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My 10 yr old is in 4th grade. She has a speech problem and she's in a regular classroom (before she was in special ed class and on a different playground.) Different boys have been bothering her, saying she has to do what they say (give them her stuff, have her kick someone, etc.) They've asked her if they can have sex with her and all kinds of vulgar stuff. She's very shy and even though we tell her "tell a teacher" she will only tell me. I tell the school and the principal says "Well the boys denied it, so I can't punish them." My daughter doesn't want to go to school now. What can I do?
I would show up at the next class event and introduce myself to the parents of the boys. Better yet, you might want to introduce yourself to those boys parents before then. Be proactive.
There is only so much that is within the school's control.
My 10 yr old is in 4th grade. She has a speech problem and she's in a regular classroom (before she was in special ed class and on a different playground.) Different boys have been bothering her, saying she has to do what they say (give them her stuff, have her kick someone, etc.) They've asked her if they can have sex with her and all kinds of vulgar stuff. She's very shy and even though we tell her "tell a teacher" she will only tell me. I tell the school and the principal says "Well the boys denied it, so I can't punish them." My daughter doesn't want to go to school now. What can I do?
She really needs to tell the person on duty immediately so that the issue can be handled immediately.
If she is really too shy for that suggest that she hang around the playground aide for a while so that she is more comfortable telling her what happens and the boys probably won't say nasty things to her when she is around the aide.
Another possibility is to have the classroom teacher encourage a friendship between your daughter and a girl, or group of girls, who are not shy and will either tell the boys to "knock it off" or will immediately go with your daughter to an aide or teacher and verify exactly what the boys are saying to them. When you have two or three girls immediately tell the aide, "John said XYZ and Marty said ABC and Barry put up his middle finger" it is easier to get the truth than for one girl to not tell anyone at school, go home and tell Mom and the next day for Mom to tell the school.
If she's too shy to tell the teacher one thing you can do to help that is to role play at home to practice her telling the teacher, and also to practice saying "NO" loudly and confidently towards the boys when they start to bother her. That hopefully would make her feel a bit more comfortable and confident about telling a teacher.
If she's too shy to tell the teacher one thing you can do to help that is to role play at home to practice her telling the teacher, and also to practice saying "NO" loudly and confidently towards the boys when they start to bother her. That hopefully would make her feel a bit more comfortable and confident about telling a teacher.
Thanks, Natsku, I forgot to mention that.
In many situations it is even better to yell something specific, "No, stop teasing me!" , "Go away, you are saying bad words", but just "Stop it" or "No" is better than just quietly "taking it". Right now the boys are succeeding because your daughter is too quiet to make a fuss. Think about the long run-----learning how to say "No" and to "make a fuss" at the appropriate time are extremely valuable skills to learn (especially for girls).
I like Natsku's idea of teaching your daughter to day NO, real LOUD, when it's happening.
Maybe then someone of importance will see it, and do something about it.
I can't see her wanting to tell the teacher because if she does the other kids will see her as a tattletale, and their bullying could get even worse.
Do you stay at home?
If it becomes unbearable for her, and nothings being done (as is the norm) you could try correspondence on the computer or home schooling.
It's pretty sad when children start to fear going to a school because the rotten little bullies are aloud to continue tormenting, and the teachers don't want to be bothered....but that seems to be how it is now a days.
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