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She is a minor and lives in your home. You have the right to look through her items or do whatever to insure her safety. Obviously she has way too much freedom on the computer if she was able to do this. I would remove the computer from her room and put it in the living room or kitchen (a place where someone can monitor her on it) and place child safety software on it to block her from certain sites and limit the hours she can be on it. This 24 yr. old man is taking a big chance trying to have a relationship with a minor like that. Your husband is wrong. If she had been raped, killed or abducted when she ran away I venture to say that he would have a very different opinion on you looking through her stuff.
Last edited by brokencrayola; 05-10-2008 at 04:14 PM..
Reason: spelling
Wednesday my 16 year old daughter ran away and left me a note. I was able to find proof on her computer she was taking a flight to visit 24 year old man. Thursday the police were able to take her into custody at the gate in the airport. She's home and I feel very lucky we saved her. Friday I am in her room and find a painting this guy made of her (not sexual) and 2 photos of him - which I confiscate. My daughter freaked out and came downstairs screaming. My husband sided with her, saying she deserved some privacy and respect. My feeling is she had too much privacy and that got her into this situation in the first place. I don't want her holding on to these things and having something concrete to keep her attachment going. I was forced into returning the painting and photos top her. I feel it is WRONG.
What do other parents think about this?
This parent of a 16 year old girl thinks your daughter forfeited her right to privacy when she showed such a gross lack of judgment. Unless your daughter is really naive, or never reads a newspaper, she knew what she was doing was risky and foolish.
Regardless of your husband's attitude, I would stop this "relationship" right now. As far as "respect" due your daughter, how much respect did she show you and your husband when she took off? Sorry, she needs a serious wake up call.
It is a scary road you are on with your daughter right now. She is independent enough to run away, and you need to be careful not to push her in that direction...
If you can, I would find stories of girls who have been duped by men like she has, have a third party tell her about them, a police officer or a family friend. Try and get her to see what can happen.
I would also talk to her friends. Let them know you are concerned for her safety. Ask their help in protecting her. You never know, they may help you!
Another suggestion if she keeps saying she is madly in love and must be with this guy, tell her he can come and visit, stay in a hotel, and meet her on your terms. Not sure how I feel about it; but it may be a solution to not push her away....
PRIVACY my Lilly White Patootie......raising two g'kids.....boy 16 girl 13....they will have all the privacy they want when they live on their own......my house, my rules.
My Mom was the same way,and though we had are problems I knew then like, I know now(36) that if I have a problem I can go to her about anything. To the OP you did the right thing about taking things away from her, I would personaly get a backgroung check on the guy to make sure she was not exposed to anything bad(she does not need to know you are doing this). If he really is a nice guy then the would not have encourged her to come visit without meeting her family first (any guy at any age for that matter) . I hope all goes well with your daughter, its gonna be a long road but in the end she will know that you love her.
The guy could be just a nice guy, those relationships happens all the time, but with laws they have now, those relationships are kept secret. If they really love one another, I would have no problem with the relationship. Maybe you need to talk about it and trying to learn about this guy, be open minded without judging him. He might one day be your son-in-law.
Nice, normal MEN don't get involved with 16 year olds AND entice a child to leave home without telling their parents.
I personally believe your daughter has shown poor enough judgement that you have a responsibility to be making sure she isn't still contacting this man. In fact I would be tempted to hire someone big and nasty to go and pay a personal visit to the guy.
This guy wanted your daughter for one reason only, it wasn't her sparkling conversation, it was SEX and thats it.
Keep in mind that when she is at a friends house, at school almost anywhere she could still be in contact with this idiot. I think you would be advised to do some research into who this man is, his name, his criminal record etc. so you know everything there is to know about him. A powerful motivator to keep him away from your daughter might be that you will inform him employer of his actions with a minor.
Protect your daughter, take any steps you have to. I speak as a person who was attacked by the Father of a friend when I was 16. Do everything you can to protect her. The effects of what that man did to me, are still there even today.
You have the right to take the photos and the computer and her makeup and favorite clothes and her freedom and her phone and car and every damn little thing you want to take away! Ask my daughter, she was a holy terror from 13 on. Today she is 25 married with a 2 week old baby. I had to be tough or she could have ended up in a much different situation. You are the mother, stand up and make some solid rules. They call it toughlove. My daughter HATED me many times over and I never thought I was going to make it till she turned 18. She would do so many things that would get her in trouble, I finally said I HAVE HAD IT. Life at home got really tough. Today she tells me how happy she is that I did not let her run wild. Hang in there, she needs for you to be tough and provide more love then ever. Alot of teens say they don't feel enough love so they look for it in a man. Try to do girl things together more often. Movies, getting your hair or nails done, baking, crafts, a day at the mall, laughing and joking together.Trust me they really enjoy being with mom. Let her know she is very loved.
Location: Moved to town. Miss 'my' woods and critters.
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Counseling center where i once worked, used the 'Tough Love' system at times, depending upon the situation. You might 'google' Tough Love and gather information that might be of use to you. Good Luck to you and your family.
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Let her know she is very loved.
