Are Kids Mature Enough at 18 To Go Away to College?

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by Lizap

I’ll have keep saying this over and over - great parenting does not ALWAYS result in responsible adult children..

Of course not... how many irresponsible ADULTS do you know? probably thousands, including your boss, spouse, political leaders... Each journey is unique. We prepare our youth for just such uniqueness, (including behavior and academic and career choices) as do nuturing mammals of other species. You never know what is lurking, better to be prepared (from a young age). Kids of age 10+ are making very important decisions in their choices of friends, food, clothes, time and financial management. Absent of 100% parental controls. Nice for your kid to have established their foundational values and decision tree by age 4-5. 18 is a tad too late. Many kids are in reform school LONG before age 18 (when they go to prision as an adult). They may have had excellent parents, but there was a choice or circumstance to make a wrong decision.

Originally Posted by MrRational

Okay. But pls quantify "not always"

Meanwhile... I'll take the inverse view:
a) Responsible young adults aren't 'children' any longer; and
b) Responsible young adults are nearly always a direct result of their parenting; and
c) The evidence is apparent LONG before Johnny or Susie will even apply for college.

True... as a parent, your 'nurturing / advising / helicoptering' is DONE long before age 18, hopefully long before age 16 (If you allow Johnny to drive a lethal vehicle)

Originally Posted by MrRational

If they aren't ... it's all their parents fault.
Feel free to continue the discussion from that point.

or ""If they aren't ... it (may or may not) be their parents fault.

We do our part, sometimes we (parents or kids) fail.

College is so, so EASY time of life. Especially if mommy is paying (Maybe too easy)

If your kid still needs to grow up at age 18, college might not be the right course to correct that. As a PT prof, I could do with a lot less 'babysitting', which fortunately I seldom have to deal with. (I only teach upper level and mostly working / married / responsible adults).

Don't pass off your parenting, you might not be impressed with the results.

[jmgg]

Originally Posted by lhpartridge

Some parents are selfish and unloving.

In my case, I had heard "As long as you live under my roof, you'll obey my rules!" enough times that not long after I turned 18, I got myself another roof.

To hear that constantly would definitely be a motivator to quickly earn enough money to move out. Was that what your folks were thinking?

They still allowed you to stay though to get on your feet. There are a lot of ways to get kids to mature, and that was one, not so subtle way.

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by jmgg

To hear that constantly would definitely be a motivator to quickly earn enough money to move out. Was that what your folks were thinking?

They still allowed you to stay though to get on your feet. There are a lot of ways to get kids to mature, and that was one, not so subtle way.

@ age 16 my mom said I could stay for $400 / month, or she would make a great recommendation on the Mobile home down the road for $300 / month (Plus must work on the Dairy Farm). I'd had enough of that at Dairy Farm Boarding school, so I found my own way. (Lived in the back of my 1949 Dodge pickup with a plywood camper, in a COLD climate). By age 18 I was my parents caregiver. I was well prepared for that, as I prepared my own kids to do, just in case the 'unexpected' happened. (health crisis in their case)

I know a lot of grandparents raising the children of their adult kid who did not turn out so well.

Kids are forever, so get it right if you can. (unlikely perfect, but 'adequate' is very possible)

[toobusytoday]

Mod, please open after reviewing. This seems a topic better suited to parenting then education.