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It's just the fact that when you become a parent, you have another human being who is completely dependent on you. How you raise this child usually determines how they are as adults.
Sometimes I feel like I can barely take care of my own and I find doing so exhausting; just working, paying bills, having enough money for anything, keeping track of important documents, paperwork, cooking, cleaning, etc. At the end of the day, I feel so tired like I wouldn't even have enough energy or will drive to take care of children as well.
And how do you even know you are parenting the "right way"? Do you just go with the flow and learn as you go? As I sit down and think about it all, it all overwhelms me.
And there are times where I also feel like forcing someone's existence just because I wanted to have kids is in a way, selfish. I mean, humans have been having kids since we came around but it's still not something to take lightly. It's a huge deal to devote your time and energy to raising another person.
The first thing I noticed was that in your post you do not mention being married or in a relationship. I know there are single parents who "do it all" (and I respect but do not idealize them), but being a single parent by choice is not something I would ever have considered, and for the exact reason you mentioned: it's too much for one person. It's also not fair to the child, who deserves to have two parents and not to have much of their care either neglected or outsourced because their one parent is overwhelmed. If you are single and struggling just to take care of yourself, that's a good sign that you should not even consider bringing a child into the picture.
Beyond that, there is no one "right way to parent." Parents are all different and children are different, too. Take on the burden of "doing everything the right way" and parents set themselves up for frustration and failure. What you do is read a lot, ask a lot of questions, and observe other parents. Then figure out what works for you and your child, which may or may not be what works for another parent and their child. This doesn't happen all in a day or before the baby is even here, so you don't have to have everything figured out from the beginning.
Yes, having kids is a lot of work and worry. Yes, it's a big deal. It's not for everyone.
Like everything else in life, you are thinking about it a little too much. Everyone gets a little scared at first, but then the baby arrives and the decisions are made. Most people make a good job as parents and the kids grow up normal. Not a single parent had a "How to Rear" instruction booklet, I can guarantee you that.
bottom line is yeah, it's far from easy. It is emotionally and physically draining. Having kids earlier in life is better when you are young physically but better when you are older emotionally (you have more emotionaly stability). You make the time and you get it done. How? You prioritize your kid. Meaning that many times, your house goes unclean and bills are sent in a bit late, and you get less sleep, your career sometimes suffers, you get junk takeout more often and get heavier, etc. You might find that you are stronger than you thought simply because you have to be, you will have no choice, and if you are not strong, you will have to get stronger, again - you will have no choice. It's all a balance and a journey and it's only life. It is better if you have family who is willing to help (we did not and are still alive!). And it is an easier decision if you have a strong relationship with your partner.
You'll be on your death bed before you know it. And remember - it's all about priorities.
Learn as you go. We all F our kids up in some way (that's what therapy is for!) because we are imperfect too. Just be the best you can be.
Lots more to say but I'll leave it there. Best of luck with whatever you decide.
The thing about being a parent too is that you never stop worrying. Some people seem to think it ends at 18 or 21, when someone gets married, etc but it never does.
It's just the fact that when you become a parent, you have another human being who is completely dependent on you. How you raise this child usually determines how they are as adults.
Sometimes I feel like I can barely take care of my own and I find doing so exhausting; just working, paying bills, having enough money for anything, keeping track of important documents, paperwork, cooking, cleaning, etc. At the end of the day, I feel so tired like I wouldn't even have enough energy or will drive to take care of children as well.
And how do you even know you are parenting the "right way"? Do you just go with the flow and learn as you go? As I sit down and think about it all, it all overwhelms me.
And there are times where I also feel like forcing someone's existence just because I wanted to have kids is in a way, selfish. I mean, humans have been having kids since we came around but it's still not something to take lightly. It's a huge deal to devote your time and energy to raising another person.
If that's how you feel, forego the childbearing and -raising. Is this very hypothetical, or do you have a partner with whom you're considering having kids? If you have a partner, could the two of you together be able to afford some in-home help of one sort or another?
Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done. I had great parents and didn't have a worry in the world when my kids were born. Unfortunately, my marriage didn't last and I was a single mom for many years with no child support.
When you have kids you don't have much time to worry about 'if' you are doing things right. Things happen and you do the best you can. No one is the perfect parent. I think kids these days put a lot of blame on their parents for everything. Maybe that is why so many people now don't want to have kids - they know they won't measure up.
I wouldn't change having my kids for anything but I understand why some people don't want to. It is a lot of work and it is very expensive.
I applaud your insight and foresight, OP. Better to think it through than have a couple of kids and then regretting it.
Remember, time and circumstance may change your mind. Personally, I do not have bios, but do have step. Time and circumstance.
No matter what you decide and when, I wish you my best.
Maybe you should think about if you really do want kids. You certainly don't have to have them.
ABSOLUTELY!
Kids are NOT for everyone, just like college isn't either, doubly so now in the wake of COVID! The sooner our society realized and embraced that, the better off we'd be.
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