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From your past posts, it sounds like there's some turmoil in your home right now.
I don't think "chill out don't get attitude" mumbled as he is walking to his room to change as you requested is a big deal, especially since he's your stepson.
Sometimes, you just have to be a willow and bend.
(
I would have gone all teen-age girl. "OMGAAAWWWD! You HAVE to wear pants, those PJ's are SO embarrassing! What if my friends see me with you????!!!! I would just DIE!!!" Do it with full drama.
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If you live here anything that happens is your fault
This is flipper land the wrong doer always accused the victim
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Well youre half correct. While the drama was perhaps not necessary I also dont have unlimited time to work around the schedule of a leisurely 16 year old. Couple that fact with his assumption that i do have time to work around him and i get short.
You said he walked off w/ the ice cream. Did he go get ready and did you two end up going to the mall? If you were on a set schedule and he wasn't ready, I guess I would have just said it will have to be another time.
It is not his party. It is someone else’s party. I am not even clear if the stepson wanted to attend this party, which is another issue entirely. If he didn’t really want to attend and was going out of some sense of obligation, it is no surprise he wasn’t really wanting to go to the mall. I agree with the others that it would have been as simple as “It appears you are not dressed and ready to go. We have to be on the road by 5pm. If you aren’t dressed by then, I will take it as a sign that you don’t need new clothes for the party.â€
Ah. Got it. Thank you for explaining it to me.
In our community, if a child doesn't want to attend a party, they don't. The reasoning is that you can't force kids to do something they don't want to do.
Gosh people dont read all the posts. He wants to go to the party. He wanted a special outfit for the party. I did not go to the mall because I was unhappy with the events as they played out. He went with just his father and brother and I took a break. I dont consider that I should have to remind everyone that we are doing something they asked to do but I need to remember in the future that a little forethought could prevent some frustration later.
I dont consider that I should have to remind everyone that we are doing something they asked to do but I need to remember in the future that a little forethought could prevent some frustration later.
You may not consider it, but it is considerate to do so.
By texting ahead of time that you'll be home soon, you're basically modeling the behavior you want HIM to use.
Gosh people dont read all the posts. He wants to go to the party. He wanted a special outfit for the party. I did not go to the mall because I was unhappy with the events as they played out. He went with just his father and brother and I took a break. I dont consider that I should have to remind everyone that we are doing something they asked to do but I need to remember in the future that a little forethought could prevent some frustration later.
Honestly, the fact that you made a big deal out of a teenager telling you to chill really doesn't convince me that I need to know the exact details. Kids want things all the time. What kind of plan did he set up to get these new clothes? Or do you not expect him to be a little more proactive?
Again, I don't think his behavior is anything new to your family.
I found it hard to find my step parent groove. What finally helped me was thinking about how I would feel if it were my kid acting that way. When I did that I found myself more forgiving of stuff, not like "have it your way" forgiving, more of "well this is normal kid stuff, and it's my job to deal with it appropriately." It really brought down my blood pressure.
But it does help that DH and I are on the same page generally speaking. He is actually a little more strict than I am, and I soften that a bit.
That the son wasn't ready isn't a big deal to me, and it is easily worked with, because that is typical teen behavior. It helps to remember that teens are supposed to get rebellious, it's part of breaking away to become self-sufficient adults. I think it's the job of adults to teach them how to do it maturely, and to be mature themselves with conflict.
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I found it hard to find my step parent groove. What finally helped me was thinking about how I would feel if it were my kid acting that way. When I did that I found myself more forgiving of stuff, not like "have it your way" forgiving, more of "well this is normal kid stuff, and it's my job to deal with it appropriately." It really brought down my blood pressure.
But it does help that DH and I are on the same page generally speaking. He is actually a little more strict than I am, and I soften that a bit.
That the son wasn't ready isn't a big deal to me, and it is easily worked with, because that is typical teen behavior. It helps to remember that teens are supposed to get rebellious, it's part of breaking away to become self-sufficient adults. I think it's the job of adults to teach them how to do it maturely, and to be mature themselves with conflict.
Yes. This. We have found that if our daughter can respond to our specific body language, such as a particular look or even to silence, she has learned who we are.
People think my daughter is super sweet. And she is. But she has endless wants and can get testy if we set up expectations for her, so we stopped doing that. Telling us she needs new clothes is nothing new. We often smile at her when she makes this announcement and go about our business. To an outsider, that smile may appear to be unresponsive, but to our daughter, it means something. We have been down this road and she has been taught a lesson.
If it is that important to her, she will find a way to get new clothes such as setting up a day and time to go to the mall. Or we will text her the day and time we are available to go shopping. She has to hustle.
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