17-year-old's girlfriend is pregnant. Help! (childcare, maternity, clothes, immature)
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Thanks everyone for the honesty and opinions. I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this right now. I guess part of it is me. I mean, I know I can ultimately deal with this. Of course I'm frightened for how my son's future may turn out (and that of the child he chose to create) and I know this happens every day in every culture, but a lot of it feels like an insult to me and I'm having a hard time getting past that. I came from nothing, earned multiple degrees and have a respected professional job. Normally I don't really care what other people think, I just try to do what is right. I know people will talk now as they did when I adopted him from nothing--my extended family, some friends, some in the community. I busted my butt to give him and the other one I adopted a good life and opportunities they wouldn't have had in their previous situations. I worked hard to make sure he would not end up just another stereotypical taxpayer expense. I feel like he disregarded everything from the last 10 years, like it's a slap in the face. I know I need to find a way past all that.
The hurt might not ever go away. But it most likely it will diminish a whole lot. One thing that helps is keeping in mind that however it happened and for whatever reason it happened, he made the mistake (if that's what it turns out to be); you didn't. Let yourself off the hook. Continue to be a part of his life because he needs you now more than ever. And guess what? You're a grandparent! How you like them apples?
OP I totally understand your feelings. I would feel the same way. You spend years and years trying to teach them, be open with them and honest...then they go and do something incredibly stupid anyway.
That being said, as others have said, its not the end of the world. I was a young (not teen) single mother and my son is now a teenager. He has been such a blessing in my life and the lives of others. He's a real bright spot in my life. So, try to work through your emotions and remember at the end of it all, there will be a baby to love and cherish.
I've taught my sons to use a condom every.single.time. NO MATTER what the girl says they should use a condom. I just hope and pray they listen.
Keep praying!
Who would have guessed that after decades of telling kids that sex is casual recreation that kids treat sex as though it were casual recreation?
Despicable. Whatever happened to actually valuing sexuality? Not passing it out to whatever random person asks, like candy? Oh oh, but it's "responsible" because you put on a condom. Got it. Good work mom!
The responsible thing would be to teach your sons the value of his own sexuality and of women's. That sex has an awesome purpose. It is to be valued, respected, and used with dignity and with someone else with that same level of understanding (yes, marriage, cue the outrage!).
The responsible thing would be to teach your sons the value of his own sexuality and of women's. That sex has an awesome purpose. It is to be valued, respected, and used with dignity and with someone else with that same level of understanding (yes, marriage, cue the outrage!).
Your comments don't outrage me, but they aren't much help for the OP now, and your sanctimony DEFINITELY isn't helpful.
Who would have guessed that after decades of telling kids that sex is casual recreation that kids treat sex as though it were casual recreation?
Despicable. Whatever happened to actually valuing sexuality? Not passing it out to whatever random person asks, like candy? Oh oh, but it's "responsible" because you put on a condom. Got it. Good work mom!
The responsible thing would be to teach your sons the value of his own sexuality and of women's. That sex has an awesome purpose. It is to be valued, respected, and used with dignity and with someone else with that same level of understanding (yes, marriage, cue the outrage!).
Using a condom does NOT equal casual sex.
I believe that sex is special and sacred. I do NOT believe it should be reserved for marriage though. I think that is horrifically bad mistake to wait until you are married to find out your spouse's sexual peccadilloes.
Well OP, the good thing is your son is graduating H.S. and already had a job lined up! Encourage him to take nightly or online college courses even if it’s just one class a semester! Or even enroll in a trade school program such as for pipe fitters, roofers, etc. He will need that education to further his career options for his family. Even if the relationship doesn’t work out, he’ll still have a baby to support! that
It will be a difficult situation but now is the time to teach him to take responsibility for his actions. I truly believe a baby is always a blessing, he should be involved in this child's life and financially support him/her but that doesn't require him to marry her.
It sounds like she has supportive parents, do all you can to work with them cooperatively because when this baby arrives you will want to be involved in it's life.
My 17-year-old son has gotten his 18-year-old girlfriend pregnant. I am just beside myself with sadness and grief and anger and still stunned. I adopted this boy as a single parent from a bad situation when he was 7 and I've worked so hard to show him the right way. He's a senior in high school and just now started working a "real" job. She does work full time, lives at home, and can't drive. Neither is emotionally ready to be a parent. He was in the process of applying to colleges and is gifted musically and really had a lot of potential. He had access to protection and was fully aware of the dangers of not using it so it is dumbfounding to me how he let this happen. I'm mad at him and the girl and her parents. He would go over to her house and spend several hours in the evenings on the weekends and I don't understand what kind of parents would let an unemployed, irresponsible teenager have sex with their daughter without her being on birth control. And they are seemingly fine with the situation, looking forward to being grandparents. He is clueless as to what awaits him. I heard him talking about it with a friend and he said something like "Yeah, I'm going to have to save my money because I'll have to buy juice and stuff." I'm sad that he will have to learn a lot of hard lessons now when he should have been young and free, that he'll never know what he could have done with his music (he has lots of ambition in that regard), and that a human is coming into the world with these two as parents. I feel like a complete failure, more than I ever have, and I don't know what to do or say. Guess I'm looking for guidance and advice from someone who has been in a similar situation.
I hope Adoption is an option.
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