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I have an adult child who is 22 years old, living at home and attending college. He is an avid video game enthusiast and spends what seems to be more time than he ought to playing these games.
Our neighbor has a 14 year old who is similarly addicted to video games and he comes over occasionally to play games with our son. Somehow, this relationship seems wrong.
Seems to me that a 22-year old hanging out with a 14-year old--for any reason--is an age-inappropriate relationship.
Now, I admit, I did not grow up in the video game era and I still have no attraction to them; but, regardless; seems like my son ought to be hanging with college age video game friends and not teenagers.
Am I overly critical or am I on to something here?
Your thoughts, suggestions and comments are welcome.
Not an easy one... I don't understand the whole video game thing either, or males for that matter. I could be alright, like those older guys that own a comic book store who chat about comic books with the kids, that kind of thing, like they all speak some kind of language the rest of us can't possibly understand... or, like you said, it could be inappropriate. Or it could be innocent. I am finding that in this society we react to this kind of thing quite quickly, but on the other hand, if things don't look or seem right, we have to question it, and keep an eye on it.
Now, if you threw into this story that there were cigs, alcohol or drugs involved, then I would have an absolute answer for you, but in this case, it just kind of sounds like a couple of video game nerds that found someone to play video games with... maybe the kid next door has an absent father figure, and your son is somehow filling the role? It could be a really good situation. If you know your son, and you know he is a good kid, then you should have nothing to worry about. If for any reason you don't trust him, then I would keep an eye on it...
Is it a buddy thing or is this younger boy possibly a 'sibling' figure?
When I was 14, I hung out with 22 year olds...but I was 14 going on 24, looked the part and it was too easy to forget how old (young) I really was.
Do I wonder now why 22 year olds were hanging out with me? Yeah, kinda.
When I was 22, would I have hung out with a 14 year old? No.
The video game issue - if this is really a problem...it's your house, your rules...don't like him wasting his time? Say so. He has options...then again, be glad he's doing that and not something more illicit.
Sounds like the 22 year old is immature playing video games all the time and still in college. When the 14 year old comes over it's like having a playmate. Honestly, some guys brains don't develop that early.
How often do you mean by "occassionally"? The fact that this kid is a neighbor makes it seem a lot less of a concern IMO than if he lived further away. Does your son have friends his own age? If he ONLY hangs out with 14 year olds, that's a concern.
And how much time is your son spending playing the video games? How are his grades? If he started college right out of HS he should be graduating this year. I'm just wondering whether this is an "addiction" or simply something he likes to do.
Just be glad for the sake of the 14 yo. he chooses to hang out and play video games with your son. That 14 yo. could be hanging around worse people and doing worse things. I would bet that it's nothing more than a mentoring thing and they have somewhat of a sibling bond. Look at it kinda like the Big Brother/Big Sister program where they match up young kids and teens with older kids/young adults to mentor and be a buddy.
Your son sounds like a good guy being that he doesn't mind having a 14 yo hanging around. To many guys that age wouldn't want someone even a few years younger tagging along and being in the way even if the younger person was an actual sibling. You know younger folks cramp their style.
My 15 year old daughter has a very good friend who is 23. They get together and have a great time. All they do is watch scary movies, talk, go sledding, things like that.
Maybe you could suggest they go out and throw a ball back and forth or skateboard or something to get them talking about something other than video games.
As long as they aren't hanging out every minute together, I wouldn't be concerned. The video game world is a bit different than reality- people of all different ages come together for a shared interest. It's not like they are doing anything harmful, just enjoying each others company and mutual hobby.
Seems a lot of these "gamer" guys are a little different and tend to hang out with a younger crowd because that is who gets them and has about the same mentality they do. When I was 15 I had friends who were mid 20's but I met them through going hunting and hung out with them for the purpose of fishing or hunting. So this may be yours sons version of a hunting buddy. As long as there is no sexual relationship and or drugs involved I would not be to worried about it. Just drop in on them unexpected from time to time and see what is going on. It sounds deceptive but if you have a hint something wrong is going on then do it. My favorite is to tell the kid you will be gone or doing something for the next 4 to 5 hours (it's got to be something totally believable) then about hour and half into it show back up.
Heres a question is the kid he is hanging out with a boy or girl? If it's a girl then that could raise a whole new problem..
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