Consistent fights and arguments since new baby dad or mom advice appreciate! (divorce, infant)
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I'm new here hope this is the right forum and thread.
Recently my wife and I been fighting and arguing alot recently maybe like once or twice a week sometimes every few days. We been together for almost 8 years!
We would argue here and there but nothing serious and I was busy with college and work, so we didn't spent that much time together till the past few years. We have an eight month old. Who's alot of work and high needs baby. Since we started parenting it's been consistent fights and arguments and now she's pregnant again. Recently she been talking about separation and I'm not on the same page as she is and bringing up co parenting. I don't want divorce or separation I'm trying to make it work but it's really hard. I don't want to force a relationship and a
unhealthy one. We don't want to fight in front of our son and be stressed while she's pregnant. I want to spent spend every minute with kids and raise them from day one.
Any advice on what to do or anyone been through this before? Does it workout at the end should we keep trying?
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
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Do either of you have parents who had successful happy marriages, who modeled for you how to do it?
It sounds like you could use family counseling, since you have a special needs baby and another baby on the way. This is very hard.
There is a strategy of arguing, for married couples, that is taught in PreCana premarital counseling. While you're arguing, imagine yourselves holding hands (or actually hold hands, which is best but unusual) and make the goal of your argument about coming together in agreement and harmony. Don't make your argument about tearing each other apart, but rather, about finding mutual ground as the goal.
Best wishes. Parenting is HARD, and if neither of you have parents who modeled for you how to navigate a lifelong relationship successfully, you're even at further disadvantage.
Why put another baby in this mess? Figure out yourselves first. Get counseling. But a baby makes for more fighting honestly..... What exactly are the fight reasons? Underlying reasons? She's just stressed. We all are. I don't think it's right to jump to the conclusion of separation so fast. Why is she so quick to divorce??
Well, mom is pregnant again, so this question is moot. (Akin to shutting the barn door after the horse escapes).
Having said that, go to counseling. Remember the words of someone much wiser than I in the process: we have two ears and one mouth for a reason.
Listen. Apply the suggestions. That goes for both parties in the relationship. Your childrens' stability depends on it.
One more thing: it would be my recommendation that you visit a urologist.
You don’t say what it is you are arguing about. Are you saying the stress of the baby is causing you to fight, or what? You better be getting a handle on it before #2 comes along.
I’ve been married for about 100 years or so, and in my experience, what a fight is about, is NOT what the fight is about. Marriage council is definitely needed.
Get help before it’s too late. You have children who are counting on you, and you no longer have the luxury of just walking away.
How will separating or divorcing help anything? Single parenting doesn't make parenting easier, unless one of you is abusive.
Unfortunately, there's not much that the O.P. can do if the mother of his children pulls the plug on the marriage even though he has stated that he really wants to make their marriage work.
P.S. I second the suggestion that was made by another poster regarding a trip to the urologist or finding a seriously good form of birth control (once the new baby has arrived) since another child is being brought into the picture of a marriage that's admittedly been rough since the beginning of parenting the first child (who's not even a year old).
O.P.: What are your fights generally about? Money? Parenting? In-laws? Sex? Housekeeping? Time? Other?
OP, we're going to need a lot more info, before we can advise you.
For one thing, how is this infant a "high needs baby" any more than any other helpless newborn? Is there a deformity or special condition involved, or are you saying, that you were blindsided by how demanding an infant can be?
And why did you decide to have another child so soon? Was that a mutual decision? This picture isn't adding up.'Is the mother not nursing the baby? They say nursing consistently helps prevent pregnancy.
And last, but by no means least; what do you fight about? Anything that hiring a part-time nanny or getting a new grandparent involved wouldn't solve? (Those midnight feedings--OY!) Did your wife work before the baby arrived?
Do you make a lot of money, that could support TWO (count 'em: II) children and their mother, as well as yourself, in the case of a separation? Where did she get the idea, that divorce would be a good idea, and that a 2nd helpless, crying human would be a good idea?
OP, WTH is going on in your life? You don't seem to be at the helm. Did you two not discuss in advance of making the baby, how to share baby care, nursing vs. formula, how to raise/discipline/guide a child/toddler, schooling, and all that stuff?
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 07-07-2020 at 11:51 AM..
All I can say from experience is that my folks were married way, way, way longer than you have been with yours.
For every day that I was alive and living with my parents, they yelled and fought with each other (never becoming violent but close enough) to the point of never speaking to each other unless they were arguing. My folks lived this way until both died. I turned out shell-shocked because of this. I always wished that my folks would have just called it quits instead of showing each other every single day how much they hated each other, and on top of that, showing me how much they despised having a kid with each other. They truly acted like they each other, but it was too easier to stay together and make life miserable for themselves and everyone around them than having to go out and work for new lifestyles on their own.
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