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Sounds like you are a very wise parent, to me! I think the other poster was objecting to how strict and overboard his/her own parents were - not criticizing parents who are doing a great job w/ balancing out meals.
If a parent allows him/herself to become a short order cook, the kids are in charge of the house . . . wh/ would be totally absurd (but I bet there are people out there allowing this to happen - thinking they are being good parents!!!)
That was what I was "implying"
After awhile, you cannot keep blaming the sins of the parents on issues in one's life. Grow up, take charge of the feelings, and don't let those issues interfere with your own parenting.
The other day we were joking around at breakfast & I gave my son a cookie to my husband's stun faced & my son's "Holy Smokes!"...it was a very light hearted moment & we all had a good laugh. He's yet to ask for a cookie again at breakfast b/c I think he knows it was a very unique "treat".
As a Southerner, I find your post very confusing. I have no clue what you are referring to as "the Southern social norms." My kids have friends from many different cultures and ethnicities as do all my neighbor's kids . . . I have no clue what you mean about "limiting my child to one way of doing things." ???? I am in Charlotte and we have Asian, black, hispanic, gay, retired, single people in our neighborhood. We have Buddhist and Hindu friends, as well as Christian and Jewish friends. What is that is inherently Southern that would have somehow stunted your child's development? Not trying to be assaultive here - just utterly confused as to what it is about the South that would have kept your children from being well-rounded?
Lol, I can see why you would be confused by the post. There were some people upset with me because we expected our child to forgo the practice of calling an adult Mr. or Miss, (as is done here in the south), on a few occasions because someone from England was uncomfortable with the custom.
They felt that I was, confusing him. I feel that making an exception from a social norm, (using Mr. or Miss in the south), is not confusing and encouraged the boy to be able to adapt when dealing with people from other cultures. Wasn't knocking the south, (oh heck no), was just knocking what I thought was bad advice.
Location: Virginia, just outside of DC, our crooks are just dressed better than yours.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Drouzin
Lol, I can see why you would be confused by the post. There were some people upset with me because we expected our child to forgo the practice of calling an adult Mr. or Miss, (as is done here in the south), on a few occasions because someone from England was uncomfortable with the custom.
They felt that I was, confusing him. I feel that making an exception from a social norm, (using Mr. or Miss in the south), is not confusing and encouraged the boy to be able to adapt when dealing with people from other cultures. Wasn't knocking the south, (oh heck no), was just knocking what I thought was bad advice.
My parents were aghast that I allowed my children to sleep in our bed when they wanted to. We didn't have a "family" bed, just an "open door" policy in our bedroom. My 12 and 14 year old will still come and cuddle with us and watch tv, not as often as when they were younger, but it is still nice. My six year old sleeps with us usually 2 or 3 times a week.
As a result, I feel that my children are safe and secure in their enviornment and they know that we are always available to them.
My MIL is a good one for bad advice... "He's sniffling, better bring him to the doctor for an antibiotic!" "Let's put your newborn face down on this nice soft quilt to go to sleep! My kids always slept best this way." (Yikes, thankfully they woke up again!) "It's good to let your baby cry... it will help his lungs to develop." "Your daughter is three... why don't you take her out of that carseat?"
I know that was how things were done when she had kids, so I can't fault her too much.
Lol, I can see why you would be confused by the post. There were some people upset with me because we expected our child to forgo the practice of calling an adult Mr. or Miss, (as is done here in the south), on a few occasions because someone from England was uncomfortable with the custom.
They felt that I was, confusing him. I feel that making an exception from a social norm, (using Mr. or Miss in the south), is not confusing and encouraged the boy to be able to adapt when dealing with people from other cultures. Wasn't knocking the south, (oh heck no), was just knocking what I thought was bad advice.
Ohhhhhh . . . well have mercy - I totally was confused on that one. You do have to figure out what works for your own family. Etiquette does vary culture to culture, that is for sure.
My parents were aghast that I allowed my children to sleep in our bed when they wanted to. We didn't have a "family" bed, just an "open door" policy in our bedroom. My 12 and 14 year old will still come and cuddle with us and watch tv, not as often as when they were younger, but it is still nice. My six year old sleeps with us usually 2 or 3 times a week.
As a result, I feel that my children are safe and secure in their enviornment and they know that we are always available to them.
This is a very good example of parents needing to decide what works for THEM, what is right for THEIR KIDS (and for family bonding, as a whole).
As long as it works for your family . . . and obviously, your 12 and 14 y/o came to value their own space in their own beds by themselves . . . but still enjoy spending some close time w/ parents to watch tv. I think when kids feel they can come and share quiet time like this, they are also more likely to feel open and free to discuss anything that is on their minds. I know that my sons and I used to watch TV w/ dad in the king sized bed . . . and often, it was during those quiet moments together (all defenses down) that something would be mentioned - a problem at school, something that had been on their minds . . .
Not every parent will be comfortable w/ an open door policy like this, but again - that is why all families evolve the way they do! No handbooks!!! We all have to find what works for us and for our precious children.
My MIL is a good one for bad advice... "He's sniffling, better bring him to the doctor for an antibiotic!" "Let's put your newborn face down on this nice soft quilt to go to sleep! My kids always slept best this way." (Yikes, thankfully they woke up again!) "It's good to let your baby cry... it will help his lungs to develop." "Your daughter is three... why don't you take her out of that carseat?"
I know that was how things were done when she had kids, so I can't fault her too much.
Isn't it amazing how bad advice can also put a burden on us as daughters or sons in law . . . b/c we have to 'excuse' or at least understand where the inlaws are coming from when they offer up such awful advice!! God bless every SIL or DIL who has smiled and said - oh, that is interesting - and resisted the impulse to shout "YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!!" Hee Hee Hee. It is surely not easy . . .
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), was just knocking what I thought was bad advice.
