Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
By "slow" I don't mean "developmentally disabled," nor do I mean "not swift," as in running. I mean "slow" in the sense of "dawdling." My daughter, age 10, has always taken her own sweet time doing things. She has no sense of urgency whatsoever. Schedules mean nothing to her. It's not that she is deliberately trying to put a brake on things; it's just that she moves at her own pace, and that pace can best be compared to that of turtles or glaciers.
Sure, she'll do her homework; she'll get dressed; she'll do what needs to be done. But she takes forever doing it. She's easily distracted. She lets her mind wander. She'll go off on a tangent, then another one, then another one after that. If we have to go somewhere at a certain time (such as, for example, school) we'll get her started way earlier than I would think would be necessarily. But inevitably, we're having to rush her through at the last minute to get out on time, and it often leaves her frustrated or upset.
It probably doesn't help that I'm very schedule conscious, and hate being late. And it certainly doesn't help that her older brother is like me in this regard, and he'll get mad and start lobbing insults at her if she's not ready on time, which only serves to upset her even more and get me angry as well.
I don't know if there's any correlation between slowness of speed and slowness of mind, but if there is, it's not the case with my daughter. She's very intelligent; she gets mostly As and the rest Bs. Nor are there any social difficulties; she makes friends easily and is well-liked by everyone, as far as I know. It's not even related to physical speed; she is a fast runner and is active in soccer and basketball.
Anyone have any suggestions on how to speed her up so we can keep to our schedules? Or should I just resign myself to being frustrated all the time?
My daughter is the same way. She's grown now. Resign yourself to the fact that you need to plan around your daughter and get an earlier start on things if you need to be on a schedule. And lie. Tell her she needs to be ready by eight thirty if you need to be ready by nine, lol.
If you're in a rush, stand over her and hand her the cloths. Underwear, lets go we have to be there soon. Socks, get them on. Bra, shirt, pants lets get this done quick etc. Otherwise average out her times and get her up early. "you want to sleep longer? Get more efficient."
I think that kids have a hard time with hearing "we need to get dressed quickly" and you walk off and do something else for awhile. Come back, "why aren't you dressed? I said get dressed!" walk off and come back etc.. You aren't serious about her needing to get faster so why should she take you seriously?
Your actions indicate it isn't important and can be half assed. Why do I say that? Because it isn't important enough to you to make sure she gets it done right then an there and you know full and well she'll half ass it, so why is it going to be important to the child when she knows all this and in the end can get away with half assing it?
It isn't important, that is why it gets half assed and she is taking her time and I did the exact same thing as a kid. Routine can be built on anything, including half ass laziness or lollygagging. The longer it goes on the harder it can be to break out of it.
Fortunately she takes her schooling seriously. Many kids don't and you end up with parents doing the "did you do your homework" routine and then wonder why half way through the semester they are in deficiency. "I asked you if you did your homework!" ahh yes you did Mom and Dad but you couldn't be ass'd to check if I did it or cared about it with any meaningful purpose so neither did I. I as the child, put as much effort as you, the parent into the situation. Yet here you are pissed off and you wonder why you got an eye roll? Riiight.
My daughter is the same way. She's grown now. Resign yourself to the fact that you need to plan around your daughter and get an earlier start on things if you need to be on a schedule. And lie. Tell her she needs to be ready by eight thirty if you need to be ready by nine, lol.
Absolutely. Since you KNOW she is this way, put her on a different schedule without her knowing it. I had a son who was the same way. She WILL change her ways when it matters to her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man
It probably doesn't help that I'm very schedule conscious, and hate being late.
It doesn't help. Be aware that this can make things seem worse than they are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man
And it certainly doesn't help that her older brother is like me in this regard, and he'll get mad and start lobbing insults at her if she's not ready on time, which only serves to upset her even more and get me angry as well.
Does she have consequences for being late? If you say we are leaving at 12, and she isn’t ready, what do you do? It sounds as if you get frustrated, but essentially bend to her timeline.
Does she have consequences for being late? If you say we are leaving at 12, and she isn’t ready, what do you do? It sounds as if you get frustrated, but essentially bend to her timeline.
We deduct money from her allowance if she's late, with the amount depending on how late she is, and if the lateness impacts something else (such as making me miss my bus to work, for example). And we tell her that we're doing it, and how much we're deducting, as needed.
And if the lateness would affect something particularly important (such as making me late for work), we will make her stop whatever she's doing and get her into the car, whether she's ready or not. So she didn't finish getting her hair set the way she wanted? Too bad. We tell her that she'll have to do it faster next time.
We punish our son consistently when he is rude or mean to his sister. But he keeps on doing it. In fact, this is one of our greatest parenting frustrations. But that's a topic for another thread.
By "slow" I don't mean "developmentally disabled," nor do I mean "not swift," as in running. I mean "slow" in the sense of "dawdling." My daughter, age 10, has always taken her own sweet time doing things. She has no sense of urgency whatsoever. Schedules mean nothing to her. It's not that she is deliberately trying to put a brake on things; it's just that she moves at her own pace, and that pace can best be compared to that of turtles or glaciers.
Sure, she'll do her homework; she'll get dressed; she'll do what needs to be done. But she takes forever doing it. She's easily distracted. She lets her mind wander. She'll go off on a tangent, then another one, then another one after that. If we have to go somewhere at a certain time (such as, for example, school) we'll get her started way earlier than I would think would be necessarily. But inevitably, we're having to rush her through at the last minute to get out on time, and it often leaves her frustrated or upset.
It probably doesn't help that I'm very schedule conscious, and hate being late. And it certainly doesn't help that her older brother is like me in this regard, and he'll get mad and start lobbing insults at her if she's not ready on time, which only serves to upset her even more and get me angry as well.
I don't know if there's any correlation between slowness of speed and slowness of mind, but if there is, it's not the case with my daughter. She's very intelligent; she gets mostly As and the rest Bs. Nor are there any social difficulties; she makes friends easily and is well-liked by everyone, as far as I know. It's not even related to physical speed; she is a fast runner and is active in soccer and basketball.
Anyone have any suggestions on how to speed her up so we can keep to our schedules? Or should I just resign myself to being frustrated all the time?
She's a child. You are holding her to unrealistic expectations.
Parents make the mistake of unfairly expecting their children to behave more like adults though a child's stage of development cannot possibly grasp it ie following schedules, accomplishing tasks with a good work ethic, a sense of urgency...
You are holding your daughter up to the same standards you expect of yourself.
I think when you pressure her she gets a message that she is not good enough and she get anxious and even more confused and has not developed coping mechanisms to deal with it. You are driving her underground.
We deduct money from her allowance if she's late, with the amount depending on how late she is, and if the lateness impacts something else (such as making me miss my bus to work, for example). And we tell her that we're doing it, and how much we're deducting, as needed.
And if the lateness would affect something particularly important (such as making me late for work), we will make her stop whatever she's doing and get her into the car, whether she's ready or not. So she didn't finish getting her hair set the way she wanted? Too bad. We tell her that she'll have to do it faster next time.
Does she care about that stuff? I had a hard time with discipline for my daughter (still do) because finding what she cared about was impossible. I’d confine her to her room, take away her toys etc. she just would shrug her shoulders and say “okay”. She truly didn’t care.
I finally realized she thrives more on rewards, getting gold stars and praise. That worked much better. Now since she is a teenager I am having to figure it all out again
She's a child. You are holding her to unrealistic expectations.
Parents make the mistake of unfairly expecting their children to behave more like adults though a child's stage of development cannot possibly grasp it ie following schedules, accomplishing tasks with a good work ethic, a sense of urgency...
You are holding your daughter up to the same standards you expect of yourself.
I think when you pressure her she gets a message that she is not good enough and she get anxious and even more confused and has not developed coping mechanisms to deal with it. You are driving her underground.
You make a good point about holding a child to an adult's standards. But on the other hand, if we are late, there can be consequences, such as her being disciplined at school or me having my pay docked at work or us missing an airline flight or whatever. How can I not require unreasonable expectations but still instill in my daughter her own sense of time-keeping and understanding of the negative consequences of tardiness?
(To be fair, my boss is reasonable about tardiness, as long as I don't abuse it. I've never gotten to the point of having my pay docked. But it's still a realistic consequence of tardiness that I want my daughter, and son too, to understand.)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
