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To answer the questions about how my son feels:
My son has been saying that his friend is changing and lately my son has been wanting to hang out with other friends instead of this kid. He hasn't specifically gotten mad at the friend for disrespecting me, but he did get really mad when he was calling my daughter names. And he was really mad about the parade thing. I think he is finally seeing the friend for what he is.
But I agree...I shouldn't feel bad. The disrespectful comments only started recently, and that's when I started to put my foot down and not let him come over as much as he used to. I wanted to "take control" of my household again. I really should've put my foot down a long time ago.
These people are definitely users. I've taken this kid places (when he was younger I didn't have all the discipline problems), yet they have never once offered to help pay or send money with their son. I even took him camping with us once, and they didn't offer to send food. Which is okay b/c we did invite him. But once I took him somewhere and he let my son pay his way (video game place). My son's money ran out quickly, but the friend wouldn't share his money (he had hidden the fact that he had money from his dad). That was the last time I invited him on an outing with us.
That really sucks (for lack of a better word). Reading through your post, it's obvious that in his younger years, you and your kids rubbed off on him in a good way. It sounds like too much negative at home has erased it.
On the other hand, it's really good that your son sees this for himself, you know?
To update everyone, my son came home from school today and said that his friend had run away from home last night. He got in a fight with his dad after the phone call.
It's obvious he was having some major issues at home.
You did the right thing. You can't put up with some kid being disrespectful to you in your own home. And you don't need to put up with that nonsense from his father either.
To update everyone, my son came home from school today and said that his friend had run away from home last night. He got in a fight with his dad after the phone call.
It's obvious he was having some major issues at home.
Sounds as though the father has been disrespectful to you in the past and now his son is doing the same thing. And I am guessing that the father does not respect women in general and was taking you for granted. I think you did the right thing. A little distance between your son and this boy will not be a bad thing, IMO. Your son can then spend time getting to know other boys who have healthier families, see how real men behave.
edit- Just read your post about the boy running away. I bet his dad chewed him out for messing the situation up. Dad probaly said it was all the boy's fault.
Last edited by Magnolia Bloom; 01-05-2009 at 06:51 PM..
Reason: added last sentence.
I truly do sympathise with the lady here and I know exactly how she must be feeling. I have the same problem and I have been trying to 'nip things in the bud' for close to 18 months now.
We are expats living in the Middle East and live in a complex in close proximity to other westerners. My 4 year old son befriended another little boy aged 5 who lives directly opposite us. We became very friendly with the parents during the first two months of our arrival. However, this little boy started to bully our son and using emotional blackmail on him (making my son cry and getting him to beg to be his friend). My husband and I were having to talk to this little boy about his behaviour more and more frequently as well as sending him home when he started back-chatting us and being blatantly disrespectful.
For the first 2 months the boys' were virtually living in each other's pockets and it was seriously disrupting our efforts to establish a normal routine for our son who was just starting school. We also didn't think it was healthy for them to be together for hours on end. This kid would turn up at our door at 7am on weekends and we would have to physically show him the door near dinner time. His bullying became so frequent and distressing that I approached his mother one evening and told her what was happening and also that her son was frequently being disrespectful to us. She told me that I was being over-protective of my son and when I gave her instances when her son had shown disrespect she laughed them off saying that her son was 'old beyond his years' and that we were misinterpreting what was just in his character (!) My husband and I were gob-smacked to say the least and over the following months this little boy became a real thorn in our lives. We began to go out more, even though sometimes we just wanted to be at home. Occasionally we would resort to just not answering the door and having to shut the curtains too because he would start pounding on the windows.
One day, my son came home after being at this boy's house and told me that he had a lighter in his bedroom and that they were playing with it. When I asked, he said that there was a flame. I called his mother the next day and said that I had some concerns that I wanted to discuss with her. When I asked her if she was aware that her son had a lighter in his room she said yes and that they had given it to him. I explained that I was not okay with this to which she replied that they felt that their son was responsible enough, “after all he had a collection of over 200 knives and flick knives back in his home country”...! (He had just turned 6!). I stated that my son would not be allowed to play at their house until the lighter was removed from their son's possession.
Once again, my husband and I were completely staggered by their attitude. We were so concerned about her lack of judgement that we approached her husband as well a couple of days later . Believe it or not, he was of the same attitude as his wife. Many things have since occurred that just didn't sit right with our values and we distanced ourselves from this child's parents soon after. We started turning their boy away from our door more often when we didn't want him around, much to the dismay of our son.
However, despite the fact that we don't socialise at all with his parents now, they still continue to let their son turn up at our door whenever he feels like it. He's still disrespectful on occasion (and I still throw him out the house when he is). My son is very rarely allowed to his house now, and if we let him, its for 1 hour only. What has become increasingly and painfully noticeable (and frustrating for us) is that no-one at home seems to care about him. His mother (I think the father is mostly unaware as he works late) is wrapped up with her friends and is constantly on the internet playing games. They don't have rules in their house, this, his mother told me quite pointedly, after I made it clear one day to her son that we have rules in our house. Their son is still up at 11 o'clock at night and often roams around the complex at odd times of the day and night. She has admitted to me in the past that she is so busy writing 'her book' that she sometimes forgets to feed him!
My son (now 6) still loves this kid and after many discussions he no longer lets this boy bully him, and when I have to throw his friend out I always explain why I am doing it to both of them, and I tell him to explain the reason to his mother 'should' she ask.
As much as we try, we find it hard to like this boy, after all, its not his fault that he is the way he is.
I despise this kid's mother so much, I can barely look at her without my blood pressure soaring. Her inconsideration, particularly for the effect it has had on our lives since we arrived in the Middle East, has left me so stressed at times that I become irrational at times, doubting my own feelings and my sanity.
For the record, I meditate every day and I practice yoga three times a week as well as a gym work-out at least twice a week, how does this still get to me????
would so much appreciate a comment or opinion from you - feel so desperate
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Dealing with friend's parents
