Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am sort of selfish with my time. I don’t like others dictating when I do things. Although I loved my children, and wouldn’t change anything, as we know, the kids call the shots. I noticed that the baby I had at 34, I enjoyed more than the kids I had in my 20s, so maturity probably has a lot to do with it.
I worked with/around K-12 kids for a couple of decades. Coached kid sports teams. But I only liked certain individual children, as human people. I don't like children as a matter of course. And I have zero interest any of them aged preschool or younger. I totally missed the "I love babies" gene, and feel incredibly awkward and icky when I find myself in the position of having to hold one.
My own kid was a totally 180 from that. I loved her baby year, and every year that has followed. I imagine that if she ever has her own kids that I'll love them, too. I'm a nurturing person, but very very selectively.
In general, I really do not like kids. I didn't want to have any. But I knew within hours of conception, and there are hormones that just flood you, nature has a way of making you love your own baby. It's just like when you fall stupid-in-love (or lust) with a new partner, it's all chemicals. You feel like you're on drugs, 'cause you kinda are.
In my case, this was reinforced by superwoman like powers of good physical health and energy during pregnancy. I felt amazing. No seasonal allergies, no colds, the "glowing" and all. I could do anything. Which is good, since life was pretty challenging then.
By the time my first was born (I ended up having two because I just thought it would be best to have a pair of close in age siblings rather than an only child) I was utterly in love and totally devoted. Not to all kids, or just any kid, but to mine. Who was surely the most magical little creature, and not just any baby, no. And they go through this phase where if you smile at them, they smile back, and I swear to you I grinned like an idiot until my face literally hurt.
Now my sons are teens. 17 and 19. And I'm no longer with their father these past few years, but still have to deal with him because we have to co-parent. And I still adore my sons. But we are now going through this thing where they get set to make a terrible choice, and I point out to them, "You are about to make a terrible choice" and they get mad about it and tell me to leave them alone, and I just have to sit here and watch it happen. It's frustrating to say the least. And I definitely find myself just counting the days until they're both really independent (the older one is more or less, but the younger has a way to go yet.)
And more than before, as my sons have become these young men, taller than me and all, I really do NOT like other people's kids, especially the little ones. Savages, they are. Screeching, drooling wee goblins.
I don't think you have to be the sort of person who goes ga-ga over children, to be a good parent. Just try to make sure it's what you really want in life. Because it's a major commitment, for an awful long time. Also, make sure you're really solid about being tied to the other parent for the next couple of decades. Be really sure about that. Because you will, whether you like it or not.
I never really liked children before I had my own, and while I love my children I still don't really care for other children except my own grandchildren of course.
As you say I don't dislike them in general, just not a child friendly person.
Ok, I know this may sound terrible, but I need input on this. I hear people who've had children say, "I love kids", "I've always loved kids", and the like. I don't dislike children, but I certainly don't melt and gush whenever I see them. Are there any people who felt similarly prior to having children and did your feelings change after you had them? If I don't love children, should I avoid becoming a parent?
I fit that category perfectly. When we were first a young married couple, kids were the furthest thing from my mind. I was making good money, she was making good money, we were enjoying life. I was a typical guy, and kids were not in my plans. Then one day, she said "Honey, I'm late !"
Even during the almost 9 months of her pregnancy, I was an idiot. I was very detached and not at all excited about the upcoming birth. I guess I credit that selfishness to being young and dumb. However, the day she delivered (twin boys), and the Doctor walked out into the waiting room with one under each arm and said "Here, Dad, say hi to your sons !", my world changed in that instant.
Suddenly, I had to be responsible, and I had two little guys who were going to look up to me to be an example and teach them. They became the center of my world, and my life. I would come home from work and they would greet me, running down the stairs to get a hug. We shared good times and bad times.
Even today, they are now almost 48 years old, and we are still best friends. We either see each other every day or talk, and we share the same hobbies and interests. I thank God every night for bringing them into my life, having them has made me complete and a much better person. I could not imagine my life without them in it and all the years of love we have shared.
Oh, and I am not overly fond of other people's children. I like them, but am not crazy about kids in general, only my own.
Thank you all so much for sharing your feelings and experiences. I can't tell you how great it is to read that there are people who feel similarly (and were still able to love their children).
I'm not a a gusher - particularly around babies. Not my thing. I enjoyed my own kids especially as they got older and more interesting. Same with my grandson. 3 is a hoot.
Not gushing and not liking at all are different things.
Exactly how I was and still am. I love my sons (from birth to adult-hood)... and love my 2 1/2 year old grand-daughter, but seeing a baby or toddler doesn't set my heart a-flutter wanting to hug them and hold them.
I worked with/around K-12 kids for a couple of decades. Coached kid sports teams. But I only liked certain individual children, as human people. I don't like children as a matter of course. And I have zero interest any of them aged preschool or younger. I totally missed the "I love babies" gene, and feel incredibly awkward and icky when I find myself in the position of having to hold one.
My own kid was a totally 180 from that. I loved her baby year, and every year that has followed. I imagine that if she ever has her own kids that I'll love them, too. I'm a nurturing person, but very very selectively.
I was similar. I don't enjoy young children, although I adored my own at every stage. I must admit, though, that the late teenage/young adult years have been my favorite so far. It's wonderful to see the people my kids have become/are becoming, and I truly enjoy spending time with them. I would not do the elementary school years again for all the money in the world. My children were not trouble-makers by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a crazy-making time. Halloween reminded me of what kids that age are like, and while most who came to the door last night were sweet and well-mannered, I found myself very grateful that those years are long over for me as a parent.
I knew it would be different with my own kids, but I didn't expect just how much you fall in love with them.
Or how hard it is to have someone you love so much out there in the world.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
