Sending your kid with friends you don’t know well (party, parents)

[A New Day]

My middle school daughter has made some new friends this school year. One invited her to a sleepover party three weeks after they met, and I declined since I hadn’t met the girl or her parents.

This week, my daughter had a friend I’ve never heard of volunteer her mom to drive my daughter with her to go to a fun event. Once I saw the girl’s pic, I realized she looks slightly familiar, but we don’t even know their last name.

When they were little, the moms and kids would meet up, so I got to know the mom. After that, I felt like I knew the families well enough, so my kids would be allowed for get-together without me. That was pretty typical, but not she’s a little old for that.

I’m wondering how others handle the situation with new friends you don’t really know and allowing their kid to go do things with them.

[SnazzyB]

I would ask your daughter to see if she can get the phone number of the mom, so you can call and introduce yourself. Just explain to your daughter you'd have peace of mind, to just be able to talk to the friend's mom, and have the number in case of an emergency.

[wac_432]

Does your daughter have a phone?

I would ask for the parent's phone number and then call them about the details of the outing as SnazzyB said.

[Texas Ag 93]

I have 15 and 12 yo daughter's and agree with the previous posters. This is what I do in similar situations:

1. Get the other Mom's number and text her to introduce myself and get details.
2. Walk my kid to the other kid's porch or car (if they are picking her up) to say hello.
3. Touch base with my kid via text once or twice and may check my tracking app to verify they're where they said they'd be.
4. If it's a sleepover (which doesn't happen often), I remind them to be cautious around any males that might be present.

At this age, you need to accept the reality that they will start doing things socially with kids you don't know and just trust their judgment about who they're hanging around with (assuming they've given you no reason not to).

[Stagemomma]

Rather than limit your daughter's ability to socialize, I think you have to go out of your way to meet these parents/kids before these events if you don't feel comfortable. It's just the nature of middle/high school to not know who your kids are hanging out with and it will only get worse. are you going to keep her at home for the next 6 years because you haven't met anyone?

On one hand you sound a little paranoid to me. On the other hand, my daughter once went to a sleepover and ended up getting into a car with the mother who drove them bowling after she had been drinking. Now, me meeting the mom in advance was not going to prevent that, but I sure was ticked off!

[A New Day]

Originally Posted by Stagemomma

Rather than limit your daughter's ability to socialize, I think you have to go out of your way to meet these parents/kids before these events if you don't feel comfortable. It's just the nature of middle/high school to not know who your kids are hanging out with and it will only get worse. are you going to keep her at home for the next 6 years because you haven't met anyone?

On one hand you sound a little paranoid to me. On the other hand, my daughter once went to a sleepover and ended up getting into a car with the mother who drove them bowling after she had been drinking. Now, me meeting the mom in advance was not going to prevent that, but I sure was ticked off!

I can get why it sounds paranoid. This is not my oldest kid, and I haven’t really had concerns so much with the other ones. Part of it is this kid is picking up lots of friends all over the place, and it’s hard to keep up. Part of it is that she isn’t always compliant on things. She will probably get a phone in the summer. She argues with me on lots of things and expects to be allowed to do whatever she wants. She does get to see friends, but a few of the new ones, I’m not super comfy with. She has three social things this weekend, one of which is a sleepover party, so she isn’t being isolated. She has some friends that aren’t allowed to do any sleepovers, so being selective on overnight gatherings is not unheard of.

[A New Day]

Originally Posted by Texas Ag 93

I have 15 and 12 yo daughter's and agree with the previous posters. This is what I do in similar situations:

1. Get the other Mom's number and text her to introduce myself and get details.
2. Walk my kid to the other kid's porch or car (if they are picking her up) to say hello.
3. Touch base with my kid via text once or twice and may check my tracking app to verify they're where they said they'd be.
4. If it's a sleepover (which doesn't happen often), I remind them to be cautious around any males that might be present.

At this age, you need to accept the reality that they will start doing things socially with kids you don't know and just trust their judgment about who they're hanging around with (assuming they've given you no reason not to).

Thanks
This is helpful.
We haven’t gotten her a phone yet, since we don’t think she’d handle it responsibly, but we’ve discussed getting a “dumb” phone for things like this.

[G-fused]

That isn't unusual in my experience. We also knew parents a lot better when our kids were young because they were all too young to be unsupervised so parents were always there. As kids get older their parents don't meet anymore. It bothered my wife too, and me to a lesser extent. It was a transition of knowing the parents to talking with the parents on the phone and keeping in touch with our kids every couple of hrs and then to letting them be. So yeah, sound normal to me and at this stage, I would talk to the parents at the very least with a sleepover thing and your kid needs to have a way to contact you and must respond if you contact them. Our kid's first sleepover did not work out so it was good that he had a way of getting a hold of us. Your kid is growing up so this is one of the stages where you celebrate and sob.

Best of luck.

[CCS414]

If you're not comfortable with it then go ahead and call and introduce yourself. Follow your parental insticts and dont listen to the should I or shouldnt I voice in your head.

[DubbleT]

Originally Posted by Texas Ag 93

I have 15 and 12 yo daughter's and agree with the previous posters. This is what I do in similar situations:

1. Get the other Mom's number and text her to introduce myself and get details.
2. Walk my kid to the other kid's porch or car (if they are picking her up) to say hello.
3. Touch base with my kid via text once or twice and may check my tracking app to verify they're where they said they'd be.
4. If it's a sleepover (which doesn't happen often), I remind them to be cautious around any males that might be present.

At this age, you need to accept the reality that they will start doing things socially with kids you don't know and just trust their judgment about who they're hanging around with (assuming they've given you no reason not to).

I mostly agree with this, except it's not just males to be wary of, anyone that feels 'off' or makes your child feel uncomfortable should be paid attention to.
Also you might consider becoming one of those parents who volunteers and/ or attends school concerts, plays, sporting events, etc, if you don't already. You will meet other parents and students, and that can help you feel more comfortable about letting your daughter participate in social activities.