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I'm 42 & my husband & I don't have children. We barely make enough money to take care of ourselves let alone a child (although don't tell my in-laws that - they believe we're rolling in dough since we're childless). I don't have strangers in my business but my in-laws sure are. Since my FIL passed away last year there has been more pressure on my hubby & BIL to produce a namesake. Heaven forbid the family name die out. You'd think I married into royalty. And it's not really their last name, their father had the name of his stepfather (that I understand didn't treat him well). Now the BIL's wife is expecting & everyone is thinking & buying "boy" (although no one knows for sure what the baby's gender is). I feel sorry for the child already b/c everyone's going to be sorely disappointed if it turns out to be female. And the funny thing is, the sisters all have children & can't wait for them to grow up & move out so they can get their lives back. I guess misery loves company.
I have come to the conclusion that opinions and judgment are really just transference. Many people cannot believe others actions because they are not living their lives.
If I were you, enjoy your time with your husband and maybe between the two of you come up with a great tag line response to dumb questions about your decisions.
if you have chosen to be childless, I applaud you
i support ANYONE who chooses to be childless, everyone benefits when this level of maturity and wisdom is shown
my perception is that it is becoming more and MORE acceptable
best wishes to you, you have my support and respect
Is the OP's post for real or is it just another attempt to spark the mommy debate? I'm sorry.. I'm just having a hard time believing a total stranger, who defintiely wouldn't know whether you have kids or not (unless said stranger is a bonavide phychic), would suddenly approach you and ask about your intention to have kids (at a grocery store, no less!!). I live in Kentucky, which is a relatively conservative/bible-belt/pro family state, and even here I've never been approached by a total stranger with any kind of personal questions like that. The story just doesn't make sense.
Lately it feels like everywhere I go I get these stares when I'm with my husband, and sometimes I hear people talking about us about the face that we don't have any children. I was grocery shopping one day and a lady came up to me and asked why we didn't have any children and I told her and she said back to me, "Well, that's weird, and kinda strange." Why is that weird and strange? I do plan on having children though, I want 2. But it just seems like in the past 10 years our country has become so childcentric and all the magazines talk about parenthood and glorifing pregnancy and then there's the pregnancy pact of 17 teenage girls at the high school. Last year, according to the news, 2007 had the highest number of births on record at 4,315,000 beating the 4,300,000 set 50 years earlier in 1957 and while reports say that childlessness is increasing I don't think it is, because it hardly seems like there's any childless couples out there any more like there used to be. They say that 15% of couples are childless they make it sound like a lot, and it really isn't because then 85% do have children and that's almost all of them. I feel like I'm in the 1950s again even though I'm 28, I don't know if it's because of my age or what but it seems like in the past few years I've been getting more negative attitudes about my childlessness, people act like it's some kind of disease, and people do treat me differtnlt when I have my niece and nephew with me. When I take them to places, I get friendly smiles and nods and people open the door for me, but when I don't have them with me, people are very unfriendly to me and my husband. I've also read about the big family trend about how everyone is starting to have more than the 2 child norm. All this social and personal pressure is making me want to explode, I feel in a hurry now, like I'm waiting too long to have a child and then I'm not going to be able to have one and then I'll live a childless life all alone and then I'll be getting even more pressure and have even more people looking down on me because I'm not a mother. There is just so much pressure to have children in our society, that I think it's the cause of all the abuses in families, because people who don't want kids feel forced to have them and they don't know how to handle things correctly. Right now I feel like I need some time to myself and think, *sighs*
I think it is MORE bizarre that a perfect stranger would ask you anything about children and even more bizarre that you'd answer back. I would say with a confused look on my face, "do I know you?" What's more is that at the age of 28 you could have a 12 yr old that is at home, things like that have happened.
What I think is happening is that some people tend to be softer when you have kiddos with you and smile, etc. On the other hand, I have also gotten nasty stares by people who do not have a clue what it is like to have kids.
Honestly, I was not ready at 28, I did not marry until I was 29 and hubby and I wanted a few years alone to work, travel, leave whenever we wanted, eat ice cream at midnight, or have a drink whenever we wanted, etc. So at 5 yrs we were ready for the next phase of our marriage and that was to add another to our family and boy, did it rock our world but we did it on our own terms.
Perhaps you are being self conscious about your choice but if you are fine with it, so be it and it is not anyone else's business.
Lately it feels like everywhere I go I get these stares when I'm with my husband, and sometimes I hear people talking about us about the face that we don't have any children. I was grocery shopping one day and a lady came up to me and asked why we didn't have any children and I told her and she said back to me, "Well, that's weird, and kinda strange." Why is that weird and strange? I do plan on having children though, I want 2. But it just seems like in the past 10 years our country has become so childcentric and all the magazines talk about parenthood and glorifing pregnancy and then there's the pregnancy pact of 17 teenage girls at the high school. Last year, according to the news, 2007 had the highest number of births on record at 4,315,000 beating the 4,300,000 set 50 years earlier in 1957 and while reports say that childlessness is increasing I don't think it is, because it hardly seems like there's any childless couples out there any more like there used to be. They say that 15% of couples are childless they make it sound like a lot, and it really isn't because then 85% do have children and that's almost all of them. I feel like I'm in the 1950s again even though I'm 28, I don't know if it's because of my age or what but it seems like in the past few years I've been getting more negative attitudes about my childlessness, people act like it's some kind of disease, and people do treat me differtnlt when I have my niece and nephew with me. When I take them to places, I get friendly smiles and nods and people open the door for me, but when I don't have them with me, people are very unfriendly to me and my husband. I've also read about the big family trend about how everyone is starting to have more than the 2 child norm. All this social and personal pressure is making me want to explode, I feel in a hurry now, like I'm waiting too long to have a child and then I'm not going to be able to have one and then I'll live a childless life all alone and then I'll be getting even more pressure and have even more people looking down on me because I'm not a mother. There is just so much pressure to have children in our society, that I think it's the cause of all the abuses in families, because people who don't want kids feel forced to have them and they don't know how to handle things correctly. Right now I feel like I need some time to myself and think, *sighs*
I'll tell ya what's worse than not having kids. Not using paragraphs. Maybe this is the Darwin thing?
I have had the same thing happen to me numerous times.
It just happened to us on saturday at a car show. We saw a nice car and started up a conversation with the guy and his wife who owned the car, within the first 5 minutes was the question of is we have any kids or not, that was after he found out we were married.
It has happened many times, it has not been someone just coming up and asking, but usually after a short coversation.
I am not including the people who just ask out of curosity, that is normal, but just the ones who ask in an assuming way to make it seem abnormal for us or make some sort of snide remark about us not having kids.
Not as bad as people asking what church we go to, can't wait not to hear that question anymore.
Whenever anybody asks me a question that is really none of their business, I answer back, "Why do you want to know?" That generally stops them in their tracks becuase that isn't the answer they're expecting. If they persist beyond that (I've only had one who has,) I then tell them that it is my business, not theirs. I get a lot of ridiculous questions because my kids are adopted (i.e., "are they your REAL kids?" "Are they REAL sisters?" "Why didn't their birth mothers keep them?" "Was something wrong with their birth mothers?" "Weren't you able to get pregnant?" "How much did they cost?" "Do you know anything about their her REAL mother?")
You have NO obligation to tell strangers anything about yourself, and if it's personal information that you do not wish to divulge, you really don't need to tell anybody (except in certain circumstances.) I am completely amazed by the intrusive, ignorant, idiotic questions that people occasionally ask. Sometimes, people just don't realize they're being offensive, but by saying, "Why do you ask?" it gives them a moment to actually think, "Perhaps I shouldn't ask that."
I lived childless until I was 45 and I didn't ever notice a bias toward childless people. Many of those years I was unmarried, but even when I was married, I just didn't get questions about why we were childless (thank goodness, because when we were going through infertility treatments, I might have slugged somebody -- and in this case here on this forum, I did decide to divulge the info that we adopted because pregnancy wasn't possible for me, but that was MY choice to tell!) Now, with a 4 and 5 year old at the age of 50, I get the "are you the grandmother?" questions. Those I do answer with a definitive NO!
Don't answer anybody who asks such intrusive questions!!
The trend Im seeing is more couples are choosing not to have children at all or waiting until later in life.
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You'd think I married into royalty. And it's not really their last name, their father had the name of his stepfather (that I understand didn't treat him well). Now the BIL's wife is expecting & everyone is thinking & buying "boy" (although no one knows for sure what the baby's gender is). I feel sorry for the child already b/c everyone's going to be sorely disappointed if it turns out to be female. And the funny thing is, the sisters all have children & can't wait for them to grow up & move out so they can get their lives back. I guess misery loves company.
