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I'm not blase about it at all. I was a young single mother without any marketable skills. I'm still happy I did not abort or farm out my son to someone else. His existence is a blessing to me.
The use of the expression "farm out" is a very unfortunate choice on your part. Adoption is a good option for both mother and child in many instances.
I have 2 girls, hearing stories like that scare the crap out of me and my wife. It's usually worse for the girl than the guy, a lot of guys just give up after a while trying to take care of the family due to his young age, so sad for you and your daughter. I don't see a very happy ending here, statistically speaking.
How many weeks, have they consider abortion?
As a mother of sons, I sincerely hope I am raising them NOT to be this way if, God forbid the unthinkable happens. If all else failed, I would step up in my son's absence if the girl and her family would allow it.
The use of the expression "farm out" is a very unfortunate choice on your part. Adoption is a good option for both mother and child in many instances.
I don't think my phrasing was unfortunate.
I think adoption is a good thing for kids who are being raised in neglectful, abusive homes. I do not think adoption should be an automatic go-to for girls who find themselves pregnant. Too many times we jump to it instead of showing our support for the girl and her unborn child. We shame her, try to hide her "mistake" etc instead of saying, "I'm here for you. I will be here for you. Whatever your needs may be, we will build a support network for you and your baby so you won't feel alone."
I think adoption is a good thing for kids who are being raised in neglectful, abusive homes. I do not think adoption should be an automatic go-to for girls who find themselves pregnant. Too many times we jump to it instead of showing our support for the girl and her unborn child. We shame her, try to hide her "mistake" etc instead of saying, "I'm here for you. I will be here for you. Whatever your needs may be, we will build a support network for you and your baby so you won't feel alone."
Adoption and shaming need not be related. This is not the 1950's. Sometimes it's simply accepting the reality that a 30-something couple who can't conceive, but are in a stable relationship and a stable financial situation would almost certainly provide a better life for a baby than 2 teens who may or may not stay together, and may or may not, now, ever go to college.
All options are valid and they are for the couple in question to make, not a bunch of strangers on the internet.
You can choose to guide your son any way you desire.
My thoughts if one of my sons were in a similar situation:
I am against ending a life. Abortion is not something that we have ever taught our kids. Not something that we would offer as a choice.
Preference that I would offer is adoption to a family that can raise the child and offer the baby a life that a teen more than likely would not be able to offer the child. Then again this is a decision that the soon to be mother holds more sway with.
Marriage. is my second choice. Plenty of people have done this and it works out well in the end if both are committed to each other. Goals can still be met. Plenty of schools allow for a married couple to attend the same school. Many of my friends went to BYU and they all seem to get married at an early age.
Having the grandparents raise the child while the teens work on getting an education. Plenty of families have chosen this path. If it works for them then great. It also gives the young couple a way to complete goals and possibly choose to be together for life.
Last choice and far from being preferred is to split the two young lovers up. I have seen this time and again. The little princess ends up raising the child and the guy seldom is a part of the child's life. Both end up in the end hating each other. The child may end up hating one or both parents. More than likely resenting the dad for never being a part of the child's life.
These are just choices I would offer my own kids if they needed guidance. Realize that having a child at a young age, although life changing, does not end your life. It is time for the teens to become adults. They want to play adult games then they need to realize that with adult choices come adult responsibility.
Take what ever I wrote with a grain of salt. This is only how my wife and I would do things, your mileage might very.
I think adoption is a good thing for kids who are being raised in neglectful, abusive homes. I do not think adoption should be an automatic go-to for girls who find themselves pregnant. Too many times we jump to it instead of showing our support for the girl and her unborn child. We shame her, try to hide her "mistake" etc instead of saying, "I'm here for you. I will be here for you. Whatever your needs may be, we will build a support network for you and your baby so you won't feel alone."
I disagree. "Farming out" sounds negative, like you're trying to get rid of the kid.
I think adoption is a good option for moms who do not want to raise a child and do not want to get an abortion. I don't see any shaming in it at all.
Adoption and shaming need not be related. This is not the 1950's. Sometimes it's simply accepting the reality that a 30-something couple who can't conceive, but are in a stable relationship and a stable financial situation would almost certainly provide a better life for a baby than 2 teens who may or may not stay together, and may or may not, now, ever go to college.
All options are valid and they are for the couple in question to make, not a bunch of strangers on the internet.
Perhaps if adoption wasn't a go-to so early in the pregnancy, teens wouldn't feel pressured to consider it. As I said earlier, if the teen's family and extended network would commit to being a support system I suspect so many teens wouldn't choose adoption out of a fear of not being good enough.
I disagree. "Farming out" sounds negative, like you're trying to get rid of the kid.
I think adoption is a good option for moms who do not want to raise a child and do not want to get an abortion. I don't see any shaming in it at all.
Is there really a difference between "getting rid of" and "not wanting to raise a child"? I think not. As part of a discussion, I sincerely hope parents and other family members would step up and support their loved one. Whether the loved one is 16 or 36. Family and community are so important for raising children.
I am totally against pressuring young women to give up their children for adoption. It should be the woman's decision and she should not be pressured into it. If she can get any support to keep her child, she should be able to do that. She won't always be young and poor.
Sister had 2 kids out of wedlock essentially, and has been riding the poverty train for almost a decade with no end in sight. I imagine this is the story for a great majority of people in this situation. People blowing sunshine and rainbows up OPs butt, saying it isn't the end of the world just seem clueless to me. Aside from the abject poverty these two will face (unless they live with their parents the next 18 years), will they be able to provide a stimulating, nurturing environment for this kid, or will he/she end up another statistic. Adoption should really be the only choice here.
Perhaps if adoption wasn't a go-to so early in the pregnancy, teens wouldn't feel pressured to consider it. As I said earlier, if the teen's family and extended network would commit to being a support system I suspect so many teens wouldn't choose adoption out of a fear of not being good enough.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25
Is there really a difference between "getting rid of" and "not wanting to raise a child"? I think not. As part of a discussion, I sincerely hope parents and other family members would step up and support their loved one. Whether the loved one is 16 or 36. Family and community are so important for raising children.
Very few teens choose adoption.
"The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that in 2006, 27 percent of pregnancies among girls aged 15 to 19 ended in abortion. . . Research shows that only 1 to 2 percent of women place their children for adoption, and that the number of teens who place their babies for adoption has declined sharply over recent decades. . . Over half of teen pregnancies end with the woman choosing to deliver and rear the child." https://www.livestrong.com/article/1...regnant-teens/
Abortion is also a way not to raise a child you have conceived. Please note I'm not opposed to abortion.
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