is too damn short, the next moment you know life might be over already. What we have in possession doesn't belong to any of us, we are just living in this society and borrow all resources that can gather. At the end of the life, nothing belongs to you. The money in your bank doesn't follow you to your grave. The nice house no longer matter because your flesh and blood is no longer exist.
I know I went off the topic, and my point to you is enjoy a peaceful life as much as you can. Give everything you have until you have nothing to give but your life, and don't complaint about others simply BS, which I can totally get, but just deal with it.
A drop of black ink in a cup of water would ruin the cup of water, but a drop of ink in a ocean has no effect. Be the ocean and don't be the cup of water.
I appreciate the response everyone. I think one of the reason why it is difficult is because I was raised extremely poor. My mother and I came to the U.S (when I was 7) with just a bag of clothes because it took her entire savings to get the green cards and come here legally. I worked since I was very young to not only support myself but also my mother and step father at the time. I worked three jobs to get my engineering degree and help my parents at the same time. Years ago I went through deep depression because no matter how hard I worked, I couldn't move forward. Now at age 36 I finally have a very good income, nice house, and about to get a masters in engineering. But again, I am supporting my mother (paying her mortgage and have been years before I married my wife).
Now my wife's family are sort of the opposite. My mother in law has been working for the government for a very long time and the father in law is about to retire working as a small town district bank manager. My wife and her brother has literally been given everything and didn't have to work hard to earn anything. When her brother lived with us, he didn't even attempt to look for a job within 3 months. It took a huge argument for him to finally get a job and start paying for his own stuff. Again, my wife states it's a cultural thing but in reality it was how she was raised.
Still a very small part of me wants to pay half the tickets, but when they arrive here, I'm not sure if my attitude will be sound...especially when my in laws have more than enough funds to pay for their own tickets.
Last edited by purekoryo; 10-12-2017 at 07:41 AM..
Culture? How you were raised? What is the difference really?
They are both reasons for why someone’s family does things differently than another. But you and your wife are a new family and need to define what your culture is and how you are going to raise your children.
As for the specific situation. You wife wants her parents to see their grandchildren. If that takes $3k so be it. Your mom is being supported by you (so that is part of how you were raised)and your wife supports that right? And that financial support from your nuclear family allows your children to know their grandmother. This one time financial support of your wife’s parents will help them know their other grandparents.
As for the issue with “how you were raised” I really think you need to get a handle on that. You clearly have some resentment towards your wife and her family that could poison your lives. I suggest you and your wife talk to a professional so that these little resentments don’t take over.
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