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I think the most mature and unselfish decision you can make for any child and society at large is not to have them if you don't truly want them. They require absolute dedication and we live in a very self-centered society where parents find it extremely challenging to meet the requirements of being a selfless parent.
I agree with this statement. I knew, even as a child, that I wanted to be a mother someday. I never made a big public display over babies or children, but I knew. My friend says she always knew she wasn't cut out to be a mother and she didn't want any kids. She just doesn't have that maternal instinct/gene. Both paths are fine. There is no one right road in this life. Everyone needs to do what is right for them.
Well the question is, "Do women feel compelled to love kids?" and I'd have to answer honestly and say "No".
Now here's the catch: I adore MY kids.
Other kids, whatever. It depends on the kid. Before I had kids I was not all ga-ga over babies and toddlers. Sure, some were especially cute and I reacted accordingly but I was not one of those "OH, I LOVE children!!" women.
I babysat for years and many of those kids were just awful. Nothing pleasant in it for me at all. I was never mean to the children or anything but often desperately counted the hours until the parents returned!
Kids always flocked to ME which was at times annoying! I worked for years as the afterschool teacher at my kids private school, and substitute taught as well. It was interesting, and I bonded with many of the children but not all.
I do have a lot of empathy and compassion with regards to children (and animals, and the elderly, and anyone else who cannot fend for themselves) and I get outraged at abuse and maltreatment... and I've considered teaching because I know I am GOOD with kids, but I still don't have any silly overall gushiness about kids in general.
Yes, I agree with this. I am very into "mothering" my own children, and I love them more than anything. But other people's kids? Meh. I didn't enjoy babysitting other people's kids as a teenager and I don't enjoy it now. I do it for friends, and I don't mind it, but I do'nt particularly LIKE it. And holding other people's babies? Unless you're a very close friend, I don't offer, and I'm usually relieved to give them back!
I do think there is a pressue on women to have kids and one would infere that this would also mean to love kids. Also, there is a stereotype that women are better with kids, that it comes naturally to them. Of course, there is a lot of scientific data to back up the stereotype, but we can't fall into the thought that it applies to every woman, also that it would infere that it applies to no men. So do some women pretend to love kids because they think they should? Probably, but I would think that there would be vast more women who have kids because they think they should.
I'm guessing there is more psychological going on with the OP's friend. I mean, she was shaking?! She might just want children really, really, really badly. Maybe she has wanted children that badly for a very long time. I know my MIL was waiting to be a grandmother for over 10 years, during which time all her friends had grandchildren. When I finally got pregnant she went absolutely nutso! It was not a fun time. That story is a little different than your friend, obviously, but it shows how wanting babies can really dig deep into your psyche. Its one of the top five most basic animal instincts we have.
Well, what does bother me, is when I hear women say, "the most important job in the world is raising my child." Barf.
Not that I have ANY problem with parents taking parenting seriously, raising their children at home full time, and in any other way making choice that are good and right for their family and beliefs. That's all great.
My issue is with the general idea that child rearing eclipses every other enterprise on earth, that nothing else one could ever do would have as great an impact on the world. That's baloney. It may not have as much impact on your child's world - but not the whole world.
It is the most important job a parent has. Not everyone else's but theirs. If they do a poor job, then we have a poor adult in the world--whether that be a murderer, a con man, someone who feeds off "the system," etc. If they do a good job, then we have another productive member of society and perhaps someone that will impact the world in a big, positive way.
Of course, if your day job is say a leader of a country or something like that, then, no, your job probably makes a bigger impact on the world. But for most parents whose jobs are more ordinary, their children will be their magnum opus.
Well, what does bother me, is when I hear women say, "the most important job in the world is raising my child." Barf.
As vomit inducing as that line may sound, it's actually the truth. Look at the present state of our country. Now ask yourself how much of it can be attributed to greed, violence, selfishness, xenephobia, etc...if only more parents had done their job
FWIW, the most important job I've ever had IS raising my children now. I had an interesting, lucrative & fulfilling career but I personally feel raising my children now will be the greatest measure of my success. BARF all you like (for those who want to vomit).
I don't think it's abnormal, strange, selfish or anything negative if women don't love or like children. Not everyone does and that's totally ok.
As for women fawning all over children - well, I don't know why they do it. There may be several differing reasons why. Whether that demonstrates genuine love or affection is probably an individual case thing.
Bottom line: not every woman is cut out to "love" or like children. Why it seems to be such a big discussion just about every week on this board is truly puzzling. I mean - who cares? Women who don't want kids, don't want to be around kids or women who can't wait to have more kids shouldn't be judged. Period.
I don't particularly like kids, never have - but I adore my own and I'm so glad I have them. I don't know why other people's kids bug me, they just do. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, it's just how I am, and I'm honest about it. And I try to keep in mind that the rest of the world may not feel as totally in love with my kids as I am, either!
As vomit inducing as that line may sound, it's actually the truth. Look at the present state of our country. Now ask yourself how much of it can be attributed to greed, violence, selfishness, xenephobia, etc...if only more parents had done their job
Yes, I agree with this. I am very into "mothering" my own children, and I love them more than anything. But other people's kids? Meh. I didn't enjoy babysitting other people's kids as a teenager and I don't enjoy it now. I do it for friends, and I don't mind it, but I do'nt particularly LIKE it. And holding other people's babies? Unless you're a very close friend, I don't offer, and I'm usually relieved to give them back!
More of us on here that feel this way than I would have thought! I hate it when someone immediately asks if you want to hold their baby. Ummm....not particularly.....
My boss/friend recently had a baby and we went to visit them at the hospital. He made a comment along the lines that because I was a woman I should be good with babies. That baby immediately started crying as soon as he was plopped in my arms. It was torture and he wouldn't take him back soon enough.
I don't enjoy others kids. I like them when they get older - I guess I relate to them better.
As far as my own. I have one son. Now almost 15. I loved every stage he went through. It was completely different as a mother. He was very much planned. Then it was very much planned he would be it.
More of us on here that feel this way than I would have thought! I hate it when someone immediately asks if you want to hold their baby. Ummm....not particularly.....
My boss/friend recently had a baby and we went to visit them at the hospital. He made a comment along the lines that because I was a woman I should be good with babies. That baby immediately started crying as soon as he was plopped in my arms. It was torture and he wouldn't take him back soon enough.
I don't enjoy others kids. I like them when they get older - I guess I relate to them better.
As far as my own. I have one son. Now almost 15. I loved every stage he went through. It was completely different as a mother. He was very much planned. Then it was very much planned he would be it.
Other people's babies, well, sometimes they smell different. I know that sounds crazy but they don't smell the same as your OWN baby. Not bad but different and noticeable I don't know if this is some mother-child pheromone thing or what but it's true!
My partner had a four month old daughter when we met. It wasn't love at first sight just because she was a cute baby... though she was a very cute, pleasant, happy baby. I had to get to know her just like any other person and yes, I do love her (she's 5 now!) but it wasn't automatic!
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I worked for years as the afterschool teacher at my kids private school, and substitute taught as well. It was interesting, and I bonded with many of the children but not all. 
I know that sounds crazy but they don't smell the same as your OWN baby. Not bad but different and noticeable I don't know if this is some mother-child pheromone thing or what but it's true! 
