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Hi people.
This is not an easy thing to write l've seen many times around forums vulnerable type threads turn into shytshows. Too often end up all being thrown back in the op's face or the op ends up spending 3/4 of the thread defending themselves over misunderstandings. .
So you know , if you don't wanna appreciate this situation and be nice then best go play somewhere else.
My daughters 21 and has had a terrible run with guys and bf's.They don't stick around or fade off or turn all wishy woshy. And l don't say this as her dad but as a male, yet she's a very special girl with so much depth and old soul, a kind heart and fantastic to talk to. Nice looking and l tell you what, if a worthy guy came along she'd be the best partner he'd be finding , it's just how she is.
But we just dk how to advise anymore when something else hits the fan.
The young guys are so different now and everythings sm or date sites, fast, text, Things for her and a lot of her friends just don't happen the way they use to and the guys mostly just aren't that way either.
Seems friendships too are mostly just cheap instant and throw away crap like everything else.
She has met or had a few males friends over the yrs that were really into her and would've been real and hopefully a great partner, almost like old school 20yrs olds .
Unfortunately though she just hasn't felt that way.
l mean l know, only 21, plenty of time yeah. But it would be so nice if at least one thing turned out 1/2 real , half decent, at least lasted a few yrs and didn't end up with her being hurt, again..
At 21 I would advise her to go out and have fun. Date casually get to know how the opposite sex thinks. Most men at that age are too immature, not settled or serious enough about career and future. Trying to have a serious relationship with someone that age is generally a heartbreak for a woman looking fo a meaningful relationship. Not to say there isn’t an exception to every rule, but most people experience heartbreak at least once or twice before they find the right person. People can be manipulative to get what they want, they play a great game, the ones that are good at it fool a woman with their charm. That age group is also vulnerable to the charms of others even when they’re dating steady. You can explain to people these things happen but if you haven’t experienced it you don’t really believe it. I’d tell her to get to know her dates well. To let them show her who they are. People reveal themselves over time, usually in short order with youth. Sometimes meeting people who aren’t exactly right is the way you find out what you want and deserve in life. Not to settle. Continue to be strong independent learn and experience what interests her. Her growth is never wasted. She has many years to find her mate who is worthy of her. Enjoy the process it will happen.
Does she still live at home? Did she or is she attending college?
Do you live in a small town or larger area? I ask because I often wonder how people in small town areas find partners. How does she meet people? Maybe she needs to expand her horizons a bit?
At 21 I would advise her to go out and have fun. Date casually get to know how the opposite sex thinks. Most men at that age are too immature, not settled or serious enough about career and future. Trying to have a serious relationship with someone that age is generally a heartbreak for a woman looking fo a meaningful relationship. Not to say there isn’t an exception to every rule, but most people experience heartbreak at least once or twice before they find the right person. People can be manipulative to get what they want, they play a great game, the ones that are good at it fool a woman with their charm. That age group is also vulnerable to the charms of others even when they’re dating steady. You can explain to people these things happen but if you haven’t experienced it you don’t really believe it. I’d tell her to get to know her dates well. To let them show her who they are. People reveal themselves over time, usually in short order with youth. Sometimes meeting people who aren’t exactly right is the way you find out what you want and deserve in life. Not to settle. Continue to be strong independent learn and experience what interests her. Her growth is never wasted. She has many years to find her mate who is worthy of her. Enjoy the process it will happen.
Thanks for that and yeah l fully agree but unfortunately at 21 , well , you know.
We've tried to explain all those things and more butttt, sadly to no avail.
She did really try it all too with the last one. He was really good to her, kind and really seemed to care about her, def' not the play around type,she moved slowly, he seemed good even to me and that's a big ask. 6mths later , he wants out too.
lt's really strange some of the friends she's grown up with and that aren't tbh even very nice girls at all some of them and yet have had steady bf's for yrs.
Doesn't help that is for sure. l usually say but yeah , ok now maybe but they won't last being together since 16 17.Meanwhile you'll be finding that right person later on.
Does she still live at home? Did she or is she attending college?
Do you live in a small town or larger area? I ask because I often wonder how people in small town areas find partners. How does she meet people? Maybe she needs to expand her horizons a bit?
Nah she's been out awhile now , but that wasn't easy either there's serious rental shortages here.
It is well , smallish , butttt, l grew up in a city of 6million and they've all had a much nicer growing up and social life than me. There's plenty of people about scattered far and wide and she travels about and goes away a lot too.
There's never a shortage of interest butttt, it all goes the same way.
lt's really sad for a dad. Even l was with somebody 3 yrs at her age back then but nothing with all these guys she meets. The main one lasted a yr or so and to begin he was really good but even he went sth.
At that age I do remember the time in between boyfriends always seemed long, making you feel terrible. All she can really do is keep busy doing things that give her the most joy as possible. I think what’s going wrong with her boyfriends is just youth. The twenties is a decade of growth especially for women as we seem to be ready we’ll before young men to settle down. She may just be discontented with life in general it’s hard to get excited when life is boring. Maybe a trip somewhere or a job in a field where there’s more young people. A bar/ restaurant is a fun place to work for the young.
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