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My children are convinced our divorce is all my fault. Their father tells them this. And my new Last name is Magr***y and he calls me MaGreedy to them. Imagine that. We usually get along pretty well.. but we have our moments. Our main beef is he won't come see them regularly.
My policy has always been I don't talk about him AT ALL. If they bring up the subject I will voice my opinion. They know this. I warn them in advance. Are you sure you want to discuss your father with me?? is usually enough to stop the conversation. I don't tell them he is a liar from WAY back. Or that he used to spend money on STEAKS in the truck stop when he was on the road and we didn't have MILK at home. I just refuse to discuss it with them. They do know we have "history". That truely is enough. But the best part was his last court date when HE told them that I didn't tell him when the date was. Ummmm that ain't my job. Needless to say he didn't show up. Our oldest (15) didn't believe me so I just dialed up one of her friend's mom's and let her ask questions to her. Like... who is supposed to do the notifying.. and stuff like that. Then she didn't believe me when I told her he can pick them up ANYTIME he wants to as long as he isn't in the big truck. So I handed her the court order and let her read it.....aloud. Pissed her smooth off, but she needed to know the facts. I didn't argue with her, plead with her, or anything else. If she wants to know, she is entitled to know at 15. But she is figuring out the score. He was late picking them up today and is bringing them home on Saturday instead of keeping them till Sunday. Not my problem either. But they are seeing what he does. They have good sense. God I am tired I am making real choppy sentances..... OKOK I AM going to bed now..... hahahahahaha
here's an update on my situation: turns out I worried about Thanksgiving for nothing. When his kids tried and failed to get out of spending the holiday with us, they left a note on their front door. So when he went to pick them up Thursday, no knocking or phone calls brought them out, altho he could hear them behind the door when he retrieved the letter. The 16 yr old wrote it, saying that they will be staying at Mommy's house because they're just more comfortable there. She wants nothing to do with getting to know me. She feels uncomfortable being at our house, and is furious with him for expecting to see them. She might consider going to to dinner with him occasionally so he can still see them once in a while.
He's very hurt by the way she handled this. He's asked her several times why she never calls him or answers his calls, or why she doesn't want to come over. She has never told him any of those things to his face or on the phone or even in an email.
So this is just going to have an unhappy ending. At least for the forseeable future.
My wife has primary custody of our oldest (11). We seriously cannot stand her ex or the rest of his family. But we bite our tongues around her because we don't want her to see him or his family in a different light. We want her to make up her own mind about them. It's not right for us to put ideas in her head.
Drjones96, your philosophy is the same as my husband's. He never says anything negative about their mother. But the courtesy isn't reciprocated, and the kids have had a steady dose of verbal trashing of their dad, both by their mother and by her family. I guess we shouldn't be surprised that it came to this. His girls are very close to their mother and I think they're turning into little Mini-me's.
My daughters Bio Dad walked out when she was 2 months old, never to be seen again until she was ready to graduate. He never paid a dime of child support to tried to contact her or me. I NEVER said one bad thing to her about her Dad in all those years.. When asked why he left, I simply said "I don't know, maybe he just didn't want to be married anymore".
17 years later, he is back, shows up with a big fine car, wearing expensive clothes and jewelry, bragging about how much money he makes and his wife is also all decked out in expensive jewelry and clothes. He sits there and brags in front of our daughter that he moved to a state that would not attach his wages for child support. All she sees is the car, jewelry and expensive colthes so soon as she graduates, she moves in with her Dad.
He immediately starts bashing me to her and she would call me up telling me what he was saying and asking if it was true, all the nasty stuff he was saying. I just laughed and told her, the truth was inside HER, she didn't need to ask me anything. I told her "I raised you, YOU know what I am capable of, you know me far better than he ever did... the truth is in YOU! Am I capable of doing what he said? You know me better than he does, would I have done these thing?" I NEVER called him a lier..
He ended up throwing her out of his house for standing up to him asking him WHO he was to bash her mother! HE walked out and never looked back, not careing if she had food to eat, clothes to wear, was well or sick, yet he dare stand there and criticize the one parent she had that CARED? He died driving drunk shortly after that and she and I are closer than ever.
17 years later, he is back, shows up with a big fine car, wearing expensive clothes and jewelry, bragging about how much money he makes and his wife is also all decked out in expensive jewelry and clothes. He sits there and brags in front of our daughter that he moved to a state that would not attach his wages for child support. All she sees is the car, jewelry and expensive colthes so soon as she graduates, she moves in with her Dad..
That's high class. He tells her he moved to a state that would allow him to not have to pay child support.
What I don't get is why she chose to move in with him after that.
here's an update on my situation: turns out I worried about Thanksgiving for nothing. When his kids tried and failed to get out of spending the holiday with us, they left a note on their front door. So when he went to pick them up Thursday, no knocking or phone calls brought them out, altho he could hear them behind the door when he retrieved the letter. The 16 yr old wrote it, saying that they will be staying at Mommy's house because they're just more comfortable there. She wants nothing to do with getting to know me. She feels uncomfortable being at our house, and is furious with him for expecting to see them. She might consider going to to dinner with him occasionally so he can still see them once in a while.
He's very hurt by the way she handled this. He's asked her several times why she never calls him or answers his calls, or why she doesn't want to come over. She has never told him any of those things to his face or on the phone or even in an email.
So this is just going to have an unhappy ending. At least for the forseeable future.
I am so sorry you and your husband are having to go through this.
It's always a shame when people choose to hate their exes more than they love their children.
I'm a step-mom that's gone thru a somewhat similar situation so I feel your pain. It's hard to watch your husband hurt so deeply by those he loves the most.
My best advise is to have him inform them that he's sorry they have made the choice they have but he'll always be there if they need him. The worst thing he could do right now is try to force them to spend time with you. They are teenagers, female and someone else has their Daddy.
I can't predict a rosy future but I'll hope and pray that they come around.
this is pretty complicated, but I could use some wise words other than "give the kids space, they'll come around some-day". It's gotten to the point where his 2 girls, age 12 & 16 won't even see him on his designated weekends. Now they're finding reasons not to see him on the holidays. We don't know how to react. Their mother refuses to let go her hatred of him for divorcing him over 6 years ago.
I'm so frustrated....I don't know what to do but want to do something!
Actions speak louder than words. Insist they come on their visitation days. I find it hard to believe they won't come over based on what she says. They have had experiences at his house. Were those positive ones?
That's high class. He tells her he moved to a state that would allow him to not have to pay child support.
What I don't get is why she chose to move in with him after that.
I would think her daughter figured things out pretty quickly, but might have been lured in by the flashy lifestyle her dad was leading. Her mom did a good job instilling sound values.
Actions speak louder than words. Insist they come on their visitation days. I find it hard to believe they won't come over based on what she says. They have had experiences at his house. Were those positive ones?
I just went into a detailed narrative on the experiences of my hubby & his girls during the time before I met him because I wanted to explain that they were positive experiences for the girls. I messed up and lost it all while trying to post it!!! AAHHHGG!!
So, a shorter version:
When I first started this thread, I said it was complicated. This is the complicated part....After a nasty, long divorce from his first wife, my hubby met a gal who moved right in with him. He admits now that he moved way too fast in marrying her, but wanted a solid home life for his girls when they stayed with him. Wife #2 turned out to have a mess of problems. She is addicted to prescription drugs and invented new illnesses to get them. There was non-stop doctors, ambulances, emergency rooms, car wrecks, rehabs, stealing, lying, etc. So he divorced her too after trying to fix her for 3 years. The kids got along fine with her at first, but the older one finally got cynical and saw through the lies.
We discovered a few months ago that both ex-wives have become close friends, altho they HATED each other during the 2nd marriage. The kids have admitted that wife #2 visits them and their mom and the 2 women bash their dad in front of them. Now the older daughter resents Dad for throwing #2 out and calls her "my second mommy".
Sorry this is so long, that's why I didn't write it all in my original post.
It's hard to believe those 2 women are so full of hate. I do believe that their goal was to cause him grief by alienating the girls against him. They both realize that the only way to really hurt him is through the kids. #2 has tried frequently calling him, emailing him and me, and even emailed the girls and making fun of me.
Now that they've succeeded, I wonder what the next goal is....I don't think they'll ever feel like they've punished him enough for leaving them.
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Pissed her smooth off, but she needed to know the facts. I didn't argue with her, plead with her, or anything else. If she wants to know, she is entitled to know at 15. But she is figuring out the score. He was late picking them up today and is bringing them home on Saturday instead of keeping them till Sunday. Not my problem either. 
But they are seeing what he does. They have good sense. God I am tired I am making real choppy sentances..... OKOK I AM going to bed now..... hahahahahaha 
