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My GF and I are planning a trip to visit my mother's family in Germany (my gram , a few aunts, uncles and cousins) for xmas. I have a college break and its not an issue for the girl to get time off. Incidentally, my mom was also planning a trip to Germany (I didn't realize my grandma was turing 80 this year). So my mom asked if I could look up flights for all 3 of us and I did. the only thing is the cheapest (by a long shot) involves 2 layovers vs the usual 1. Mom mom mentioned that she'd pay the difference for us because she really wanted to just do the one layover. Fair enough. Me and the girl are ready to book the flight but my mom is really on the fence with the whole "I really wanna go but.." A) gotta see with work B) passport issue. Her numbers are messed up and are unreadable on the scanner (that bar code thingy). She doesn't want to "get caught" in immigration over in Europe. Sure, its a problem and she was suppose to call and get it fixed today. Will She? I dought it. I'll call tonight or tomorrow (so she can't use the Labor day excuse) to see but I am 99.9% she'll going to put it off them naturally the blame will fall on the Gov't. It makes perfect sense. "I can't book a ticket until my passport gets fixed." and when she gets it she'll complain that it took too long and the prices are too much. She'd love to go but now she can't. F the gov't for screwing her out of the trip. Its always been the same with mom on other events. Just yesterday she wanted to go to the fair with my father. I was at work all day and when I got home, surprise surprise they were both home and did not go to the fair.
We don't really want to wait around for my mom to keep putting this off. She has in the past. We use to visit the fam every two years (they'd come here one year, we go there the next). I remember we it use to be the same every year once we'd drop the family off. As we walked back to the parking garage at the airport my mom would say "next year, we're going there". Did we? Nope. Its been 5 years in a row that they have come here. We're in a hard place if she is just feeding us B.S. about her wanting to go and sounding interested but yet putting it off or if she really does want to go and the problems are in fact 'real'. I have a sinking feeling we'll get the "I really want to go but.." speel until it becomes too late and get the "wish I went".
Should we tell her "ok we're booking the tickets" in X amount of weeks either you're coming or your not? Just go ahead and book them without telling her. Its our trip, yes she is my mother but we're both 23 years old and can do our own thing. Yes, when we use to go I was a child and we went as a family but I'm an adult now. I'm leaning towards just booking it but I don't want to hurt her feelings or anything of that nature.
Give a deadline with plenty of notice. "I'm booking the tickets on "x" day. Make your decision by then." Reminder her maybe a week ahead of the deadline, then a day or two, then book your tickets regardless of her decision. I have no patience for people who are indecisive!
I agree. Give notice, give reminders, but then go ahead and book your tickets if the deadline comes and your mother still hasn't made up her mind. If the time comes and goes and she still wants to go she can always book her own tickets and travel on her own. You're all adults here, and you're on a deadline. It's perfectly fair to be polite but firm about a date. Her feelings may or may not be hurt, but if they are it's her own fault; it sounds like you're trying to go about this in an organized, fair way, and you can also tell her repeatedly (when you remind her that she needs to make a decision) that you really hope she'll be able to come.
I have some relatives like that, too, and when they start putting the blame for something on someone else (government, work, individuals, etc.) when it's clear that there's some personal responsibility lacking, too, I won't go along and agree with them (as in "oh, poor you, they really did conspire against you...") but I won't point out their own role, either. If, for example, your mom doesn't go and blames it on the passport, you can just say something like "it's too bad the schedule didn't work out for Christmas, but let's get the passport problem fixed so that you'll be able to go visit Grandma this spring."
Give a deadline with plenty of notice. "I'm booking the tickets on "x" day. Make your decision by then." Reminder her maybe a week ahead of the deadline, then a day or two, then book your tickets regardless of her decision.
Wow. And here I was thinking that it was only MY mother who can't make a decision to save her life!
After enormous efforts on my part to wait for everyone to get on board with vacation plans and finding out that this is just impossible (and missing quite a few great fares and packages because we didn't book far enough in advance), I began doing exactly as the poster above said.
When I first get a vacation idea in my head, I throw it out there to everyone I would like to come. When the plans start to become a reality, I send numerous e-mails and make lots of phone calls to tell people what I found (great airfares or hotel deals). About 6 months out, I start to make definite plans...sending an e-mail to those who I know like for me to make their arrangements (and give me credit card numbers to book their stuff with). Three months out, I let people know that within the next few days, I am making reservations. I let them know that I can make their reservations when I make mine or they can do it themselves. Then, on the day I've already specified, I make the reservations. I send out the specific information (hotel name or flight number) to those who were still unsure and then I let them figure it out from there. After typing all of that, I am realizing I do a lot of work!
The point is that it's not the indecisive people who miss out, it's actually YOU who are missing out on great experiences. Go on vacation, make your plans, give adequate time for others to decide and then draw a line in the sand. The first time you do this, people who usually procrastinate will know you mean business. When and if they finally decide to go (and end up paying significantly more for their airfares or find that the hotel you are staying in is already booked) they will realize that they should have just jumped on board the train you were driving. I'll bet good money that the next time you make plans, they will be quicker to jump on board.
Some people, whether they're relatives or friends, are just procrastinators. They want to make sure nothing will "pop up" before they commit. Those people cannot alter your plans. You shouldn't let them. My mother has had to pay a lot more for her airline tickets and has had to stay at a neighboring hotel because she made her decision too late. What's interesting is that she still does this, even after she should have learned her lesson. There's nothing I can do about that but I've learned that she isn't going to change her ways...so I do what I need to do for myself and my family and friends.
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