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Over a year ago, my daughter told myself and my some things involving my own mother sexually abusing her. Since that time we have shut off all contact with that side of the family and have been taking my daughter to therapy ever since. Thats the short of what happened but my main concern as of late is that my brothers have basically been attacking me (through email and myspace) because of the fact that they don't believe anything ever happened and have completely taken my mothers side (who btw is a victim of incest). I just want to know if theres anything out there that sheds light and this kind of issue that i can send my brothers to show them that could show them some facts or statistics that could, for lack of a better term, convince them that this happened. I just want them to understand and that my wife and i want my brothers in my daughters life. Any help would be appreciated...
Coming from a family that holds grudges I don't have any advice. If they won't/can't be supportive, imo, it wouldn't be worth the drama to offer further information. If one of them is more open--I'd communicate with that individual.
The info says that "One expert estimates that forty percent of sexual abusers were sexually abused as children." You didn't say whether your mother was a victim of incest as a child or an adult.
Your brothers really aren't the priority right now, your daughter is.
If they refuse to believe you, that doesn't matter. The only thing that matters if your child.
Give them time to get over the shock.
I'm not saying that this post is not true, but if the OP does in fact have her daughter in therapy for the molestation and it hasn't been reported to the police then something is amiss here. It is required by law that any therapist or medical personal who suspects abuse in any form is to immediately report it to the authorities. If it hasn't been reported then it most definately should be and if the therapist believes that something has occured and hasn't reported it, then they are not a good therapist.
To the OP, if this did in fact happen to your daughter it should be reported immediately to the police. I'm sorry if your mother was a victim too at one time, but that does not give her the right to victimize anyone else and she needs help immediately. What if your daughter is not the only child she has touched inapropriately, what if she is doing it right now to someone else?
I wouldn't care one iota what any of my siblings thought if this happened to my kid/s if they were to take sides with my parent who would do such a thing to my child, then my child would be better off not knowing them. You can always "adopt" other people who can act as aunts and uncles to your daughter if you want your daughter surrounded by folks who love and care for her. My kids have tons of aunts and uncles who are not related. In fact some of them are better aunts and uncles than their related ones.
I don't have any advice, but I was sexually abused and once by a female cousin. I can understand the family's denial to some extent. I have friends who have incest in their families (father/daughter) and it's strange how the rest of the family just can't deal with it. Luckily my abuse did not continue for a long period of time. But I know for some family members admitting a loved one has suffered sexual abuse is like looking into the sun.
They think if they confront it, then something horrible will happen. In some cases, that horrible thing is that they realize they are partly to blame for not seeing obvious signs of abuse. It's easier I guess to pretend you have a perfect family, because there's no roadmap for dealing with incest. I mean, people scarcely discuss "normal" sexual behavior in the open.
Anyway, I would recommend removing your picture from Myspace. I know lots of people love these networking sites, but if someone can identify your name, location and appearance that's bad for many reasons. At any rate, I'm glad you got your kids away from your mother. But what about future girls your mother may abuse?
I guess you have to weigh having your daughters re-live the abuse in court--I can't comment on that because like many abuse survivors, I never went to court-- and embarassing yourself and your mother versus getting your mom the help she needs and protecting other children.
I also did some research about child abuse as part of my healing process. There's not a lot of trustable data out there because most people keep abuse out of the public arena, but many of the abusers that were interviewed were people who had been arrested because they killed a child. They'd routinely abused several children, and just HAPPENED to get caught because the last child threatened to tell and out of fear, the adult became violent. I believe all of the people in the books I read (sorry, I can't remember the names, but I spent several hours at the library,and these were research books, hardcover and I guess about 20 years old on avg.) were men, and most of them abused boys who were not related to them. I didn't infer anything from this, because like I said I suspect that the vast majority of abuse is not reported.
Based on the people who were caught, I would also infer that tons of young BOYS are victims of abuse, but until recently I had never heard of a guy admitting an experience like that...I'm glad that the priest scandal has made it easier for them to come out and heal... Anyway I'm rambling.
Anyway, I want to applaud you for not being afraid to protect your child even if it means "airing dirty laundry" to some extent. I hope no other girls become victims of your mother's abuse. Sexual maturity and identity are hard enough without having to add a painful experience like child abuse.
Over a year ago, my daughter told myself and my some things involving my own mother sexually abusing her. Since that time we have shut off all contact with that side of the family and have been taking my daughter to therapy ever since. Thats the short of what happened but my main concern as of late is that my brothers have basically been attacking me (through email and myspace) because of the fact that they don't believe anything ever happened and have completely taken my mothers side (who btw is a victim of incest). I just want to know if theres anything out there that sheds light and this kind of issue that i can send my brothers to show them that could show them some facts or statistics that could, for lack of a better term, convince them that this happened. I just want them to understand and that my wife and i want my brothers in my daughters life. Any help would be appreciated...
With so many forums out there, you chose a relocation forum to post this as your first post? Enough said.
I'm not saying that this post is not true, but if the OP does in fact have her daughter in therapy for the molestation and it hasn't been reported to the police then something is amiss here. It is required by law that any therapist or medical personal who suspects abuse in any form is to immediately report it to the authorities. If it hasn't been reported then it most definately should be and if the therapist believes that something has occured and hasn't reported it, then they are not a good therapist.
To the OP, if this did in fact happen to your daughter it should be reported immediately to the police. I'm sorry if your mother was a victim too at one time, but that does not give her the right to victimize anyone else and she needs help immediately. What if your daughter is not the only child she has touched inapropriately, what if she is doing it right now to someone else?
I wouldn't care one iota what any of my siblings thought if this happened to my kid/s if they were to take sides with my parent who would do such a thing to my child, then my child would be better off not knowing them. You can always "adopt" other people who can act as aunts and uncles to your daughter if you want your daughter surrounded by folks who love and care for her. My kids have tons of aunts and uncles who are not related. In fact some of them are better aunts and uncles than their related ones.
BINGO! That is EXACTLY what I was thinking!
IF the therapist knows, he/she is a mandatory reporter. No question.
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