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I think that fostering his current interests and exposing him to new things would be more helpful than asking "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Say he likes bugs. Take him to a bug zoo, get him bug books. Maybe he'll grow up to be an insect biologist or a designer for horror flix. Or maybe you take him to an aerospace museum and he loses interest in bugs and winds up an astronaut who discovers the first life on Mars. A bug, of course.
My kid is 13. Every time I casually ask him "what do you want to do when you grow up?", the answer is always something like "I don't know". I don't know if 13 is still too young to have even some idea.
I am eager to help him avoid the career mistakes I made. He can choose something that suits his interest, but on that line I hope to ensure it is something that would be more rewarding -- more job satisfaction, more financially rewarding, higher social status, etc.
For example, if he says he loves to cook, then instead of flipping burgers at fast food joints, I may encourage him to go to culinary school and be a top chef.
But privately I do have a few potential professions in each of those categories, that I hope to direct him to, because I think everyone invariably seek some or all of those things.
Whether you communicate it or not, do you have any aspirations for your kids?
My husband decided what he wanted to be at 10 and he did/ does it! I with a very different personality am still questioning this at 41.
I am sorry that you feel like you have made "career mistakes" but please don't project or pressure that onto your child.
Just practice tons of exposure to many things. With my grown kids I always have to remember THEY have to want it not me. I can push them all I want, but if THEY want it- they'll suceed.
I can't get on board with the social status thing. If they are paying their bills & content- sucess is relative.
We have totally different views of life so I don't see how you would accept anything I would advise. First, job satisfaction and making a decent living and being satisfied with what you are doing in life, are my definitions of success. Status and fame are just dead ends as far as I am concerned. If you pursue those, you can never be happy because you will never get to the top of the ladder, there are always people who are doing much better than you in that regard. And if your happiness depends on feeling superior to others, that's another dead end.
In my view, having peace of mind and self respect and getting a job that I loved in my early 40's and being able to afford a comfortable middle class life and a comfortable retirement at 62 was my definition of success. I wouldn't trade that for any amount of money or status. It was priceless.
I don't have a million dollars in the bank but I don't need or want it. We are comfortable and still save about 15% of our retirement income every year. It's just numbers on an account.
^This to me, is the definition of a well-lived life.
If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life.
Money and status aren't goals, but a byproduct of loving what you do.
Career direction is one of my greatest concerns about my children. They'll be working for some 40 years of their lives, but are only in school for about 16. I've been looking for signs since Kindergarten of what they're interested in, their personalities, their skills.
The thing is that I may want them to have a certain career, but they may not want to. I think my youngest would make a great PE teacher, but he's so impatient and wants quick results that he may not want to endure all the classes and practice teaching needed to get that certificate. And plus he may hate standing in front of people speaking.
My oldest is in middle school and his brain is shut off every time I ask him a question about anything. He had a chance to sign up for a career direction elective for 8th grade but he quickly refused.
My personal preference is that no kid should go thru that "trial and error" -- work at low wage labor jobs to realize that's not desirable -- and be motivated to go back to school. Some time will be wasted to say the least.
Every kid should experience that realization....that's one of the most valuable lessons in life
+1. At 13 our 3 boys were positive pro sports were in their futures. We supported their dreams, but we didn't feed them. Supported = paid for travel ball, coaching, equipment, etc. Feeding = telling them they were the best there ever was, and practice would pay off more than schooling.
Needless to say, not one of them pursued sports past the high school years. And their goals evolved through their college years. If your child has a lasting passion(and ability) they will find a way to make it a career. Be patient while they take some time to be kids and they'll figure it out on their own.
Can you share at what age they had an idea and did it pan out or did they switch multiple times?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woody01
Every kid should experience that realization....that's one of the most valuable lessons in life
I feel sorry for your son......
It may be a valuable lesson but it doesn't mean that's the only way they learn it.
There are plenty of sheltered kids who grow up to be fully functioning adults. And look at adults who've had it hard all their life - they don't always make it either, and perhaps waste years or education dollars getting there too. There's no 1 way. I believe with a lot of direction, kids can start their true livelihood way earlier - for example those who buy their first house at 25 as opposed to 35.
Every kid should experience that realization....that's one of the most valuable lessons in life
I feel sorry for your son......
I should probably refine my theory.
There are different types of trial-and-errors; some give good lessons, some are complete waste of time, yet some can leave irreversible damage.
Hitting your head on concrete to learn the danger of not wearing helmet, might be an example of the last. I doubt any parent intentionally let their young kids bike without helmet to learn the lesson.
Working McJobs as an adult to realize that's not a good career choice, is at best an unnecessary waste of time. It really is wasting career earning because it shortens peak earning years. I think this lesson should be taught to kids just like helmet safety, rather than intentionally letting them fall into the hole to learn it.
I have no issue with trying one career, find out it's not a suitable one, then try another. I have many times wanted to change career myself (just never had the guts to give up what I have).
Working McJobs as an adult to realize that's not a good career choice, is at best an unnecessary waste of time. It really is wasting career earning because it shortens peak earning years. I think this lesson should be taught to kids just like helmet safety, rather than intentionally letting them fall into the hole to learn it.
There is no teacher like experience. Working a McJob as teen (summer or part time) is a great way to learn it while you still have a safety net.
Working McJobs as an adult to realize that's not a good career choice, is at best an unnecessary waste of time. It really is wasting career earning because it shortens peak earning years. I think this lesson should be taught to kids just like helmet safety, rather than intentionally letting them fall into the hole to learn it.
My kids were required by me to work minimum wage jobs over summers starting at age 16.
My kids worked a Panera, CVS, Macy's, Burger King, BJ, etc.
A minimum wage jobs is hard physical labor. It takes discipline to keep track of a schedule and to get work in uniform on time. Additionally, it teaches you how to deal with the public, fellow employees and managers. It teaches you how to respect fellow workers who did not have the opportunities or who were forced to take a minimum wage in their 50's or 60's.
These jobs build character. I think everyone should have to work before graduating high school.
It's amazing how much pressure kids can put on Themselves with no parental "help" whatsoever. Some people decide upon their life's work at a young age. Others are still changing course at 40. When my kid was young I'd tell her that there was a very good chance that the job/career path she may find herself in probably didn't exist yet. It's not job titles or occupations/professions that are all that important but rather skill sets and natural inclination toward interests.
Others have said this but it bears repeating. Kids need experiences that will expose them to different thinking, learning, creating. We homeschooled so that we had the flexibility to learn many things. My daughter had a love of animals so she thought about being a vet. She loved studying about ancient Greece and Rome so she considered archeology. She enjoyed making things by hand---drawing, sewing, knitting, building models, etc. yet she hated working in the garden and didn't like getting her hands dirty. She wouldn't engage in finger painting as a young kid either. Observe your son/daughter. Do they like to pretend? Are they gamers?
When my girl entered the highschool years she attended several pre-college camps to learn about the topic of interest. NOT about which university/school she'd attend but the subject at hand. She attended Design, Architecture, Engineering, Foreign Language, Dance, etc programs. She volunteered one summer at a natural history museum. She tried and discarded m-a-n-y ideas which she was Encouraged to do. (Adolescents need to be free to like something one day and be indifferent the next. Their brains are developing at an enormous rate, their hormones are raging and they are shooting up in height. They crave and need variety.)
She decided at the last moment between two very different fields of study. She's an architect today. She uses all of her talents she's had since her childhood. She's in a creative field so there's lots of visioning/pretending. She's got a great sense of physical space honed from her childhood years as a classical ballet dancer. She drafts construction documents. She draws. She's hand built models, etc.
A parent can help a child find his interests but can't choose a life path for him. Encourage your kids in finding what they like to experience and they will find their way.
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