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We do have a swing but again, he falls asleep in my arms. I put him down (bassinet, crib, swing) he is up in 5-10 min. So lots of cat naps, no real sleep.
He almost never cries but yes, he does drink his milk fast, like 2-3 oz under 5 min. I have all kinds of bottles and nipples. We like the current one but I think it is just too fast.
And we also swaddle him and everything but that gives us 15 min max. In the evening, and night tho, he sleeps 3-4 hours stretches
My first child didn't sleep. Like seriously- this kid DID NOT SLEEP. Kiddo was awake 8-12 hours at a time and almost never napped consistently. The kiddo wasn't fussy or crying- just awake and always looking around. At the first few check-ups I talked extensively with the pediatrician about the lack of sleeping and napping and got a shrug and was told, "Some babies just don't sleep that much". This went on for about a year. My kiddo just wasn't interested in being asleep and wanted to interact a lot. I finally learned to accept it and live with it and just did what I had to do; the baby slept on me, on dad, on auntie, etc. That's just the way it was.
So, OP, I feel your pain. Look, most babies are going to want to be held A LOT. I would suggest investing in a baby wearing device of some sort so you can at least get some stuff done.
Oh, and look into something called "The 45-Minute Intruder". Babies taking little cat naps are not anything new. The best thing to remember is that this is all temporary....even though it feels endless.
Honestly, I did not. But I also didn’t judge him for his income or lack of one. He said dating was hard because girls were judging him on his current job and not willing to hear his plans and he was working on. i also used to always pay for certain expenses without him knowing (so he doesn’t feel bad). I encouraged him to finish college and apply for a better job.
But I admit, I didn't do as much as he did for me. So, my question here was: did he stop loving me and stop doing these things?
I give up, OP. But, one last time (if you care to salvage this).
Did he stop loving you? Only he can answer that question. Have a calm conversation about it without recriminations. It's very possible he may still love you, but it's very likely that he doesn't feel very "loving" toward you right now. But then you don't come across as very loving toward him right now, either.
I give up, OP. But, one last time (if you care to salvage this).
Did he stop loving you? Only he can answer that question. Have a calm conversation about it without recriminations. It's very possible he may still love you, but it's very likely that he doesn't feel very "loving" toward you right now. But then you don't come across as very loving toward him right now, either.
Why are you frustrated with me? Someone asked what I did for him. I replied and while I acknowledge I did or didn’t do enough, my concern right now is how he feels about me.
I already spoke with him long time ago. He says he still loves me but when actions speak otherwise, I get confused. Add to that hormones or depression, it is hard to know.
Of course, only he will know the answer and possibly only time will tell, but it is hard to patiently wait for some better times while feeling lonely and isolated with a newborn.
Just wanted to hear if I am exaggerating or being too much. In other words, other people’s opinion and perspective, especially from their own experiences after they had a newborn.
Honestly, I did not. But I also didn’t judge him for his income or lack of one. He said dating was hard because girls were judging him on his current job and not willing to hear his plans and he was working on. i also used to always pay for certain expenses without him knowing (so he doesn’t feel bad). I encouraged him to finish college and apply for a better job.
But I admit, I didn't do as much as he did for me. So, my question here was: did he stop loving me and stop doing these things?
He was chasing you with the massages, breakfast in bed, cooking your favorite meals, etc.
The chase is over.
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 09-03-2021 at 02:49 AM..
Once met a couple who had been married, and divorced a number of times, five maybe. I forget.
What I do remember is that she said she enjoyed dancing, and when they were courting, he danced up a storm. Once she said, "I do," he quite dancing. Literally, at the reception. Wouldn't dance.
Apparently, he did not enjoy dancing, and admitted he only did it to make her happy.
She pointed out she still liked to be happy.
He pointed out that happy or not, she was going home with him.
Why are you frustrated with me? Someone asked what I did for him. I replied and while I acknowledge I did or didn’t do enough, my concern right now is how he feels about me.
I already spoke with him long time ago. He says he still loves me but when actions speak otherwise, I get confused. Add to that hormones or depression, it is hard to know.
Of course, only he will know the answer and possibly only time will tell, but it is hard to patiently wait for some better times while feeling lonely and isolated with a newborn.
Just wanted to hear if I am exaggerating or being too much. In other words, other people’s opinion and perspective, especially from their own experiences after they had a newborn.
Good for you.
Always a wise move to get the perspectives of others, and how what you are experiencing fits into the wider scheme of things.
Your feelings are your feelings. Doesn't make any difference if they are exaggerated or not. It's how you feel. So glad your Mom is coming. You need someone to love on you for awhile. Any chance she can get there early?
In general, women and men all go through roughly seven-year phases, but rarely in sync. In their twenties and thirties, men are often focused on careers, establishing their work identity. They often don't get to the family focused phase until about forty. This phase is typically twenties and thirties for women.
Love also goes through phases. Justice Sandra Day O'Connor once told a reporter who asked what it was like to see her husband, who by then was living in a memory care unit and no longer recognized her, what it was like to see him holding hands with another one of the residents.
She told him was glad to see that he had someone to share this last part of his journey with, that he wasn't alone, that old love is different than young love.
I think she's right. And I think middle love is different as well.
My first child didn't sleep. Like seriously- this kid DID NOT SLEEP. Kiddo was awake 8-12 hours at a time and almost never napped consistently. The kiddo wasn't fussy or crying- just awake and always looking around. At the first few check-ups I talked extensively with the pediatrician about the lack of sleeping and napping and got a shrug and was told, "Some babies just don't sleep that much". This went on for about a year. My kiddo just wasn't interested in being asleep and wanted to interact a lot. I finally learned to accept it and live with it and just did what I had to do; the baby slept on me, on dad, on auntie, etc. That's just the way it was.
So, OP, I feel your pain. Look, most babies are going to want to be held A LOT. I would suggest investing in a baby wearing device of some sort so you can at least get some stuff done.
Oh, and look into something called "The 45-Minute Intruder". Babies taking little cat naps are not anything new. The best thing to remember is that this is all temporary....even though it feels endless.
The cuddly, snuggly baby phase is over in a heartbeat. Blink, and they are running all over the place, getting into everything, and she'll long for these days.
I second investing in some comfortable baby packs for the both of them. Babies are constantly readjusting their heads in a pack which helps develop their vestibular system.
Honestly, I did not. But I also didn’t judge him for his income or lack of one. He said dating was hard because girls were judging him on his current job and not willing to hear his plans and he was working on. i also used to always pay for certain expenses without him knowing (so he doesn’t feel bad). I encouraged him to finish college and apply for a better job.
But I admit, I didn't do as much as he did for me. So, my question here was: did he stop loving me and stop doing these things?
Him being too busy with a new job/new baby to give you massages and bring you breakfast in bed does not indicate he doesn't love you, any more than the fact that you never offered him massages or similar gestures means that you never loved him. Love is shown in lots of ways and that may evolve over time. He's working hard at a new job to better himself and provide for his family (love.) He makes you dinner (love.)
During high stress points in a relationship (i.e. there's a newborn in the house we are taking care of and I have a really stressful new job I'm working my butt off to be great at!) you may find neither of you has the time or energy for some of the things that were fun when you were single and first dating. I mean, how many times since the baby was born have you offered him a massage? How many times since the baby was born have you brought him breakfast in bed? If you started laughing when you read that because of course you are incredibly exhausted and stressed and giving him a massage is the last thing on your mind--you want to sleep(!) then understand your partner is in exactly the same place. It has nothing to do with loving you or not loving you. You guys have added several huge new stressors to the relationship--GOOD things, a wonderful baby and a solid new job, but things that will require an adjustment in expectations.
OP, has your doctor evaluated you for post-partum depression?
Him being too busy with a new job/new baby to give you massages and bring you breakfast in bed does not indicate he doesn't love you, any more than the fact that you never offered him massages or similar gestures means that you never loved him. Love is shown in lots of ways and that may evolve over time. He's working hard at a new job to better himself and provide for his family (love.) He makes you dinner (love.)
During high stress points in a relationship (i.e. there's a newborn in the house we are taking care of and I have a really stressful new job I'm working my butt off to be great at!) you may find neither of you has the time or energy for some of the things that were fun when you were single and first dating. I mean, how many times since the baby was born have you offered him a massage? How many times since the baby was born have you brought him breakfast in bed? If you started laughing when you read that because of course you are incredibly exhausted and stressed and giving him a massage is the last thing on your mind--you want to sleep(!) then understand your partner is in exactly the same place. It has nothing to do with loving you or not loving you. You guys have added several huge new stressors to the relationship--GOOD things, a wonderful baby and a solid new job, but things that will require an adjustment in expectations.
OP, has your doctor evaluated you for post-partum depression?
Thank you for your input. No, between doing interviews for a new job and baby appointments , I missed my two appointments. I don’t think I have PPD but I do have “baby blues.” At least that is my self-diagnosis. It gets better once we go for a walk and do something together. Yesterday we went for a walk as a family, I told my boyfriend I feel lonely. He seemed surprised but then he told me we could do get away weekend once my mom is here. Hopefully that will give us some much needed closeness and a break.
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