Do you think it's ok to ask my mother not to call me pet names anymore? (teenage, divorced) - Parenting -Children, problems, school, daycare, behavior, age, teenagers, infants - City-Data Forum

xxblue100 · 06-12-2018, 11:17 AM

I am now 21 years old and in college, and sometimes my mother calls me by my first name or a mature nickname, but most other times she calls me "boyzee" (sounds exactly how it's spelled). I appreciate the sentiment, but I really don't like being called that as it makes me feel like a little kid. Even my dad laughs when she calls me that. It's one thing to call me "honey" or "sweetie," because those are more mature pet names, but "boyzee" really doesn't sound good for someone my age. I haven't asked her to stop saying "boyzee" because I know she likes it and I'm afraid she will be devastated if she can't call me that anymore. Parents, do you think you would be upset if you called your adult child a nickname like this and they asked you not to? I certainly don't want to hurt her feelings but I want to feel like an adult, and she does treat me like an adult besides that name.

chicagoliz · 06-12-2018, 11:39 AM

Does she call you this in front of other people or only in private? Certainly it's okay to ask her not to call you that in front of others.

If one of my kids asked me not to refer to them by one of the nicknames I'd oblige. I wouldn't be bad or upset. I might mess up occasionally.

CarnivalGal · 06-12-2018, 12:00 PM

My dad used to have a name like that he used to call me. I went through a phase during my teenage years where I hated it. As I matured, I realized that it wasn't something to be embarrassed by, but rather was something to treasure. It made me special. He may have called other people "honey" or "sweetie" but this was all mine. It sort of signified our relationship as being at a different level than any other. It meant we had a closeness that was unique to us.

Depending on what your relationship is like with your mom, I think you may feel differently about it as you get older.

And I'm going to sound like a real old fuddy-duddy now (I'm 46), but I lost my dad suddenly 6 years ago. And I look back on that nickname, and how I got it fondly. I'd give anything to hear him call me that again.

oregonwoodsmoke · 06-12-2018, 12:00 PM

Sure ask her. Or explain to your friends about her affection for the city of Boise.

As far as nicknames go, that isn't a bad one. My kid was Be-bah. I can see how that would be irritating as a kid got older.

calgirlinnc · 06-12-2018, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxblue100

I am now 21 years old and in college, and sometimes my mother calls me by my first name or a mature nickname, but most other times she calls me "boyzee" (sounds exactly how it's spelled). I appreciate the sentiment, but I really don't like being called that as it makes me feel like a little kid. Even my dad laughs when she calls me that. It's one thing to call me "honey" or "sweetie," because those are more mature pet names, but "boyzee" really doesn't sound good for someone my age. I haven't asked her to stop saying "boyzee" because I know she likes it and I'm afraid she will be devastated if she can't call me that anymore. Parents, do you think you would be upset if you called your adult child a nickname like this and they asked you not to? I certainly don't want to hurt her feelings but I want to feel like an adult, and she does treat me like an adult besides that name.

I suspect that this more about you trying to leave your childhood behind, separate more from your parents (especially your mom) and become a full fledged adult.

At 21 you are literally just starting out in your adult life, and often there is a certain pressure to start being "grown up".

If you really want to act like an adult, then recognize that it's not easy for your mother to see her little boy grow up, and realize that "boyzee" is a term of affection for the little boy she still holds close to her heart. It doesn't mean that she doesn't see that you are growing up and maturing. It just means that you will always be her son. And that is OK.

gentlearts · 06-12-2018, 12:23 PM

I call my son Matthew, MattU, and so does his Dad. It’s just a habit from when he was little. I would stop it, if he asked me to.

I bet your mother would do as you asked, if she knew it bothered you.

HighFlyingBird · 06-12-2018, 03:03 PM

Besides an occasional private moment, she should stick with more grown up names. I dropped the baby nick names when my kids were tweens...except for in absolute private when we were having a moment.

BirdieBelle · 06-12-2018, 03:18 PM

You can ask her, but there's no guarantee she will stop. Much of it is habit.

I would try very hard to let this go, if you can.

xxblue100 · 06-12-2018, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chicagoliz

Does she call you this in front of other people or only in private? Certainly it's okay to ask her not to call you that in front of others.

If one of my kids asked me not to refer to them by one of the nicknames I'd oblige. I wouldn't be bad or upset. I might mess up occasionally.

She calls me that in front of my dad (they are divorced) and sometimes my grandparents. Otherwise, just in private.

jaynarie · 06-12-2018, 04:07 PM

My poor cousin is in her 40s and still called Boob by almost everyone- publicly and on social media. I would hate it.

I didn't even get the cutsie-young nickname my family calls me until I was in college. My mom started calling me by it to annoy me, which it didn't, and it stuck. Now all of my family calls me by that name nearly 100% of the time.