My kids are looking for a father figure (babysitters, divorce, baby)
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I had a divorce a year ago. I have 3 kids in my care. One is 6 years old, second is 5, and the last is still 2. To be honest, it’s tiring at times but I’m working hard for them. I don’t want them to live with nothing in their tummies and pockets. I guess with my work, I can sustain their needs and wants. I want what’s best for my kids.
Just recently, my two kids are looking for a father figure. I was astounded yet felt irresponsible by not giving them the chance to live without a father caring and loving them. But am I not enough? I’m doing my best for them and it should be enough. But still, that thought won’t come out from my head.
So I tried dating. I called some of my friends on whom to date. They gave me some site names but I think I’d be so desperate if I do so. So I ended up going to online dating. There I saw an ad for international dating social event. So I posted some of my pictures, trying it not be showy and agreed to attend the event.
Do you think I’ve made the right decision? Is this move a smart one? Please tell me so. I appreciate your responses!
Is their father not in their lives at all? He's the one who needs to step up.
Exactly contact their father, if possible else don't start a relationship just for the kid's sake or else you will suffer more because of it.
If possible do a family outing and besides time will help in these matter mostly. Don't blame yourself and concentrate hard on raising them as well behaved people
Is their father not in their lives at all? He's the one who needs to step up.
Unless you are looking for a relationship, dating for the sole benefit of giving your kids a new father figure seems doomed to failure.
I agree. Unless your ex-husband is dead. It is his job to be the "father figure". If for some reason that is difficult, like he is in prison for life or moved to Antarctica then look to your, or his relatives. Their uncles or grandfathers can be a wonderful, stable, role model. Even older neighbors could be a positive influence as surrogate grandparents. When they are older there are also organizations such as Big Brothers/Big Sisters that can provide some support.
I am a retired elementary school teacher (mostly at the early childhood and kindergarten level) what I would NOT recommend is letting your children become attached to a revolving door of temporary "father figures" coming in an out of their lives every few months. Man oh man, you can not imagine both the short and long term damage that does to many children. I believe very strongly that a parent, especially of very young children, should not even introduce their children to a new love unless they have been dating at least six months and are becoming serious and considering marriage.
Frankly, with working and caring for three young children I can't image that you would even have the extra time or extra energy for dating, let alone the extra money to pay for babysitters when you go out on dates.
For now focus on your immediate family. IMHO, in your free time take your children to the park for a picnic or to the zoo or a museum or for weekly trips to the library but don't use that time to look for a new father figure for your children as they already have a father.
Their father should be in their lives, but you can't force him to do that. Or for all I know, maybe he isn't suitable.
Seriously, you simply can not just go out to a bar and pick up a daddy to bring home to them. Your kids are going to have to deal with it. While I don't think it is ideal, many children grow up without a father and they survive.
However, totally different issue, go ahead and do some dating. You should occassionally have a bit of adult time for yourself or you risk going nuts.
I don't think is the right thing to do to seek for a partner because your children are seeking for a father figure. First, the relationship you get into might not be what you wanted. Second, you don't know if the relationship would be any better than the previous one. What happen when things go south? What happen when you and this new guy yell at each other? You have to prepare for the worst outcome when you get a new partner. Sometime your good intention might go side way, and there is no guarantee any good would come out of it.
I think what you need to do is talk to your children, and explain to them with patience as to what happen in your life. What brought you and your ex-husband together? What cause you two to break? However, you have to be mindful that what you are telling your kids now might be imprinted on their head for the rest of their life.
I had a divorce a year ago. I have 3 kids in my care. One is 6 years old, second is 5, and the last is still 2. To be honest, it’s tiring at times but I’m working hard for them. I don’t want them to live with nothing in their tummies and pockets. I guess with my work, I can sustain their needs and wants. I want what’s best for my kids.
Just recently, my two kids are looking for a father figure. I was astounded yet felt irresponsible by not giving them the chance to live without a father caring and loving them. But am I not enough? I’m doing my best for them and it should be enough. But still, that thought won’t come out from my head.
So I tried dating. I called some of my friends on whom to date. They gave me some site names but I think I’d be so desperate if I do so. So I ended up going to online dating. There I saw an ad for international dating social event. So I posted some of my pictures, trying it not be showy and agreed to attend the event.
Do you think I’ve made the right decision? Is this move a smart one? Please tell me so. I appreciate your responses!
NO!!!!!! This is a terrible idea. The biggest danger to a young child is his mother's new man. Sure, sometimes it works out great. But sometimes the new man beats the child to injury or death. Sometimes he sexually molests the children. If you can possibly live without a man, live without one. Look carefully to family members, like grandfathers, to step in to be male role models. Be wary of any man, even relatives, unless you know exactly how they behave around kids. If your own father didn't beat or molest his kids, then he's safe. If your older brother or uncle or cousin had the opportunity, but didn't abuse you or your siblings he's probably safe. Any male who you don't have a proven track record of having had the opportunity to abuse or molest children, but did not do so, do NOT let be alone with your kids. And definitely do NOT bring into your household any man if at all possible, and then only after you've known him for many years and are absolutely sure he won't harm the children.
NO!!!!!! This is a terrible idea. The biggest danger to a young child is his mother's new man. Sure, sometimes it works out great. But sometimes the new man beats the child to injury or death. Sometimes he sexually molests the children. If you can possibly live without a man, live without one. Look carefully to family members, like grandfathers, to step in to be male role models. Be wary of any man, even relatives, unless you know exactly how they behave around kids. If your own father didn't beat or molest his kids, then he's safe. If your older brother or uncle or cousin had the opportunity, but didn't abuse you or your siblings he's probably safe. Any male who you don't have a proven track record of having had the opportunity to abuse or molest children, but did not do so, do NOT let be alone with your kids. And definitely do NOT bring into your household any man if at all possible, and then only after you've known him for many years and are absolutely sure he won't harm the children.
They all tend to have a odd way of explaining relationships, I have noticed.
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