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I haven't read the other responses, but I just read the "don't tell me not to spank my child"-thread and I supose alot of the same people answered here with the same opinions ("smack em!") DO NOT DO THIS.
You really should have read the other responses before you posted.
Well, here's the update. XBox and iPod are gone. I've been having him perform chores like crazy. Folding laundry, dusting vacuuming, etc. I had him scrub the whole pool on Monday. He is earning "chore money" via time and that's what I'll use to pay myself back. He's not a happy camper but I'm not so sure he's learning a lesson. He cried for a while initially but I don't think it is because he felt bad (at least at that time). He felt worse about not getting Halo 3 for Easter. I explained that since he spent $$ on some download, it prevented me from buying (a used) copy of the video game to go in his basket. It bothered me that he was more upset about that, than spending $125 plus.
I think that right now he understands and feels bad. We have been having conversations about "the big picture". His splurge on a download (for immediate gratification) prevented him from getting something he really wanted. He didn't look to the future.
We'll see how it goes. Thanks to everyone (and I mean everyone) for all of your advice!! While some of the ideas won't work for me, there are many that will. You guys rock!
Thanks for coming back to update us! Keep up the good work!
I am trying to be rational here, because otherwise I will ground him until he is 18.
A bit of background: Back in February, when I got my desperately needed tax refund, I loaded my debit card info into my son's XBox so he could buy points to download an add-on for a game. That was the end of it. At some point in early March, over the course of 2 or 3 days, I had multiple charges for downloaded content on XBox, iTunes, and our PS3. (I previously had my debit info on the other machines for my use.)
By the time it was done he had "stolen" $124.25 from me via my debit card. I grounded him for 2 weeks from playing any electronic device that was connected to the internet. Re-payment issues still need to be resolved.
Well this morning I got up and he is playing a game on his XBox, online, and I heard him talking to his friends about a download that was released today. He asked me 2 days ago if I would get it for him and my response was that I would think about it. He apparently went ahead and downloaded it. I checked my bank account and sure enough, there's a debit from Microsoft.
He will be 11 in July and I am sure he knows better. He absolutely knew it was wrong but did it anyway.
What would you do and what do you think is appropriate punishment?
(No need to tell me to remove my bank info from the XBox - I've learned my lesson)
I haven't read the other responses, but I just read the "don't tell me not to spank my child"-thread and I supose alot of the same people answered here with the same opinions ("smack em!") DO NOT DO THIS.
I'm sure alot of others have told you to physicly take the gaming devices or ground your son from them. And probably some others have said that he should be doing chores and whatever. DO THIS IF YOU ARE LAZY OR WANT A QUICK BUT SHORT TERM SOLUTION.
But diciplining your children and punishing your children is not the same thing. (I'll leave how you solve the economic part of the 124 dollars to your creative mind, personally I'd have him work them off(or pay them back if he has his own cash)) I will make an educated guess and believe that you want to make your kid learn how to intentionally behave good rather than behaving good only because he has to; and to learn lessons of life from you rather than when it smacks him in his face when he suddenly can't depend on you anymore.
If you strip him from the opportunity to continue with bad behavior he will not stop because he has learned the lesson, but because he is not able to... for the moment that is; someone who wants something will find a way in the end.
If you physicly abuse him ("spank"/"physicly diciplin"/whatever some parents call it) he will learn that he needs to get away with things rather than not do them, and even worse; in the long run his respect for you will become a shell over what in reallity is fear, and when he does not fear your hand anymore in his later teenyears he will not have much respect left for you either.
I think you should talk to him about how private economy and personal ownership works from top to botom, and explain to him why his stupid behavior is stupid. (Always !TALK! about HOW THINGS WORK and !WHY!)
Talk in a way that makes him feel things. SHAME and GUILT is what you are aiming to make him feel. If done correctly this will be mentally uncomfortable for him.
My father used to do this and trust me it creates epiphanies(sorry if I spelled that wrong) of considering consequences, understanding the perspectives of others and it pretty much makes what you just did seem pretty damn stupid.
By NOT taking his opportunity of gaming and thiefing from you away from him, you can control that he is really stopping for the right reasons and not just because of innability. This way you can see if you have truly succeded instead of just smashing the problem down and sweep it under the rug.
Hope the colors helped in giving the righ empphasis on the key points...
And by the way an 11 year old is smarter and can be more mature than you think, just make sure to isolate him from things that will disturb his concentration (such as gaming while you are talking to him/ eating together with other family members) this needs to be a one-on-one conversation with focus.
EDIT: It was hard to edit the colors in edit mode so did a new post and deleted the old...
Well, here's the update. XBox and iPod are gone. I've been having him perform chores like crazy. Folding laundry, dusting vacuuming, etc. I had him scrub the whole pool on Monday. He is earning "chore money" via time and that's what I'll use to pay myself back. He's not a happy camper but I'm not so sure he's learning a lesson. He cried for a while initially but I don't think it is because he felt bad (at least at that time). He felt worse about not getting Halo 3 for Easter. I explained that since he spent $$ on some download, it prevented me from buying (a used) copy of the video game to go in his basket. It bothered me that he was more upset about that, than spending $125 plus.
I think that right now he understands and feels bad. We have been having conversations about "the big picture". His splurge on a download (for immediate gratification) prevented him from getting something he really wanted. He didn't look to the future.
We'll see how it goes. Thanks to everyone (and I mean everyone) for all of your advice!! While some of the ideas won't work for me, there are many that will. You guys rock!
I am so glad that you are making him work and the part of him crying i think that might have been a tactic to make you feel sorry for him . anyways he knows it did not work and believe me when I say it will sink in eventually when he gets all of this figured out in his mind . I am glad it is going well and wish you much luck with him .
I am trying to be rational here, because otherwise I will ground him until he is 18.
A bit of background: Back in February, when I got my desperately needed tax refund, I loaded my debit card info into my son's XBox so he could buy points to download an add-on for a game. That was the end of it. At some point in early March, over the course of 2 or 3 days, I had multiple charges for downloaded content on XBox, iTunes, and our PS3. (I previously had my debit info on the other machines for my use.)
By the time it was done he had "stolen" $124.25 from me via my debit card. I grounded him for 2 weeks from playing any electronic device that was connected to the internet. Re-payment issues still need to be resolved.
Well this morning I got up and he is playing a game on his XBox, online, and I heard him talking to his friends about a download that was released today. He asked me 2 days ago if I would get it for him and my response was that I would think about it. He apparently went ahead and downloaded it. I checked my bank account and sure enough, there's a debit from Microsoft.
He will be 11 in July and I am sure he knows better. He absolutely knew it was wrong but did it anyway.
What would you do and what do you think is appropriate punishment?
(No need to tell me to remove my bank info from the XBox - I've learned my lesson)
Don't you just love technology.
My question is. Why does he still have his XBox? That would have been in the trash in like FIVE SECONDS and his little 10 year old butt would be washing my car, and taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn and doing ALL the nasty work around the house for a very, very long time. Every child needs to learn how to clean a toilet and a bathtub.
Better get tough now, or by the time he is 15 he is going to be walking all over you, honey.
I haven't read the other responses, but I just read the "don't tell me not to spank my child"-thread and I supose alot of the same people answered here with the same opinions ("smack em!") DO NOT DO THIS.
I'm sure alot of others have told you to physicly take the gaming devices or ground your son from them. And probably some others have said that he should be doing chores and whatever. DO THIS IF YOU ARE LAZY OR WANT A QUICK BUT SHORT TERM SOLUTION.
But diciplining your children and punishing your children is not the same thing. (I'll leave how you solve the economic part of the 124 dollars to your creative mind, personally I'd have him work them off(or pay them back if he has his own cash)) I will make an educated guess and believe that you want to make your kid learn how to intentionally behave good rather than behaving good only because he has to; and to learn lessons of life from you rather than when it smacks him in his face when he suddenly can't depend on you anymore.
If you strip him from the opportunity to continue with bad behavior he will not stop because he has learned the lesson, but because he is not able to... for the moment that is; someone who wants something will find a way in the end.
If you physicly abuse him ("spank"/"physicly diciplin"/whatever some parents call it) he will learn that he needs to get away with things rather than not do them, and even worse; in the long run his respect for you will become a shell over what in reallity is fear, and when he does not fear your hand anymore in his later teenyears he will not have much respect left for you either.
I think you should talk to him about how private economy and personal ownership works from top to botom, and explain to him why his stupid behavior is stupid. (Always !TALK! about HOW THINGS WORK and !WHY!)
Talk in a way that makes him feel things. SHAME and GUILT is what you are aiming to make him feel. If done correctly this will be mentally uncomfortable for him.
My father used to do this and trust me it creates epiphanies(sorry if I spelled that wrong) of considering consequences, understanding the perspectives of others and it pretty much makes what you just did seem pretty damn stupid.
By NOT taking his opportunity of gaming and thiefing from you away from him, you can control that he is really stopping for the right reasons and not just because of innability. This way you can see if you have truly succeded instead of just smashing the problem down and sweep it under the rug.
Hope the colors helped in giving the righ empphasis on the key points...
And by the way an 11 year old is smarter and can be more mature than you think, just make sure to isolate him from things that will disturb his concentration (such as gaming while you are talking to him/ eating together with other family members) this needs to be a one-on-one conversation with focus.
EDIT: It was hard to edit the colors in edit mode so did a new post and deleted the old...
You would have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you had bothered to read even some of the posts in this thread. No one here suggested that the OP hit her child. Most advocated taking away privledges and having the boy do extra chores.
You would have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you had bothered to read even some of the posts in this thread. No one here suggested that the OP hit her child. Most advocated taking away privledges and having the boy do extra chores.
I'm not sure if I directly suggested it, but I don't think spanking the child would be amiss in this case, in addition to the other punishments. I think I alluded to it as a possibility, which I would stand by.
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