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I'm a dad. Tonight I lost my temper at my children in a way that was inappropriate and hurtful. I screamed at them. I don't mean yelled, I mean screamed. One of them wouldn't come out of her room, and I pounded on the door once, while yelling, before going back downstairs.
I think it was worse than I'm making it sound. I really lost it. My kids were crying.
I feel very guilty, especially about the pounding on the door which I feel crossed the line into physical intimidation. I worry that I have damaged my relationship with my kids, and that they will not longer trust me to be the sweet and loving father that I try to be. I love my kids very much; they are the most important thing in the world to me.
I am wondering about a couple of things. First, how bad is this? What kind of damage can I have done to my relationship with them? And what if anything can I do to make it right?
I want to know the truth, and I want to know what I can do. Please don't sugar-coat your responses or try to make me feel better about myself. That's not my goal here.
When i was growing up, I never saw my dad lose it. You could tell when he was mad but he never yelled or screamed. My mom was usually the one to make a big deal, but I don't think she screamed.
I would probably sit down with them and apologize. Is there something else going on that made you lose it or you just felt that mad at them? People usually yell when things are out of their control. Sounds like you don't lose your temper at them often?
In a meaningful way. With all the remorse and humility that you shared in this post.
I'm so sorry that I lost my temper and yelled at you and I'm even more sorry that I pounded on the door because I think that was crossing the line and physically intimidating. There is no excuse for my behavior and you did not deserve that level of wrath and anger. I am embarrassed and feel very badly and most of all, I am sorry that I hurt and scared you.
No excuses. No "comma but". No "If you hadn't have..." Just name it as a loss of your cool and recognize how scary it must have been (even if they deny this) and say the "I'm sorry" words.
This can be such a learning moment for you all. Take a breath and forgive yourself too.
In a meaningful way. With all the remorse and humility that you shared in this post.
I'm so sorry that I lost my temper and yelled at you and I'm even more sorry that I pounded on the door because I think that was crossing the line and physically intimidating. There is no excuse for my behavior and you did not deserve that level of wrath and anger. I am embarrassed and feel very badly and most of all, I am sorry that I hurt and scared you.
No excuses. No "comma but". No "If you hadn't have..." Just name it as a loss of your cool and recognize how scary it must have been (even if they deny this) and say the "I'm sorry" words.
This can be such a learning moment for you all. Take a breath and forgive yourself too.
Thank you for this compassionate and helpful advice. I am going to do exactly this. My kids are 5 and 7. I very, very seldom lose my temper with them and have never done so to this extent.
Thank you for this compassionate and helpful advice. I am going to do exactly this. My kids are 5 and 7. I very, very seldom lose my temper with them and have never done so to this extent.
My great grandkids who stay with us on the weekends are 5 and 7 also. They can be a handful at that age. I'm glad they are not here all week.....lol. Good advise from the other posters.
If this is the first time you've lost your temper that bad and they're that young, I think it's salvageable. Just have a talk with them and tell them that you were wrong for yelling at them. Do things to make it to them... be extra nice.. They will forget about it in time.
You apologize and use it as a teachable moment with them. It can be very simple. Just say something like, "I'm sorry I screamed at you last night. I made a mistake. That's not the way we should speak to each other or express anger. I should have done xyz. I love you."
I'm a dad. Tonight I lost my temper at my children in a way that was inappropriate and hurtful. I screamed at them. I don't mean yelled, I mean screamed. One of them wouldn't come out of her room, and I pounded on the door once, while yelling, before going back downstairs.
I think it was worse than I'm making it sound. I really lost it. My kids were crying.
I feel very guilty, especially about the pounding on the door which I feel crossed the line into physical intimidation. I worry that I have damaged my relationship with my kids, and that they will not longer trust me to be the sweet and loving father that I try to be. I love my kids very much; they are the most important thing in the world to me.
I am wondering about a couple of things. First, how bad is this? What kind of damage can I have done to my relationship with them? And what if anything can I do to make it right?
I want to know the truth, and I want to know what I can do. Please don't sugar-coat your responses or try to make me feel better about myself. That's not my goal here.
Thank you in advance for your honest input.
You gather your kids together, sit them down, and sincerely apologize to them. Acknowledge what you did and why it was innapropriate, and how you will have a plan so that you don't get mad like THAT ever again.
I'm curious OP...are you a single parent? It might be helpful to maybe find a support group, where you can share frustrations with other parents. You might make new friends, vent some steam, etc.
I would suggest just own it. Sit them down, and say flat out, "Look, I want to apologize for losing my temper. I was wrong to act that way, you deserve better. It wasn't your fault, it's other things I am dealing with, and I shouldn't be taking it out on you." etc etc.
You need to sit down and do some self-reflection and find out exactly what evoked that response. Think about the build-up to the incident and how you were feeling, and what was being said.
Next time you feel that same emotion, take a step back, a deep breath, and disengage for a few mins to think things through before continuing. Give yourself time to breathe and approach the situation with a level head and maybe from a different angle.
I wouldn't be worried about any long term damage. If every parent that ever once screamed at their kid did long term damage then everyone would be screwed. Just fix it so you don't end up escalating it and doing something that does lead to long term damage. Be a man and get control of your emotions. You are supposed to be a source of stability for your kids, they probably have enough emotional instability between figuring out their own relationships and school.
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