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The other day I was in a pizza place as a guest of a friend of the famliy. I was managing my tray and the 5 year old DD next to me wanting to carry her own stuff. I put the tray down to get her one more item from the buffet, and this kid, about her age (5), pushes me slightly, reaches UNDER my arm, between my hands, grabbing the tongs I was reaching for, to go for the same item! His head was practically in my armpit for him to accomplish this act of rudeness.
First of all there aren't supposed to be 5 year old kids at the pizza buffet alone. Second of all... wow. Just wow. None of our kids, at that age, would have done that. They'd have waited their turn!
I gently put my hand around his wrist, pulled his hand away (he dropped the tongs), looked him in the eye, and said, rather sternly (the same as I'd talk to my own) "Excuse me! You need to wait your turn!"
His eyes got wide and he backed up and waited, but sheesh! Things like this drive me MAD. What has happened to decent, basic manners and passing those manners on to our kids at an early age?? Don't they learn anything in school, at least, if they aren't getting it at home?
This was just one example, one incident, but there's always something. Kids running wild in stores, yelling in the library, teenagers cussing loudly in public places... it's enough to drive me batty. In the dentist's waiting room there was a girl of about 8 smacking her gum LOUDLY, as in on-purpose loud, while her mom blabbered on the cell phone and the brother openly picked his nose (he was about 10!!)... mom oblivious all the while. I didn't say anything to the gum smacker but again I wondered, what happened to basic "in public" manners?
I have gotten to the point in my 'old' age of 37 that I don't wait for the parents to handle their kids anymore (if they're even around). For many issues, I will say something directly. I'm not rude or intimidating, but "mom like". A few weeks ago when I picked up the kids from school and some of the high schoolers were cussing up a storm... I told them to watch their mouths, that there were little ones present. Am I the crazy mom now? Anyone else feel / do the same?
You had no right to put your hands on that child. This was not a life-threatening situation; it was a pizza parlor.
It would have been very easy to talk to the parent & much more respectful & maybe it would have helped the parent to know their child did this instead of a stranger touching them.
What the child did was not correct. But they are a child & have a parent. You are not their parent nor where you responsible for their well -being, hence, you should not have touched them.
It's very easy to sit & judge based on things you seemed to get perfect that other's have not mastered yet.
It's not excusable behavior. But what you did was not right, either.
I raise my sons the best I can & manners are a must. We have our good days & our bad days. But I've learned in a very short time that it's not easy & just as I am judging someone, they could be seeing some flaw in me too & I really don't want to waste my time striving for perfection.
I would want someone to tell me if my child was acting inappropriately but I do not want them touching them.
This is a huge pet peeve for me...snarky little kids who have a sense of entitlement that their parents have obviously fostered in them.
If parents are not going to watch their children in public then I have no problem telling them when they are being out of line... Somebody's gotta do it!
I would never touch a child that is not mine but I would tell them the right thing to do in a firm parental way.
You had no right to put your hands on that child. This was not a life-threatening situation; it was a pizza parlor.
It would have been very easy to talk to the parent & much more respectful & maybe it would have helped the parent to know their child did this instead of a stranger touching them.
What the child did was not correct. But they are a child & have a parent. You are not their parent nor where you responsible for their well -being, hence, you should not have touched them.
It's very easy to sit & judge based on things you seemed to get perfect that other's have not mastered yet.
It's not excusable behavior. But what you did was not right, either.
I raise my sons the best I can & manners are a must. We have our good days & our bad days. But I've learned in a very short time that it's not easy & just as I am judging someone, they could be seeing some flaw in me too & I really don't want to waste my time striving for perfection.
I would want someone to tell me if my child was acting inappropriately but I do not want them touching them.
I agree! I would seriously have a problem with any adult who put their hands on my kid for any reason. I am not excusing the child's behavior, but he is the child in the situation and I think your response was just as rude as his behavior.
Well, I don't normally move a child's hand away, touch another person's child in any way... this kid's parents were no where to be seen, no older sibling nearby to say "hey"... because immediately after I looked around and there was no one and no clue who he "belonged" to. No one was looking his way or watching for him that I could see, and he just went on down the buffet some more. If someone had been nearby it would have been different (but I would obviously expect them to take action regarding their kid!)
Seriously, he was practically on top of me, pushing with his body up against my side and sticking his head under my arm and reaching under and through. This was the first and only time this particular thing happened, a kid "in my space" and touching me, as it were. I would NEVER handle someone's child in anything less than a totally gentle way, and that's what I did. I think though, regardless of if it's a child or not, that I have a right to (gently in this case, because it was a child) remove someone from my space and from my "body", as it were.
I guess it was years of working at a school and in child care where I constantly had to remove a kid from on top of another kid, physically redirect child from a dangerous activity, take them by the hand away from whatever they weren't supposed to be doing... and I went into "teacher" mode.
I can't imagine, in the first place, letting my 5 year old go up to the buffet alone but if I did I'd be watching them the whole time and the instant they started pushing and so forth I'd be stopping it.....
Now, as for not judging others. I'm sorry, I think that's why we're in such a mess. Once upon a time there were things that "just weren't done" and it wasn't about controlling others, it was about considering the feelings of others and being respectful when out in public. If someone didn't teach their children how to behave in public, they got asked to leave stores, and no one really socialized with them. Natural consequence, but yes, it is a form of "judging" and so???
My kids are far from perfect! Very far from it. Still, when we go out, they don't run in stores, they don't scream and throw fits (and I'm not talking about toddler tantrums and normal, age appropriate fits, ok?), or use foul language, they don't cut in line, push their way through lines... they say excuse me, please, and thank you. It's not about perfection by any means but shouldn't there be some basic standards that we as a society uphold?
Age appropriate behavior, basic lessons on how not to be rude. I think that's something pretty much any parent can accomplish if they bother. The bigger problem is not parents who are trying and having difficulty... what I see is parents who don't give a darn and don't try at all to mold behavior in ANY way.
Location: In my own little corner... sittin' in Jax FL
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I use stern looks, a word or two, and redirecting my own-self when necessary. I probably wouldn't touch the child unless I was a friend of the family or something. HOWEVER, a gentle redirect might have been more appropriate.
As for bringing it to the parent's attention... that is a touchy subject. I have encountered many parents and caregivers that just don't care. They are busy in their adult world either talking on their cell phone or to other adults. Before I talk to them, I try to size up the situation. If the "offense" is minor, I might just say to the child, "We need to wait our turn." or whatever is appropriate. If the offense is more than minor, say using physical force, foul language, or something similar, I try to look over the parents and the situation before talking to them. Sometimes it is easier to get the manager.
In any case, I am overly aware of my children in public. We have rules and they need to be followed. It's a part of learning how to be part of the world around us, have empathy and compassion. We teach them to make decisions based on the factors they have. Yes, they make mistakes and make choices that we may not agree with. We try to correct them &/or have them tell us what would be a better course of action. We, too, have good days and bad days with our kids. Even grown-ups have slip-ups!
I agree! I would seriously have a problem with any adult who put their hands on my kid for any reason. I am not excusing the child's behavior, but he is the child in the situation and I think your response was just as rude as his behavior.
Would you sit by and let your kid shove under an adult, push, and grab through their arms to get something?
If you were sitting down somewhere, and a strange child (old enough to know better, I might add) climbed on you to get something would you remove them from your lap? It was basically the same thing, but standing up. The level of physical contact was the same in how he squeezed in, trying to get between my body and the tray rack/buffet food.
I'm obviously in the minority here but like I said, I very gently pulled his hand out of my space/away from the tongs, and told him he needed to wait his turn... I didn't grab him, hurt him, or yell at him. I didn't say anything I wouldn't say to my own.. in fact I was much nicer about it, because I KNOW my own know better and they would have heard much more from me about it had they done the same.
I have to assume he hasn't been told before that this is not ok, and I think that the way I spoke to him reflected that. It's not like he ran off in tears. He waited, got his food, then ventured off to cut in front of someone else...
In retrospect, perhaps I should have said "Hey, hold up!" or something similar before removing his hand from between me and what he was going for... but he was not looking up at me, he was too busy squeezing in and looking at the food he was going for. I most likely would have had to speak much more loudly/possibly frightening him to get his attention. I'm taking note of the reactions y'all have about what I did, but I'm also wondering if any of you would have let this happen in the first place, where your child was that close and personal with a strange adult?
So, you just redirected the hand of the child? Heck, I don't give a rip about that. If you see my kids doing something like that, grab 'em by the ear and bring them to me
Location: In my own little corner... sittin' in Jax FL
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fierce_flawless
Would you sit by and let your kid shove under an adult, push, and grab through their arms to get something?
...
I'm obviously in the minority here but like I said, I very gently pulled his hand out of my space, and told him he needed to wait his turn... I didn't grab him, hurt him, or yell at him.
In answer to your specific situation --
No, I would not sit by and allow a child to do that. Yes, I might gently redirect with a hand on the elbow or shoulder. Definitely I would have spoken to the manager. Not only was it rude but it was probably against the buffet policy to have a child of that age at the hot bar of a buffet.
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His head was practically in my armpit for him to accomplish this act of rudeness.
