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I am childless by choice, but I always looked at it this way: a newborn only requires that you feed it, change it, and love it. You get some confidence with that and then they add other things like crawling, walking, terrible twos, puberty, etc. But it’s a gradual progression.
I am childless by choice, but I always looked at it this way: a newborn only requires that you feed it, change it, and love it. You get some confidence with that and then they add other things like crawling, walking, terrible twos, puberty, etc. But it’s a gradual progression.
So true. But this is why the second child is (usually) easier than the first, and the third is even easier. You now have experience and know what you're doing.
I've always thought it was a shame that so many people have a difficult time with their first baby and refuse to have another one, because it was "so hard." Take it from me, it'll never be that hard again.
Raising kids is extremely difficult and time-consuming (meaning the time you have to devote to them for their utmost benefit takes hours per day, and if you have to work, it's that much more difficult).
Think about it, seriously.
Do you enjoy noise and chaos, problems, worries, and responsibilities?
It's just the fact that when you become a parent, you have another human being who is completely dependent on you. How you raise this child usually determines how they are as adults.
Sometimes I feel like I can barely take care of my own and I find doing so exhausting; just working, paying bills, having enough money for anything, keeping track of important documents, paperwork, cooking, cleaning, etc. At the end of the day, I feel so tired like I wouldn't even have enough energy or will drive to take care of children as well.
And how do you even know you are parenting the "right way"? Do you just go with the flow and learn as you go? As I sit down and think about it all, it all overwhelms me.
And there are times where I also feel like forcing someone's existence just because I wanted to have kids is in a way, selfish. I mean, humans have been having kids since we came around but it's still not something to take lightly. It's a huge deal to devote your time and energy to raising another person.
Aside from various reading material I could suggest, just start watching the reruns of "The Walton's".
The show was set in the Great Depression, yet like many families back then, were large with 8 children, and two Grandparents living with them to boot. They did not live on any social assistance from the government, yet managed to live, love, and prosper despite what seemed like overwhelming odds.
Thus if you have the obligatory 2.3 kids to at least meet the criteria of sustaining our American culture, you and all of us will be the better for it.
You kind of seem like you’re in a dream world. To wish you could just be rich and stay home is an odd way to be thinking especially as a man. Sounds like you need to find a rich young woman who will allow this. You’re not even sure you want to be parent but then say you want 4 kids. 4 kids is a lot these days.
Sorry if I sound harsh but this is the parenting forum.
Hmmm.... but it's okay for a woman to think they could just be rich and stay home.
But when I was having kids, it was what young married women did. Most of my generation wanted families, and were not childfree by choice. Many childless couples tried very hard to conceive. So, it is hard to relate attitudes in the 1970s to attitudes today.
I do think many younger folks have trouble starting their lives because of costs, and having children is costly. If you are single, you will have a hard time figuring out how to live comfortably with a child. And many younger folks take awhile to find partners. Things have been progressively changing every decade, and are far different than they were 45 years ago. So, I get why our national birth rate continually falls.
But honestly when I read the reasons people typically give for deliberately forgoing parenthood, I sense selfishness. I sense a fear of responsibility. I also sense a fear of bearing a disabled or less than perfect child, with all the extra responsibilities that entails. So, there are fear and selfishness entwined in people’s emotions, I think. I do think that people who do not want to parent, should not have children.
I also think that birth control pills should be available OTC, the same as aspirin, for any woman who wants them.
If the OP wants to parent, by all means she should pursue that if she is in a good place to do so. You learn to parent by being a parent, frankly. And the intense love you feel for the tiny little one your body has nurtured for 9 months will be what gets you through the first months, and into toddlerhood, with all its magic.
...
But honestly when I read the reasons people typically give for deliberately forgoing parenthood, I sense selfishness. I sense a fear of responsibility. I also sense a fear of bearing a disabled or less than perfect child, with all the extra responsibilities that entails. So, there are fear and selfishness entwined in people’s emotions, I think. I do think that people who do not want to parent, should not have children.
....
This being the parenting forum, this childfree by choice/no regrets woman of 68 will refrain from the same dull discussion that I am selfish or fearful etc. Just weary of it.
I don't wanna. Just don't wanna. And there are many of us who are anything but selfish or fearful.
But when I was having kids, it was what young married women did. Most of my generation wanted families, and were not childfree by choice. Many childless couples tried very hard to conceive. So, it is hard to relate attitudes in the 1970s to attitudes today.
I do think many younger folks have trouble starting their lives because of costs, and having children is costly. If you are single, you will have a hard time figuring out how to live comfortably with a child. And many younger folks take awhile to find partners. Things have been progressively changing every decade, and are far different than they were 45 years ago. So, I get why our national birth rate continually falls.
But honestly when I read the reasons people typically give for deliberately forgoing parenthood, I sense selfishness. I sense a fear of responsibility. I also sense a fear of bearing a disabled or less than perfect child, with all the extra responsibilities that entails. So, there are fear and selfishness entwined in people’s emotions, I think. I do think that people who do not want to parent, should not have children.
I also think that birth control pills should be available OTC, the same as aspirin, for any woman who wants them.
If the OP wants to parent, by all means she should pursue that if she is in a good place to do so. You learn to parent by being a parent, frankly. And the intense love you feel for the tiny little one your body has nurtured for 9 months will be what gets you through the first months, and into toddlerhood, with all its magic.
If someone calls you "selfish" for being childfree, simply ask them why they decided to have children. The answer will usually begin with "I wanted ..."
If someone calls you "selfish" for being childfree, simply ask them why they decided to have children. The answer will usually begin with "I wanted ..."
Yes. Or a blank stare.
But I didn't want to bring that discussion here to a parenting forum, where I consider myself more a guest than a participant.
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How you raise this child usually determines how they are as adults. 
