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I'm exhausted from this internal war I have had since becoming a mom (I can't even imagine how exhausted my husband is). When I became a SAHM (something I decided at the last minute before my maternity leave was up), I felt bad about not working so I decided to find a job and return to work. Now, I feel guilty about working and would rather not work so I can spend more time with my toddler. I should add that I am now on my 3rd job since becoming a mom all in an attempt to find the perfect balance.
We don't need my income to support our family. I just want to make a decision and stick with it. Have any moms been in this situation?? What worked for you??
Last edited by LadyMill00; 01-16-2020 at 09:07 AM..
I’d say if your don’t need your income then stay home if that’s what your heart tells me. The thing I have worried about taking a few years off is how hard would it be to find a job if I ever wanted to come back. I live in Boston so the job market here is competitive. While I have experience I worry that I’m replaceable by many around here who don’t have a resume gap, etc. it’s tough!
I’d say if your don’t need your income then stay home if that’s what your heart tells me. The thing I have worried about taking a few years off is how hard would it be to find a job if I ever wanted to come back. I live in Boston so the job market here is competitive. While I have experience I worry that I’m replaceable by many around here who don’t have a resume gap, etc. it’s tough!
That's exactly what I worry about too! I enjoy working and I'd rather not have a huge gap in my resume. I feel that working part-time may be the solution but after months of looking and applying, I'm losing hope.
It does seem difficult to find part time work. The way the corporate world runs today there’s just not a huge need for part time employees. It’s either all in or out.
It does seem difficult to find part time work. The way the corporate world runs today there’s just not a huge need for part time employees. It’s either all in or out.
Yes, I worked up the nerve to ask for part-time hours and still haven't received an answer/solution yet from my very big corporate traditional company.
FWIW, I've been looking for 2 years for a full-time gig and still haven't even gotten an interview (but lots of other issues are at play here for me).
I have lots of friends that do the part-time gig, and I honestly think that is really the best. Keep looking! What field are you in?
Oh no! I hope you find something soon! I'm working as an administrative assistant now but most of my experience is in HR and I have a degree in Communications.
My income isn't needed, so I'm a SAHM. However, I have found many ways to stay busy. I have chaired committees, been involved at my kid's school, catering has become a well developed hobby (I've done events for 450+), and for the past 6 years I have been baking weekly for a non-profit for which the profits have done much good in the world. There are 10+ volunteers that work under me every week. I've learned the coffee business and am equipped to run a shop with high end specialty drinks. I've made enough connections that if I want back in the market, I can get there.
My being home and on a flexible schedule pursuing my interests has allowed my husband to hold a more challenging and lucrative career, so it's a win for everyone.
The biggest complaint I hear from friends who try to stay home is they get lazy and bored and tired and start losing themselves. It is so important you have a hobby or a side gig that keeps you engaged. This isn't to say I don't wistfully look at what I *could* have done. Would have been a chef or a restaurateur? or a culinary school instructor? I'll probably never know as my kids range in age from 4 to 23.
As much as our society seems to expect otherwise, a woman can't be all things all the time. It is true that taking time away from work to be with your small child may affect your ability to advance a career later. Whether the trade-off is worth it is a decision only you can make. Before we decided to start a family my husband and I were on the same page about our priority of not putting our children in daycare, so we made arrangements that allowed for my continuing to have an income stream while keeping our son with me during the day. I work for my church, where he can come with me, and shortly before his first birthday we opened a retail store, which I'm at during the day with the kid in tow.
For me, no career would be worth missing these early years with my son. Even knowing that going in, there were definitely days where I felt like I was "doing nothing" with my life other than changing diapers and doing laundry! That's totally normal and there's really no answer for it except to decide what your priorities are and remind yourself why you made the decision you did when you're feeling conflicted. I'm only two and a half years in but I think the mom rollercoaster never ends.
I was really conflicted about staying home as well. I returned to work part-time after my son started school. It's been a perfect thing for me. It was really, really hard staying home but I am really glad that I did. Toddler and preschool years while hard, are a lot of fun as well. There's so much learning and exploring and fun. Again, don't get me wrong, it's hard but it was rewarding. Once school starts there really is a lot less time with them. If you want to stay at home I recommend picking a length of time - 1 year or something like that where you won't constantly be searching for work or questioning your decision. Just throw yourself into it and don't second guess. See how you feel at the end of the period.
If work is what you want to do, by all means then that is what you should do. My advice above was given because it sounds like you'd like to give yourself "permission" to stay home.
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