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Once again, as a parent, we teach our kids what we believe in. We teach them to respect their body.
And you realize that doesn't mean the same thing to every parent, right? For us, "respect" could mean being conscious of what you put on and inside your body. From the products we use to the food we eat. It could mean prioritizing an active and healthy lifestyle. It could mean a variety of different things. But bodily autonomy is another component in that. It means allowing our kids to decide when and if they want to receive affection. It means owning and advocating for boundaries. I meant that I waited until my eldest daughter expressed interest in having her ears pierced. It means that I allow my daughters to decide if they're interested in shaving their legs or whether they want to wear makeup (they don't) or if they want to cut or shave their hair (my eldest daughter did this in 7th grade). She's chopped her off even though I was a tiny bit hesitant at first because I loved her long curly hair. If it's their choice and it's not indicative of unhealthy or risky behaviors then it's not really a concern.
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Of course that starts at a young age.
And these "values" we teach them aren't necessarily the same.
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So many people talk about it being her body let her do what ever she wants to it. Would you tell her to overeat
Overeating or eating past satiety can kick off unhealthy behaviors that can lead to metabolic disorders. Not the same thing.
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or eat what ever you want?
I mean, if she's 18 and has her own money, what am I going to do? But it's our intention to encourage specific eating and lifestyle habits that are ingrained and part of their normal routine. We try to model those habits. We have no plans to micromanage what they eat once they're adults. But I'm not going to become indignant or throw a fit because they decide to have a chocolate cake even though we may not indulge. My husband doesn't drink. Not only does he think alcohol tastes gross, but he thinks it too often leads to unhealthy behaviors. That doesn't mean he expects me to abstain. I may have a drink once every several months.
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Would a parent tell a kid it is ok to not eat at all?
Like, skip breakfast? We don't force them to eat if they're not hungry. Eat when you're hungry, stop when you reach satiety. What you're proposing can lead to actual health consequences or unhealthy behaviors. Wanting a piercing is not that unless you're just anti-body modification for ideological reasons, not "health" reasons. If that's the case, just say that instead of disguising it as concern for their health and well-being.
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Would you tell her it is ok to take drugs?
I'm not opposed to cannabis. I partake in it myself. Once they're 21. But just like drinking, they will know to be cognizant and discerning of unhealthy patterns of behavior and habits. Just like with, say, eating too many treats and soft drinks (which we very rarely buy) or alcohol.
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Would you tell her that it is fine to take the body that God gave her and abuse it in anyway?
We're atheists, so we don't teach our kids that gods of any sort "made" their bodies or that their bodies are sacred temples that need to remain pure and pristine. Again, ideological differences are going to vary here, and they no doubt inform how many parents, parent. We're more likely to care about what they put in their body and knowing the risks associated with certain eating or recreational habits than a tattoo or piercing.
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I don't know of any parent that would say it is fine to do any of those things.
Uh...are you oblivious to the world around you? There are parents that allow their underage kids to drink and smoke. There are parents that allow their kids to eat whatever and whenever they want. There are parents that allow their kids to stay out and do whatever until the sun goes down. There are parents who aren't involved in the doings and happenings of their teenagers. But this young woman is legally an adult. Not only that, but everything you used as an argument against the OP's daughter's choice of piercing is based on your own "values" and what you perceive as defiling or harming the body. Yeah, so does tanning and bleaching one's hair and whatever other chemicals they put on their body. If your premise is that it's not healthy, there's a lot of things people, including teens, do that isn't necessarily healthy. But that's not what this is.
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Some kids cut themselves.
Self-harm is observed in a small percentage of adolescents and adults who struggle with a mental illness. It's not the same thing as someone making conscious and lucid decision to get a piercing.
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Why Do People Self-Injure?
People who self-injure commonly report they feel empty inside, over or under stimulated, unable to express their feelings, lonely, not understood by others and fearful of intimate relationships and adult responsibilities. Self-injury is their way to cope with or relieve painful or hard-to-express feelings, and is generally not a suicide attempt. But relief is temporary, and a self-destructive cycle often develops without proper treatment. Self-inury can also be a way to have control over your body when you can’t control anything else in your life. A lot of people who cut themselves also have an eating disorder.
By engaging in self-injury, a person intends to:
Obtain relief from a negative feeling or mental state
Resolve an interpersonal difficulty, like a disagreement with a friend or loved one
Deal with an intrapersonal problem, like boredom
Induce a positive feeling state [3]
Diagnosis
The diagnosis for someone who self-injures can only be determined by a licensed psychiatric professional. Self-injury behaviors can be a symptom other mental illnesses such as: personality disorders (esp. borderline personality disorder); bipolar disorder (manic depression); major depression; anxiety disorders (esp. obsessive-compulsive disorder); and psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia.
The things you listed above do not correlate with body piercings.
But the comment I was commenting on was "It is her body, let her do what ever she wants with it." Since it is her body would you be ok with her doing anything on the list?
It also depends on how you feel about body modifications. I will always tell my kids that I don't approve of them. They can make that decision when they are an adult and paying for it with money that they earned.
One of the Radio personalities that I listen to on KFI in Los Angeles has gone so far as to tell his daughters that if they get a tattoo or major piercings they will be disinherited and this particular guy that I listen to has a lot of money. Once again, their choice to do what they want.
I told my kids no piercings or tattoos before the age of 25. If they did, no money for college or weddings. I told them that if they wanted a piercing that I would drive them to the tattoo parlor because it would save me thousands. If they can waste money at that age on junk like that, they can fund their own activities.
Best answer right here. Great you are 18 so you make your own decisions.
But the comment I was commenting on was "It is her body, let her do what ever she wants with it." Since it is her body would you be ok with her doing anything on the list?
It also depends on how you feel about body modifications. I will always tell my kids that I don't approve of them. They can make that decision when they are an adult and paying for it with money that they earned.
One of the Radio personalities that I listen to on KFI in Los Angeles has gone so far as to tell his daughters that if they get a tattoo or major piercings they will be disinherited and this particular guy that I listen to has a lot of money. Once again, their choice to do what they want.
I agree with Metaphysique's post above.
That wealthy radio personality is very manipulative, and controlling.
Last edited by mlulu23; 07-17-2019 at 10:48 AM..
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