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Then why do you spend $300 on wedding gifts, as you stated just recently in a thread. That's a lot of money if you aren't earning high incomes.
Also, why can't the stepson pay for his "date" that he's asking her to attend with him. Does she choose these activities?
We go to weddings once a year. I dont see what that has to do with anything. We live in a highly affluent area & $300 is the standard rate most people are giving for weddings in the LI / NYC / NJ metro area.
He is 15. He doesnt have a job. We give him allowance & from what I know he buys video game stuff with it
It isn’t even that what we’re doing is fancy stuff. We took them to the movies the other night it was $12 per adult ticket, then they wanted snacks at the movies that was another $24 then after the movies they wanted ice cream that was another $12. We can’t pass them off as children anymore bc they are 14 & 15 & look it so we have to pay the adult price when we go to movies. The day ended up being close to $100.
Also he doesn't ask us if she can come, he just says "she's coming" (& I think b/c she asks to come).
Regardless, we always send our stepson with money. If her family wants to pay for him, that's fine, but we don't expect it.
The next time you have a family activity planned, your husband needs to set expectations with his son when he tells him about that activity and before son invites the GF.
"We're going to the amusement park on Saturday. Jane is welcome to come, but tell her to bring money because she'll need to buy her own ticket. Or we can take it out of your allowance if you're treating her."
Also, dad should explain to son that the family is on a limited budget. He's 15, it's not too early to start teaching your son how to properly budget and manage money. Set him up now to do be able to do it successfully in the future.
FWIW, I think it's nice that a 15-year old still enjoys and wants to do family activities. That's usually the age where they've become more independent and doing anything with the family is not cool.
The next time you have a family activity planned, your husband needs to set expectations with his son when he tells him about that activity and before son invites the GF.
"We're going to the amusement park on Saturday. Jane is welcome to come, but tell her to bring money because she'll need to buy her own ticket. Or we can take it out of your allowance if you're treating her."
Also, dad should explain to son that the family is on a limited budget. He's 15, it's not too early to start teaching your son how to properly budget and manage money. Set him up now to do be able to do it successfully in the future.
FWIW, I think it's nice that a 15-year old still enjoys and wants to do family activities. That's usually the age where they've become more independent and doing anything with the family is not cool.
The thing is, he’s lived with his mom up until about beginning of this year. He asked to come live with us. We live in a different state than his mother - i’ve never had a full-time child - this was literally kind of thrown at me.
I think my husband has a hard time saying no to him because he’s kind of making up for lost time
My stepson is 15 and he has his first girlfriend. It's great and he is very sweet to her and they seem like they both like each other a lot.
Lately he has been asking her to come on our family outings. I don't particularly mind, but every time she comes with us, we have to pay for her. My husband and I don't make a lot of money. Her parents never send her out with any money so that ultimately falls on us. Conversely, whenever our stepson goes out with her family, we send him with money, b/c we feel that is the right thing to do.
Not sure if we should say something or just let it go?
We assume we pay for friends when they come out with us. Different families are different. Stop sending money with your step son?
If we allow our teens to invite a friend on a family outing, we pay for the friend. They aren't really dating anyone, so we haven't encountered that yet, but I'm sure the same would go for a boyfriend/girlfriend. With that being said, they don't just randomly invite friends on family outings; they ask first. I'd find it odd for a 15-year-old to assume that if the family is going somewhere, he can just invite the girlfriend without finding out if it's okay first. In my opinion, that is the main issue. If he does ask if he can bring the girlfriend, that's your opportunity to say, "yes, that's fine, and we will pay for her," or "yes, that's fine, but she will need to pay her own admission," or "no, this is for our family only."
So we’re never supposed to do anything fun? Just stay home & be hermits?
Is it fun “scraping by”? When your finances are stretched to the point that you have pain with the inclusion of one other person, you have a bigger issue.
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