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[/quote]Exactly, lol!
The mind set is what worries me, the fact that children whom view this type of material get a distorted view as to what expectations should be of a woman and are doomed from the off set it basically taints and desensitizes children and cheats them from having a nurturing relationship based on the basic fundamentals, "Mutual respect for one's body and those of others"[/quote]
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Yes, we try teach our kids to respect others morals and bodies when it comes to relationships. Not to rush into sex or be rushed into it. That comes LATER in a relationship (we hope)!!!!!
AND these kids watching X rated videos will be disappointed when they realize that real woman don't do the things that the ones in the videos do!! LOL
TO the OP...UGGGGG. Damn teenagers! I agree with you 100% in fact I believe you are too easy on him ( When he gets his own PC he can look at whatever he wants)
I also agree with the other posters in that the parenting software did not work? Have you tried to reset your controls? Meaning he has to type in a password everytime he stumbles onto a insecure site or one that contains objectible material? We have done this for our son.
I feel that these websites give a unrealistiv and degrading view on women and no child under the age of 18 needs to see the material that can range from soft core to hard core! I feel this gives the child a twisted view on what sex or a relationship means, just my opinion.
Just heard a local police offical speak on internet pedophiles & such. He stated that the worse thing a parent can do for a teenager right now is allow them to have a computer in their room. He said that they get calls from the ELEMENTARY school of kids being able to hack into the codes & override the system. He said the moment a parent sets a code, the child/teenager can go to school, talk to his friends, & someone has figured out how to break the code. It's that easy!
A computer in an area that an adult has eyes on is the best method when a parent is dealing with a child who has already shown interest in these sites.
It was even more disturbing on stories of 40yr old men pretending to be 8yr old girls & it's actually a ring of men that do this things in local areas.
There is a system right now where a person can get an IP address & through that get a HOME ADDRESS when they are "chatting".
You know, I guess I'm of a different mind here. I'd pull the plug on all Internet. He's lied, he's sneaked, and, it seems to me that, permitting him further opportunities to figure out how to sneak online and over to porn sites reinforces a bad set of behaviors. If he's so curious, fine. Go buy a stack of porn magazines and plot them down in front of him at the dinner table. "There ya go, son. Now let's look at them together and you tell me what you find so fulfilling?"
Young people want secrecy to explore these titillations. Unfortunately, exploring them in secret, in my opinion, reinforces a pattern of behavior detrimental to a healthy respect for women, humans in general, and a clean attitude about his own sexuality. The reason why these subjects are titillating is because sex has been made taboo and something secretive and "dirty."
Another idea that worked for a friend of mine was to bring the boy over to the ranch when we were putting stallion to mare or boar to sow. They brought them over, likewise, when the sow farrowed and the mares foaled. The young man got a whole new level of understanding about penises, vulvas, copulation, and parturition. Sex became something meaningful, not something dirty.
You know, I guess I'm of a different mind here. I'd pull the plug on all Internet. He's lied, he's sneaked, and, it seems to me that, permitting him further opportunities to figure out how to sneak online and over to porn sites reinforces a bad set of behaviors.
I'm with you. My kids are not allowed on the computer except for homework purposes, period. I'll take them to the library to surf the net sometimes, but that is it. The computer is a PRIVILEGE, not a "right".
I'm with you. My kids are not allowed on the computer except for homework purposes, period. I'll take them to the library to surf the net sometimes, but that is it. The computer is a PRIVILEGE, not a "right".
It's nice to have agreement. Let me take treeg's statement one step further:
Everything except love and life needs (food, functional clothing, shelter, clean water, etc.) are a privilege. No, he/she doesn't NEED TV, those expensive Nikes, those designer jeans, that fancy cell phone, music, I-tunes, ipods, transportation, or anything else. Education? Yes. But I think we've mislabeled "needs." Needs are what sustains life and health, and the Internet is not numbered among those last I checked. I think that curtailing greed, consumerism, unhealthy behaviors...in fact all unhealthy and/or addictive behaviors and insatiable desires is wise.
Not too strict at all. Maybe not strict enough IMO. You do have to be very vigilant about internet usage with the availability of porn and teen-age boy curiosity/hormones etc. I don't know that I would advocate NO internet usage, but I would monitor it VERY carefully. (No computer in their own room -only in a very public area of the house, strong filtering/blocking, checking what they are looking at periodically, checking the history etc.) If THIS doesn't prove sufficient, then you might have to go to NO computer access. I agree computer access is a privilege, not a right.
It's nice to have agreement. Let me take treeg's statement one step further:
Everything except love and life needs (food, functional clothing, shelter, clean water, etc.) are a privilege. No, he/she doesn't NEED TV, those expensive Nikes, those designer jeans, that fancy cell phone, music, I-tunes, ipods, transportation, or anything else. Education? Yes. But I think we've mislabeled "needs." Needs are what sustains life and health, and the Internet is not numbered among those last I checked. I think that curtailing greed, consumerism, unhealthy behaviors...in fact all unhealthy and/or addictive behaviors and insatiable desires is wise.
YES!!! I've stated before, my kids are the "only" kids that do not have cell phones, a tv in their room (with DVD and video games), or their own laptop. My hubby and I are soooo mean!! Kids get way too much handed to them, especially for the way some of them behave!! Even straight A's at school won't get them these things. Sorry. They earn some money by doing their chores ONLY if their behavior warrants it. If they do chores and have a great attitude and behave, they get money to buy their own "stuff". It isn't right to hand all this stuff over to kids. Let them learn to earn things for themselves. It is a great lesson!! AND expect a little more in the behavior and trust departments. Trust is earned, not given.
Just my opinion, anyway.
Too strict? Nope, I feel that when we were kids we didnt have access to all this crap, so why should they? Not on my watch baby.
I know they want to, but i think at that tender age of teendom, i think it gives them the wrong impression on what sex should be about. Everyone likes it naughty now and then, but seriously, at 16? That is inapropriate.
I would lock out the computer until they are 18 as far as i am concerned. At least for the virus issues that go along with the porn sites.
Quote:
Originally Posted by momtothree
We have a 15 year old now living with us. I knew where he came from he was always grounded and over protected. ie. Not able to play outside alone etc. And not because there is anything wrong with him just the city he lived in wasn't safe.
I live in a different state where it is safer.
We gave him a clean slate. We gave him "full" privilages with a few rules. One rule with the laptop computer was he can take it to his room but no x-rated content of any kind. We understand he is curious but when he gets his own computer, he can do whatever he wants. Our computer, no. We were very clear on this to him.
Within a week I had trojans, I was able to trace to a x rated site. We confronted him and he didn't admit to it but apologized. We told him no more laptop in the bedroom at night.
All was fine for a few weeks till yesterday. Saw on the parenting software I had purchased that while he was alone in the house, he looked at a whole bunch of stuff. Icky stuff.
He at first wouldn't admit it but then with the screen shots of the actual keystokes words he used, screen shots and dates and times of only he wouldbe using it is when he admitted it. But he said doesn't he can't look up stuff? Uh no.
So we revoked all computer access when we are not home. He can only use the computer in the living room when we are home and in sight of us. I locked out the computer also in the evening so he can't sneak in overnight etc.
Is this too strict? This is our first "teen" and I don't know. We told him when he gets his summer job and buys his own computer then he can do whatever.
I would lock out the computer until they are 18 as far as i am concerned. At least for the virus issues that go along with the porn sites.
Oh, the viruses!! Another reason kids shouldn't be surfing the net without supervision, good anti-virus software and parental controls!
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