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Two boys, ages 6 and 9, come over to my house almost daily. They are never invited, and often, they don't even ask their own mom if they can come over. This is slightly bothersome, but not the big problem.
The BIG problem is that the parents smoke so much that these boys reek of cigarette smoke. Now I realize that it is not my business if the parents smoke in their own home. However, these boys come over to my house. My daughter and I have asthma. I'm so sensitive to cigarette smoke that I can't breathe in my own home when the boys come over. No exaggeration--tonight I was across the room from where the boys were and I had trouble breathing. When the parents come over to look for their boys, they blow cigarette smoke into my face and into my house.
Should I say something to the parents? What do I say? "Excuse me, but did you know that your boys absolutely reek of cigarette smoke? I can't breathe around them, so they can't play with my children. And, by the way, have you thought about what secondhand smoke may be doing to your children's lungs? They're obviously breathing it in if it's all over their bodies and clothes." I know I can't say that, so what do I say, if anything? I have no friendship with the parents--I don't even know their names. We've only lived here a few months. Any suggestions?
Buy some Febreeze. Spray it on the kids when they come in. Just tell them - sorry, kids, you smell like smoke so we need to get rid of that smell - it drives my sinuses crazy.
If they don't like it, they won't come back. If their parents say anything to you, don't get sarcastic w/ them - just say - I am sure you don't realize it, but the cigarette smoke hangs on their clothing and tears up my sinuses. So my rule is . . . anyone who smells like smoke has to be sprayed down.
Tell them their kids smell like cigarette smoke and you have trouble breathing around them. They don't care about anybody else but themselves, so why should worry about protecting their feelings?
Honesty is best. But be prepared to say, the boys can't come over any more.
Buy some Febreeze. Spray it on the kids when they come in. Just tell them - sorry, kids, you smell like smoke so we need to get rid of that smell - it drives my sinuses crazy.
That's called passive aggressive. It's also childish.
I smoked for 33 years and I could never smell cigarette smoke on me or my kids. My mom told me the kids smelled of cigarettes but I couldn't smell it. That is, until I quit smoking. Now I can smell cigarettes on everyone. Just passing by someone in a store or even on the street, I can smell it.
The point is, even if you say something to the parents, it may make no difference. They'll take a whiff of their kids, smell nothing and chalk it up to you being overly sensitive.
It's not passive aggressive to spray Febreeze around them and say that. It's polite.
If you go and tell the parents that it bothers you, unless you spend days trying to figure out the right words and how exactly to say it, it'll be offensive to them, and you'll seem like an overly-sensitive *****
I'd do the Febreeze thing and live with it for a while, the parents will definitely hear it from someone else if it's really that bad. Don't let it be you
I would ask each of the boys to bring a change of clothes next time and make them change, together, in your half bath. Then I would put their clothes in a plastic trash bag from your local grocery store with a note that reads: "I had your boys change clothes because their clothes smelled of smoke. Please ensure that when you allow your sons to come over that they have on clean clothes that do not smell of smoke. My daughter and I are having a hard time breathing around them. Sincerely, YOUR NAME!" This should bring attention to the issue without you having to do a face to face confrontation. If the parents don't like it then the boys should not be allowed at your house, or I would continue to make them change. You may even think about buying a pair of shorts and a t for both of them and keeping them at your house so they can change when they get there and you keep the clothes so when they come back they have something clean smelling on. Good luck.
I wouldn't spray febreeze because just like you're sensitive to the smoke of cig. smoke, there are many people that are either allergic or just sensitive to kinds of fragrance.
If these are nice boys and you really don't mind them coming over, what I would do-as a mother of two boys...I would go out and buy a change of clothing for the children. I would have them change once they're over, and explain to them the reason (you can smell the smoke and since you have asthma, it's making it really hard for you to breathe-simple fact), but make sure you mention the positive- we like you coming over and want you to keep on doing so, which is why the definite need for a change. Then let them change back before they leave, and wash the extra set so they can always put them on.
Parents who smoke hear all about the second hand smoke, and they hear (whether they believe) all about the smell too. They will just take anything as an attack on their parenting.
Perhaps the children will mention it to their parents- I think they might. They can choose whether to change them themselves, say something to you, or just stop letting the boys over (which would be unreasonable and I wouldn't do that if the situation rose, but we do have unreasonable people out there...).
I can't do the Febreeze suggestion. I'm highly allergic to the stuff. I like the idea of buying a change of clothes that stays here. Thanks for the suggestions!
I love the Febreeze idea! I would ask the kids if they want to come in-then I have to spray you down because I can't take the cigarette smell! But definately ask them first!
I really am slightly squeamish about the whole change of clothes thing. If a neighbor ever asked my kids to take off their clothes at the neighbors house for any reason I would be going thru the roof. It would be a bad example for little kids plus it is kinda setting you up if the kids want to lie about why you are asking them to take their clothes off. Just opening up a whole can of worms.
Can you imagine the moms at the school bus stop talking about how little kids are forced to take off their clothes to enter your house? You so do not want to go there!
Good luck!
Edit to add sorry I didn't see you were allergic to the Febreeze-maybe the kids should just play outside!
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